JoeMama's Movie Reviews

  Worst2First: My Most Anticipated Films of Summer 2022 As it happens every year, summer brings out the blockbusters and the family-friendly films in droves, with numerous franchise-continuing movies, Marvel products, horror, and even some interesting smaller films hitting the big screen, and here are the ten I'm most excited to see. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** **DATES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE** #10 The Black Phone June 24 One of those films that was moved a few times due to the pandemic and then other unknown reasons, "The Black Phone" will finally hit theaters in June, and looks to be a thrilling kidnapping adventure from the director of "Sinister," which was scientifically proven to be the scariest movie ever made (although I disagree greatly). The film stars Ethan Hawke as a man who's kidnapped and murdered children. The latest child he's kidnapped, however, has some help to escape - the ghosts of the kids that Hawke's character killed before, who

  Birdemic: Shock and Terror Starring Alan Bagh, Whitney Moore, Adam Sessa, Catherine Batcha Directed by James Nguyen Whenever someone is making a film, it's their main goal to make sure as many people imaginable can see it, in order to turn a profit and to make their movie one that'll exist in the annals of history. Conversely, some make films in order to tell an important message and it doesn't matter how many people see it, depending on how passionate they are about their product. There's been countless memorable films out there that've withstood the test of time: "The Godfather Part II," "Citizen Kane," "Casablanca," "The Lord of the Rings" and "Halloween" are staples of their genres, and people still think fondly of them to this day: they're memorable for all the right reasons, and have rightfully earned their place in the history of cinema. Then there's films like "Catwoman," "Plan 9 From

  Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore Starring Eddie Redmayne, Jude Law, Mads Mikkelsen, Ezra Miller Directed by David Yates When it comes to the wizarding world of Harry Potter, I consider myself a pureblood Muggle: I never read the books, only saw each movie once, and honestly don't understand the overall appeal. Yet, as I say, "to each their own," and I can appreciate a film that's not particularly my cup of tea. I rather enjoyed all the "Harry Potter" movies (although if you gave me a scene and asked which "Harry Potter" film it was in, I legitimately couldn't tell you). Thinking the "Harry Potter" universe was over with...well...the final "Harry Potter" movie, I felt like I could close that chapter - but then "Fantastic Beasts" came along, a prequel series centering around magizoologist Newt Scamander and taking place seventy years before young Harry became a wizard. The first film was fun, fascinating

 Everything Everywhere All at Once Starring Michelle Yeoh, Stephanie Hsu, Ke Huy Quan, Jamie Lee Curtis Directed by Daniels When I first saw the trailer for "Everything Everywhere All at Once," my only thought was: "want, need, give!" I had to endure several months of torturous anticipation, all the while hearing about how groundbreaking, revolutionary, and downright original the film was, garnering praise practically universally. So when I finally was able to see it, my expectations were already sky-high, and it only seemed natural that my expectations would be diminished after viewing it. Somehow, some way, by some happenstance, not only were my lofty expectations met, but the film blew them out of the ceiling. Out of the countless films I've seen in my life, this is one that will resonate with me, marinating in my very essence for a long time to come, and ultimately it was more than a film - it was a marvelous experience. Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh) is an agi

Dog Starring Channing Tatum, Jane Adams, Kevin Nash, O'orianka Kilcher Directed by Reid Carolin & Channing Tatum The 1980s saw a resurgence of the traditional man and man's best friend buddy comedy romp, the two most notable being "K-9" and "Turner & Hooch." Films about man and his lovable four-legged companion traversing the country interacting with all types of people and getting into hilarious shenanigans is as typical as they come, and "Dog" is one of the more modern-day films that hold to this tried and true method. In many ways it's reminiscent of the 80s comedies, which in a surprising way is actually refreshing in today's crowded cinematic world. Where you have world-ending films, superhero epic battles, and Oscar-worthy dramatic performances, it's a welcome thing to see a simple, bare-bones story about a (not-so) epic journey that feels completely grounded in reality. U.S. Army Ranger Jackson Briggs (Channing Tatum) has

  Cheaper by the Dozen Starring Gabrielle Union, Zach Braff, Erika Christensen, Timon Kyle Durrett Directed by Gail Lerner The original source material for the oft-remade "Cheaper by the Dozen" came from a novel written back in 1948 by authors Frank Bunker Gilbreth and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey, which was a semi-autobiographical novel written by two siblings who grew up with ten fellow siblings and their adventures and their childhoods. The novel was made into the classic 1950 film by the same title, and then re-made in 2003 starring Steve Martin, which most people remember it from, despite it's mundane premise and watered-down story for the sake of mediocre comedy. After the disastrous sequel, many thought this franchise had run out of steam, but count on the Mickey Mouse network to turn what was once a beloved family classic (*cough* "Home Sweet Home Alone" *cough*), resurrect it like Frankenstein's monster and produce another film to draw in people who rem

The Lost City Starring Sandra Bullock, Channing Tatum, Daniel Radcliffe, Da'Vine Joy Randolph Directed by Adam Nee & Aaron Nee More often than not I make fun of the formulaic method of action films: there's the odd couple pairing, the outlandishly cooky villain, the numerous close calls and rescues, the growing sexual tension between said odd couple, the eventual re-capture, having our heroes lead the villains to the treasure, the eventual turnaround, and culminating in a happily ever after. It's a safe formula to follow and history has proven it's worked more times than not, which is why the formula still exists - but when it fails, it fails on epic levels. But when it works, it elevates the film not to superior status, but a status where it's not a pain to watch, and one you wouldn't mind re-watching at home while you're cleaning the house. "The Lost City" falls on the latter, a formulaic action-adventure-comedy akin to last year's "

Ambulance Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Eiza Gonzalez, Garret Dillahunt Directed by Michael Bay You can tell when a certain director is involved in a project, and that's mostly due to their staples: they do almost the same thing no matter what movie they make. You see an offbeat trailer featuring Johnny Depp? It's a Tim Burton piece. A mobster trailer? Martin Scorsese. A creature feature that delves into deep humanistic ideals? Guillermo del Toro. So when the "Ambulance" trailer started, I thought to myself, "wow, this feels like a Michael Bay film," only to have appear on the screen: "A Michael Bay film." Michael Bay has been parodied (especially by "South Park") as a director who abandons intelligent scripts and dialogue with over-the-top explosions, dizzying camera angles, the overuse of the sunspot filter, and camera shaking so bad you think the cameraman did a few lines of cocaine before filming began. "Ambula

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 Starring Jim Carrey, Ben Schwartz, James Marsden, Idris Elba Directed by Jeff Fowler By all accounts, "Sonic the Hedgehog 2" would be doomed to be a failure if you consider where it's coming from. Not only is it a movie based off a video game, but it's a sequel to a film based on a video game - but fortunately, that movie was the first "Sonic the Hedgehog," which far surpassed all expectations to gross over $148 million domestically, and was beloved by both audiences and critics alike. This is due to director Jeff Fowler and the production team listening to the audience when they saw the first "Sonic" trailer and witnessed the former abomination that was Sonic - a terrifying CGI monster with actual human teeth that looked downright frightening and nowhere near the beloved blue hedgehog we've come to know and love through decades of video games. They spent millions of dollars to change the appearance to be more true to his v

X Starring Mia Goth, Jenna Ortega, Martin Henderson, Brittany Snow Directed by Ti West As someone who's a definite horror aficionado, it'll take a whole lot to really affect me when watching a new horror film. The (mostly) lame PG-13 horror films relies heavily on jump scares you see coming from a mile away, while the more genre-friendly R-rated films focus more on blood and guts than actual factual scares. Only a few have managed to really creep in under my skin, and I was hoping "X" was going to be one of them, because director Ti West managed to do that to me with his three previous outings - "The Inkeepers," "The Sacrament," and "The House of the Devil." Maybe I had my expectations up way too high, but while I was impressed with "X" overall, I felt kind of deflated by the end of it - a bit disappointed that I wasn't as unnerved as I thought I would be. Again, it could just be my jaded sense of horror films (despite even

  Morbius Starring Jared Leto, Matt Smith, Adria Ariona, Jared Harris Directed by Daniel Espinosa Sony is in a heap of trouble, and they can't seem to grasp that by clenching the Spider-Man subsidiary of Marvel in its tightened fist they're slowly digging their own graves. The lone holdout from giving the MCU complete creative control of, well, all of their own properties, Sony is trying in vain to make their own Spider-Verse universe (with the exception of the Oscar-winning "Into the Spider-Verse"), but only proves in showing how subpar their work is compared to the MCU. Their only decent films so far have been the ones where they've teamed up with the MCU for their Spider-Man trilogy, culminating in "No Way Home," which is one of the highest grossing films of all time. Instead, they're focusing on Spider-Man's "anti-heroes" like Venom and Morbius, and soon Madame Web and Kraven the Hunter as well. The issues with these films are many