Bloody Murder

Bloody Murder

Starring Jessica Morris, Peter Guillemette, Patrick Cavanaugh, Crystalle Ford

Directed by Ralph Portillo

The Story:
As a group of camp counselors work to bring a camp up to standard for the kids coming, a masked killer is on the loose.  One by one, the counselors succumb to the killer's wrath, as the survivors try to figure out who is responsible.

The Synopsis:
Ever since "Friday the 13th" blew people away at the box office, there's been countless wannabe copies out there, and for the most part they've been truly awful.  Only "Sleepaway Camp" managed to rise among the ranks of the lazy summer camp mass murder subgenre with that explosive climax.  However, none of the copies have been as blatant as "Bloody Murder" in copying "Friday the 13th," and should've been sued for plagiarism.

Where do I start?  The supposed killer was a boy who almost drowned at camp.  The killer wears a freaking hockey mask.  There's kills that are straight ripped out of the original "Friday" - right down to the arrow death at the archery range.  One of the characters is named Jason - who becomes a prime suspect - and the counselors repeatedly ask, "where's Jason?"  Then there's the fact that the film tried to be meta by having one of the characters even mention the fact that the prime suspect's name is Jason, and talks about how long horror movies are nowadays.  Don't forget there's also a creepy old man who walks the camp talking about doom and gloom, and the main character finds an old shack reminiscent of Jason's home.

For a horror slasher flick, the film is rather light on the slasher.  There's hardly any blood seen, the fighting choreography is especially off (a fight between a survivor and the killer where the survivor hits the killer with a canoe paddle - even as we see she didn't connect at all - still results in the killer getting knocked down), and the kills are uninspired and lazy at best.

Then there's the acting.  I've seen high school plays with better actors than what I've seen here.   No one knows how to emote any sort of emotion, and it seems that they've forgotten their lines more than remember them, and they do the most insanely stupid things.  One girl is getting chased in the woods by the killer, finds a friend driving by, and then says she'll just walk home - even though she was JUST being chased by a killer in those same woods.  Then there's some overly dramatic performances, especially from a kid (whose character I can't even remember) who gets stabbed through the back, taking about two minutes to actually die after stumbling around for awhile.

Ironically, the biggest question I had during the film centered around a room.  The freezer had a big sign on front that says "Caution: Door locks from the outside."  Why would there be a freezer that only locks from the outside?  Two characters get stuck in there early on (and we don't see any freezing air as they talk), and have to rely on someone on the outside to let them out.  This is highly impractical, and easily a big risk.

The Summary:

For all its awfulness, "Bloody Murder" is fun to watch for all the wrong reasons.  There's no scares, no gore, no sex, nothing that makes it anything worth remembering except for its truly awful ripoff.  Jason would be spinning in his grave, if he was still in it.

The Score: D-