Cats

Cats

Starring Francesca Hayward, Jennifer Hudson, Judi Dench, Idris Elba

Directed by Tom Hooper

"Cats" has always been an anomaly to me.  The famous play was based off a book written by T.S. Elliot in 1939 called Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats that he wrote for his godchildren, which Andrew Lloyd Webber turned into a musical extravaganza that debuted in London before making its way to Broadway and to the history books, becoming the fourth longest running show in Broadway history.  A play about people dressed up as cats singing songs about being cats and basically performing to get into cat heaven or something like that really shouldn't have become the success it has, because it really doesn't make a lot of sense, but somehow it has.  "Les Miserables" and "The King's Speech" director Tom Hooper decided to bring the long-running Broadway play to the big screen, and once again proved that it's nearly impossible to bring a stage play to the big screen, as the entire film was a complete an utter mess, an embarrassment for pretty much everyone involved, and (save for one moment) a total disappointment.

In a world where cats can sing, dance, and have oddly strange human faces, Victoria (Francesca Hayward) is abandoned by her owners and left to fend for herself in the dreary London streets, before she's adopted in a sense with a group of strays called Jelliciles who are eagerly awaiting the big Jellicile Ball, which is an annual ceremony where cats compete to win the right to go to the Heaviside Layer to be given a new life.  Victoria is introduced to several of the contestants including tabby Jennyanydots (Rebel Wilson), tomcat Rum Tum Tugger (Jason Derulo), wealthy fat cat Bustopher Jones (James Corden), tap dancing tidy ginger Skimbleshanks (Steven McRae), and elder theater cat Gus (Ian McKellen).  Among the group, however, is villainous stray Macavity (Idris Elba), who feels the Heaviside Layer is his birthright and goes about kidnapping the other contestants, with the help of Bombalurina (Taylor Swift).

Victoria then meets glamour cat Grizabella (Jennifer Hudson), who's been shunned by the other cats for her previous connections to Macavity, and who is always on the peripheral as she wants to win, but knows that she'll never get the chance.  Then the mistress of ceremonies, Old Deuteronomy (Judi Dench), arrives, and the competition begins.

Before "American Idol" and "America's Got Talent," there was "Cats," apparently, which is a talent competition where the winner is given a new life, and that's the main thrust of the film.  The conflict is minimal at best, as even the major villain isn't all that frightening, and there's hardly a moment of tension anywhere in the story.  The London sets are so incredibly strange and off-putting, but pale in comparison to the CGI (or however they did it) of the cats themselves - giving them creepy human faces mixed with cat bodies that does not work well on screen (so much so that even director Hooper re-released the film only after two days in theaters with the effects polished, but not even that helps) - and while it's supposed to be a family-friendly film, I can see kids literally run screaming out of the theater and suffer nightmares for decades to come.

The songs are unmemorable and weak, and also drive the narrative forward as there's very little actual dialogue, which is also a detriment to the film because the singing is so loud and mixed that you don't really understand the words they're singing, so you have no clue what's happening - not that the story is cerebral in any sense of the word.

It's also very unfortunate that such big name actors have lent their talents to a bomb of this caliber.  I wonder what Ian McKellen was thinking when he had to drink milk out of a saucer, or Judi Dench having to just look like a ragged, incredibly off-putting cat as she looks into the camera at the final moments to sing about appreciating cats in real life.  Or Jason Derulo singing about milk, Idris Elba stalking the shadows like a cat-Batman, and sorry T-Swift fans, but she's only on for about ten minutes.  This is a stain on all their records, and a very inauspicious start to ballerina Francesca Hayward's film career as this is her first major motion picture.

The lone shining light, the one thing preventing me from giving this a D-, is the money shot: the performance of the most popular song in the musical (and even one of the most popular songs in all of Broadway history), "Memory."  The song has been sung countless times by highly talented people, and the two best in my opinion are from Betty Buckley and Elaine Paige, but there's been countless famous women who've tackled the song including Celine Dion, Barbra Streisand, and Leona Lewis - but Jennifer Hudson is now my third favorite rendition of the song, and the sole saving grace of this mess of a film.  When she belts it out, you feel every note on a deeply personal level, you feel the passion and drive in her voice, and as the other cats are left in tears (which I feel isn't a part of the script, but their actual response to hearing greatness in front of them), I found myself tearing up as well and even applauding, which would've been strange but since I was the only one in the theater I didn't mind.  I wouldn't say you should see the film solely for this moment, as you can hear her rendition on YouTube, but even hearing it without the story context takes away a bit of the power, and it really does make Grizabella's journey come full circle.  So, I guess, if you're planning on seeing this, see it solely for this moment.

I have no idea what Tom Hooper or any of the big name stars were thinking in bringing "Cats" to the big screen, but it turned into a total mess with the sole exception of Jennifer Hudson's powerhouse performance, and otherwise it's just a meowful mess.

The Score: D