The Mistletoe Secret

The Mistletoe Secret

Starring Kellie Pickler, Tyler Hynes, Christopher Russell, Patrick Duffy

Directed by Terry Ingram

"The Mistletoe Secret" is the second Hallmark Channel Christmas movie I've seen, and already I've picked up on a couple things that they all seem to have in common:
-a dead mother
-a father who still believes in the power of love
-a blonde leading actress
-bright, cheery, colorful decorations and designs
-none of the actors' breath is seen when they're standing outside
-the set designs are supposed to make you believe it's Christmastime, but you can clearly see that it's summer

Also I've been told that most Hallmark Christmas movies are the same: a big city woman makes her way back to her small town where she runs into an old flame that's as country bumpkin as they get, and eventually falls in love with him instead of her big city d-bag boyfriend.  Thankfully my friend who recommended me the three Hallmark movies to see this year knows me too well and offered me one of the movies that doesn't fit this mold (actually she suggested "Mistletoe Promise" but I mistook it for "Mistletoe Secret" because that's the only one that was available on the Hallmark on demand so call it a happy mistake), but rather mutates it to branch out in entirely different ways.

Instead of a big-city woman returning to her small town roots, this time it's Alex (Tyler Hynes) - a big city writer who's ghost-writing for successful reality television adventurer Sterling (Christopher Russell) - who heads to small town Midway, Utah, to do some reconnaissance for his friend who puts Midway on the shortlist (including Tokyo and another big name city that I can't remember) to be the finalists for his big Christmas show.  On his first night he meets Aria (Kellie Pickler), the sweet owner of the local diner (called the Mistletoe Diner - the whole town is basically the North Pole only closer to California's fault line) who isn't wowed by Alex's big city charms or snobby sarcasm, as he's yet to fully believe in the power of Christmas in a small town.

As Alex spends the next few days in the town, he ultimately gets to know Aria more, and of course the two begin to strike up something more than possibly a friendship but it's hard to tell because there's absolutely no chemistry between them and as I write this very long run-on sentence I'll also mention Aria's only other possible male love interest in the town is seemingly in the form of its only African American man who I'm sure is closeted gay not that anything is wrong with either one of those things but he's literally the only other named guy in the film besides her father which would be gross. (deep breath).  Anyway, Alex develops feelings for Aria, but she's holding out hope for her stunning Sterling to come and put the town on the map (although I'm pretty sure I've heard of Midway before...you know, that island during World War II that the Japanese were planning on attacking but were thwarted by American intelligence...they just made a movie about it with Nick Jonas...and somehow I doubt the Japanese would ever want to bomb this little slice of diabetic-heaven Americana) - and of course he eventually does arrive, literally throwing a wrench in Alex's plans (not to mention male-private-part-blocking him in the process - I felt weird calling it what it is because it sounds uncouth) as Aria only has eyes for him because she thinks he's the one writing all his dialogue when it's Alex's words she's smitten by - I'm sure she'll never find this out and go on to marry the literal wallpaper that is Sterling and his bland personality yet he is quite tall compared to Alex but that shouldn't matter and here I go again with another run-on sentence so I'll stop now.

So in one fell swoop this movie managed to take all the stereotypes of a Hallmark Christmas movie and turn them on its head:
-Instead of a big city girl coming to her small hometown, it's now a big city guy coming to a random small town
-The male country bumpkin in the town is actually a female country bumpkin (is there a female name for bumpkin?  Siskin?  Is that a word?)
-They eventually fall in love (sorta) before his version of a d-bag boyfriend comes to town in the form of his d-bag best friend who uses him for his writing

When it comes to the performances, there's not a whole lot to write home about.  Kellie Pickler is best known for being on "American Idol," winning a season of "Dancing With the Stars," and her talk show, but an actress she clearly is not.  She maintains the same monotone speak throughout, and you can never tell where she's coming from.  She often looks like a deer caught in headlights and delivers her lines like she's reading from a teleprompter or sharpie writing on her hand, and she constantly pulls on her shirt, which is something I remember in my high school drama class as something you never do because it's highly noticeable.

Likewise, Tyler Hynes offers no charisma as Alex, but he's humorous enough to pull off some snarky one-liners and make them believable.  Christopher Russell is simply annoying as the snobby Sterling...well, snobby is giving him too much credit, because I think he's literally an idiot who doesn't know what two plus two is, and he carries himself as such.  Then there's Patrick Duffy, who's basically pleading with anyone watching him to cast him in something again since it's been so long since he's been culturally relevant.

 Despite these lackluster performances, the story itself is well-written and thoughtful, something I wasn't expecting from a Hallmark Christmas movie (probably because it wasn't written by the writers the channel trapped in their basement that they hold hostage until they write a million different scripts, but rather comes from a novel by Richard Paul Evans).  That's not saying this is great by any means, but if you have to sit through one of these movies, I'd suggest this one.

The Score: C+