JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire Starring Rebecca Hall, Bryan Tyree Henry, Dan Stephens, Kaylee Hottle Directed by Adam Wingard Godzilla and King Kong have been frenemies since 1962, either fighting one another or joining together to fight a similar foe, and as the decades went forward technology made them even larger, grandiose, and intimidating. No more figures shambling on the screen, now we're treated with the best CGI and motion capture has to offer, giving both Godzilla and Kong a more fascinating look than ever before. Godzilla himself is now an Oscar-winning franchise having won Best Visual Effects for the glorious "Godzilla: Minus One" last year (that has nothing to do with this cinematic universe, but by far is the best film with "Godzilla" in the title). This time around, Godzilla and Kong join forces against an evil ape uprising that could spell doom for the world. After their last epic fight, King Kong returns to Hollow Earth while Godzilla remains o...

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey II Starring Scott Chambers, Tallulah Evans, Ryan Oliva, Teresa Banham Directed by Rhys Frake-Waterfield Do you remember when the first live-action "Sonic the Hedgehog" trailer came out, and everyone despised the Sonic design so much that the company spent millions of dollars to make it more appropriate, resulting in a colossal cinematic hit? That's a sign that sometimes companies really want to put out quality content not to get money but because they care about the audience and their product. Last year, "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey" was released due to the original rights of Winnie and company (sans Tigger) became public domain, so of course these beloved children's icons would be turned into ravenous killers. The result is nothing short of terrible: the film was boring, Pooh and Piglet looked like people wearing cheap plastic masks from the Halloween store, the story didn't make a lick of sense, and it seemed that ...

Immaculate Starring Sydney Sweeney, Alvaro Morte, Benedetta Porcaroli, Dora Romano Directed by Michael Mohan There was a comedy movie that came out in 2004 called "Saved!" about a group of Christian school teens trying to balance faith and free will, and it was a downright hoot that I still laugh out loud to today. When one of the girls in the school gets pregnant, she's watching a play about the birth of Jesus and wonders..."I know this is wrong, but do you ever wonder if she just made the whole thing up? I mean, it's a pretty good one. It's not like anyone can ever use virgin birth as an excuse again. if Mary made the whole thing up." Well, director Michael Mohan must have seen that movie too and thought, "hold my beer" as he in fact made a movie where the main character is seemingly impregnated as a virgin. While not as funny, "Immaculate" does have some intentional (and non-intentional) humor thrown in, while proving Sydney Sw...

Road House Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Conor McGregor, Daniela Melchior, Billy Magnussen Directed by Doug Liman There's a meme featuring Lisa Simpson of "The Simpsons" standing in front of a screen with the words: "Instead of remaking great movies, they should remake bad movies that were based on good stories but did not meet expectations." I wholeheartedly agree with this statement, as in when they remake the classics it hardly ever turns out as good as the original, while bad movies that have good concepts can only get better - right? Take "Road House," a 1989 film starring Patrick Swayze that wasn't necessarily bad, but not one people remember fondly. In fact, pretty much anyone nowadays who remember it remembers it due to the "Family Guy" spoof when Peter Griffin says, "Road House." It wasn't a bad movie, but one that no one would've imagined getting a remake because it was a cult classic and not a well-known one. Yet ...

Cabrini Starring Cristiana Dell'Anna, David Morse, Romana Maggiora Vergano, Federico Ielapi Directed by Alejandro Monteverde Whereas I'm not traditionally a huge fan of musical biopics because they mostly gloss over every aspect of the singer's life and gives a Wikipedia-infused story, general biopics of ordinary people who've done the extraordinary are a guilty pleasure of mine. Seeing ordinary people who endured hardship after hardship to make a lasting change in the word - many of whom have names lost to history - are some of the strongest people in the world. They didn't change the world to become famous, they did it because it was the right thing to do. It gives us a challenge ourselves: would we do the same thing, or would we cave under the insurmountable odds stacked against us? For Francesca Cabrini, she not only endured the hardships - she embraced them, and her work led to lasting change not just in America but throughout the world, making her the patron s...

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire Starring Paul Rudd, Carrie Coon, McKenna Grace, Fynn Wolfhard Directed by Gil Kenan 1984's "Ghostbusters" was a huge hit and became a cultural phenomenon, not just supplying a sequel but successful video games and a Saturday morning cartoon series, and generations now know the hit theme song and can easily answer the question: "who you gonna call?" The series got a reboot of sorts with "Ghostbusters: Afterlife" in 2021 and was a modest hit, accumulating $203 million worldwide. The film brought back the legacy characters Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and Ernie Hudson while honoring the late Harold Ramis by incorporating his on-screen family as the next generation of Ghostbusters. The film was a great blend of classic and modern with humor, heart, and emotion - so did "Frozen Empire" live up to its predecessor or was it more a cash grab to take advantage of a re-awakened juggernaut? In New York City, the new Ghostbusters ...

Imaginary Starring DeWanda Wise, Tom Payne, Pyper Braun, Taegen Burns Directed by Jeff Wadlow 2024 is the year for imaginary friends, with the upcoming John Krasinski-directed Ryan Reynolds-starring comedy "IF" as well as this forgettable Blumhouse production "Imaginary." Sure, it's only two films, but since imaginary friends haven't had prominence in entertainment since the amazing "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends" ended in 2009, and hopefully "IF" fares better than "Imaginary," a film that'll make you wish it was just a faded childhood memory - because honestly you probably won't remember it anyway. Jessica (DeWanda Wise) is the new wife to rocker Max (Tom Payne) and a stepmother to his two daughters - teenager Taylor (Taegen Burns) and young Alice (Pyper Braun). Taylor doesn't like Jessica while Alice likes her for the most part, and after moving back into Jessica's childhood home Alice finds an abando...

Love Lies Bleeding Starring Kristen Stewart, Katy O'Brian, Ed Harris, Dave Franco Directed by Rose Glass Director Rose Glass is a visionary, a female director who beats to her own drum, and who offers unique, powerful films - and this is just her second outing. She excels at the theme of obsession, as in her debut feature "Saint Maud" the main character's obsession is religion, while "Love Lies Bleeding" centers around a more opaque obsession: what makes someone powerful. Guns, muscles, lies, even love...whatever gets you the upper hand is what the characters here obsess over and lust after, creating unique portrayals of a once-male dominated subgenre of the noir sexy thriller and tells it through a female lens that transforms the characters from caricatures into fully three-dimensional beings who will live rent-free in your head long after the credits end. In a small New Mexico town in 1989, Lou (Kristen Stewart) is a reclusive gym manager who's father ...

Arthur the King Starring Mark Wahlberg, Ukai, Simu Liu, Nathalie Emmanuel Directed by Simon Cellan Jones Directors say there's two different obstacles that comes with directing films: children and animals. Not that they're necessarily bad, but it's harder to direct them rather than acclaimed actors who know what they're doing. Animals specifically could be hard to tame, unless they're already established as actors who have handlers that have trained them to act. Fortunately for director Simon Cellan Jones, he found the goodest boy in Ukai, a trained dog who is the heart and soul of his (mostly) true biopic "Arthur the King," a tale of wonder and amazement as an injured street dog achieved the impossible and found a new home in the most unlikely of places. Michael Light (Mark Wahlberg) has a passion for racing, and for the last three years he's haunted by the last race he didn't win because he allowed his own pride to get in the way of his team'...

Kung Fu Panda 4 Starring Jack Black, Awkwafina, Viola Davis, Dustin Hoffman Directed by Mike Mitchell Kids' animated movies are more often than not surefire cash cows. Even if they're terrible, you're bound to get more butts in the seats than other genres because parents drag their (sometimes) numerous children to see it, each one paying a price for a ticket. You got a built-in audience that other genres don't get, so even if the animated movie is subpar, they're bound to be successes. Add to it a long-running franchise and even though it questions its own existence, it's bound to be a huge hit. Such it is with "Kung Fu Panda 4," a film that could've easily been put on streaming because it doesn't really warrant a big-screen treatment due to the side-quest nature it delivers - but it made it to the big screen anyway, and will undoubtedly be a big hit, just from the nature of it. Enjoying his time as the Dragon Warrior and all the fame it brings...

The First Annual JoeMama Movie Awards Hello and welcome to the First Annual JoeMama Movie Awards, where we honor the best in cinema in 2023 as voted on by you, the fans! After weeks of voting the votes have been tallied and it's time to reveal who will win the coveted JoeMama Movie Statuette!   First up is Outstanding Performance in a Horror Movie. The nominees are... Alyssa Sutherland for Evil Dead Rise Dave Bautista for Knock at the Cabin Ezequiel Rodriguez for When Evil Lurks Jenna Ortega for Scream VI Kaitlyn Dever for No One Will Save You Melissa Barrera for Scream VI Nicolas Cage for Renfield Russell Crowe for The Pope's Exorcist Tobin Bell for Saw X And the JoeMama goes to... Jenna Ortega! Next is the award for Outstanding Performance in a Dramatic Movie. The nominees are... Annette Bening for Nyad Bradley Cooper for Maestro Cillian Murphy for Oppenheimer Greta Lee for Past Lives Joaquin Phoenix for Beau is Afraid Leonardo DiCaprio for Killers of the Flower Moon Lily Gla...

The First Annual Not-JoeMama Movie Awards Hello and welcome to the First Annual Not-JoeMama Movie Awards, where we "honor" the worst in cinema in 2023 as voted on by you, the fans! After weeks of voting the votes have been tallied and it's time to reveal who will win the not-so-coveted Not-JoeMama Movie Statuette!   First up is the award for Worst Performance in a Horror Movie. The nominees are... Alexander Skarsgaard for Infinity Pool David Duchovny for Pet Sematary: Bloodlines Jackson White for Pet Sematary: Bloodlines Jennifer Nettles for Exorcist: Believer Leslie Odom Jr. for Exorcist: Believer Lizzy Caplan for Cobweb Nikolai Leon for Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood & Honey Piglet for Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood & Honey Sophie Thatcher for The Boogeyman Winnie-the-Pooh for Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood & Honey And the Not-JoeMama goes to... Winnie-the-Pooh! (oh bother) Now for the Worst Performance in a Comedic Movie. The nominees are... Anna Konkle for The Drop Bert Kreische...