Worst2First: Halloween Movies

Worst2First: Halloween Movies

The 1980s introduced audiences to the unstoppable monster.  The bad guy that can never be stopped, which was proven by how many sequels they appeared in.  Jason Voorhees.  Freddy Krueger.  Chucky.  Pinhead.  They dominated the 80s and are still highly influential even today.

Still, there was one that started it all.  In 1978, director John Carpenter gave life to the original Boogeyman.  His name was Michael Myers.

No, not THAT one.

THAT one!

Seen as the expressionless killer, Michael has never uttered a word, never shown his actual face (with the exception to Zombie's films, plus a glimpse in the fifth and - thanks to Ray for reminding me - a better glance in the first after Laurie rips it off), and hides behind the ultimate expressionless facade - a plain white mask that shows no emotion.  As a tiny tidbit, the mask is actually a William Shatner mask from "Star Trek" that was spray-painted white.

Although not as numerous as the "Friday the 13th" series, "Halloween" has spawned a number of sequels (one of which isn't particularly canon), and recently director Rob Zombie resurrected the "Halloween" series with two of his own re-imaginings.

Altogether there's ten movies with the "Halloween" mantle assigned to it, and here they are ranked by myself...Worst2First.

**There will be spoilers throughout, so read at your own risk!**

#10

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

I begin the list with the film that isn't even a true "Halloween" film.  No Haddonfield.  No Michael Myers.  No Dr. Loomis.  No Jamie Lee Curtis.  After the first two films were released, John Carpenter felt that he could take the series and make it anthologies of different Halloween-themed events and fears, but the moviegoing audience didn't buy it nor the film, causing him to re-evaluate his life and decide that the world indeed needed more Michael Myers.

In "The Season of the Witch," an evil corporation - in connection with witchcraft and Celtic fairy tales - decide to kill millions of children on Halloween through their trademarked Silver Shamrock masks and a commercial, in hopes of...bringing some evil to the world maybe?  Not entirely sure.  Maybe Cthulhu.  Anyway, it's up to one man and one woman to stop it.

Starring 80s staples Tom Atkins, Stacey Nelkin and Oscar-nominated actor Dan O'Herlihy, "Season of the Witch" isn't necessarily a bad film, but within the canon of the "Halloween" series, it simply doesn't belong.

#9

 

Halloween II (2009)

Rob Zombie is one of today's most prolific and downright deranged horror directors, and I mean that in a good way.  Check out "House of 1000 Corpses," "The Devil's Rejects" and "Lords of Salem" to get that meaning.  He always said "Halloween" was one of his greatest early influences, and wanted to re-tell the story of Michael Myers in his own vein.

While the first one wasn't bad, it was this one that really stunk.  There's a thing with re-telling a story, but doing that to a classic could either work out extremely well, or bomb terribly.  This one bombed.

There's a lot of issues I had with this film:
-Michael is now Jason Voorhees sized.  He's no longer the average male height and weight, but now he's a hulking giant of a man.
-Michael literally travels all over Illinois in search for his sister, which took away from the intimate feel of him hunting his family.
-Michael has visions of his mother (Rob Zombie's real-life wife Sheri Moon Zombie) in white, on a white horse, for some odd reason.
-Laurie is a pill popping lowlife, nowhere near the classic horror hero Jamie Lee Curtis was.
-Dr. Loomis is now a self-promoter, out to sell his book and sell out everyone else in the process.

There's one interesting tidbit: Oscar winner Octavia Spencer ("The Help," "Snowpiercer") appears as a nurse who gets brutally murdered by Michael.

So, as I said earlier, there's a way to re-tell a classic story and make it work, and there's a way not to.  This is a classic tale of how you don't.

#8

Halloween Resurrection

Just...why?

In the eighth (and final non-Rob Zombie canon) installment, we start off right away with Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis, in her final "Halloween" appearance) locked in a mental hospital after discovering she had killed an innocent man at the end of "H20," and not her psychotic brother.  He finds her, and subsequently finishes what he sought to do for so long - finishes her off.

As the audience is already ticked off by that, the movie continues with no real purpose, since Michael's ultimate goal was to eradicate his family, which he now achieved.  I guess the man needs a hobby.

Welcome to the 21st century, filled with cameras, reality TV, and Tyra Banks.  Banks and Busta Rhymes appear in this film as two sleazy producers who have the perfect gimmick - send a bunch of kids in the old Myers house, and film everything.

So Michael returns home and, as anyone who notices a bunch of dimwit people have invaded their home, begins dispatching them one-by-one, all to an Internet audience of millions.

For a "Halloween" movie, this one features a number of famous actors.  Besides Curtis, Banks and Rhymes, there's also a young Katee Sackhoff, Sean Patrick Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas and Ryan Merriman.  Goes to show with a more well-known cast, you can still produce a terrible film.  

The premise is as silly as it sounds, and the ending is even worse. 

#7

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

There comes a time when you really don't want to understand the "why" behind your favorite horror villains.  It seems to take away from the terror knowing what goes through their head.

With "Halloween 6," they try to tell Michael's reasoning behind his killing, which all of a sudden involves a cult (which was never even hinted at in any of the previous installments), and just gives a disservice to the series.

It also marks the end of Jamie Lloyd, who gave birth to a child before Michael got to her.  This child is now being raised in Haddonfield by the Strode family, who now live in the Myers house.  Tommy (the kid Laurie babysat in the original film), is their neighbor who discovers the truth behind Michael and the cult.  Michael returns home to continue his family slaying, but gives a deeper story with the cult associated with him.

There's a director's cut somewhere out there that is said to be a lot better than the final cut, but since I haven't seen it, I'm going by what I saw.

Two interesting things about this film:  It's the premiere film of Paul Rudd, best known for his comedic roles in "Anchorman" and "Role Models" as well as being Marvel's "Ant-Man," and it's the final film of Donald Pleasence, who passed away shortly after filming.  Dr. Loomis would never be the same again.

#6

Halloween (2007)

Rob Zombie finally released his version of the "Halloween" tale, and it wasn't necessarily bad - just different.  The original series didn't touch Michael's childhood, while this one has a heavy emphasis on it.  Plus Zombie enlisted WCW fighter Tyler Mane to play Michael, and needless to say he's a brute of a man, which takes away from Michael's "everyman" persona.

Malcolm McDowell takes on Donald Pleasence's Dr. Loomis with mixed results, but it's the return of Danielle Harris that really marked the film.  She had played young Jamie Lloyd in the fourth and fifth installments, and had virtually disappeared from the movie industry after coming into contact with a real-life stalker.  She finally returns to the series that made her a star, this time appearing as Laurie's friend Annie.  It was really cool seeing her back in her element, and that's mostly why I have a good nostalgic feel for this re-telling.

#5

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

Set one year after the events of the fourth film, young Jamie is now mute from the fear she endured before, and now has a psychic bond with her killer Uncle Michael.  Michael Myers returns to Haddonfield to kill Jamie, and Dr. Loomis returns as well to protect her.

Besides Jamie's psychic bond, and Michael finally unmasking (for a brief second, and we hardly see anything), "Halloween 5" really doesn't add much to the series, with the exception of it being a continuation of the fourth.  It's still very enjoyable though.

#4

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

After the disaster that was "Halloween III," John Carpenter brings Michael Myers back to the big screen.  Laurie Strode is thought dead, and the only surviving member of Myers' family is his seven year old niece Jamie.  He returns to Haddonfield to kill her, but she's protected by Dr. Loomis and her adopted sister Rachel, along with a whole town hell bent on ending the myth of Michael Myers forever.

With terrific performances by Donald Pleasence, Danielle Harris and Ellie Cornell, and with two capable and likable leads, plus a lot of gory fun, "Halloween 4" was a welcome return to the Michael Myers story.

#3

Halloween: H20

It was 1998, twenty years after the original "Halloween" graced cinema screens.  To honor this milestone, director Steve Miner (who directed the second and third "Friday the 13th" movies) decided to release "Halloween: H20," a film that honors the series in a way very few film franchises have been able to.

Having been thought dead during the fourth and fifth installments, we discover that Laurie Strode is still alive, living in northern California with a son and boyfriend, and working as a headmistress.  Under an assumed name, Laurie felt safe - until Michael found her once again.

What makes this film so iconic is the reunion of Jamie Lee Curtis and the "Halloween" franchise, and shows us that the original Scream Queen is still the best.  She's tough as nails, powerful and unafraid.  She kicks some serious butt.  She's freaking Jamie Lee Curtis!

The acting is fantastic for a horror film, thanks to several well-known actors including Curtis, Adam Arkin, Oscar-nominee Michelle Williams, Josh Hartnett, Jodi Lyn O'Keefe, and cameos by Vivian Leigh (Jamie Lee Curtis's mother and iconic "Psycho" star), Joseph Gordon-Levitt and LL Cool J.  The script is smart, fresh, and compelling, and the meeting of one of horror's most iconic heroes and villains is one for the history books.

#2

Halloween II

"Halloween II" isn't much a sequel as it is a continuation.  The film picks off right after the events of the first film, with Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) incapacitated in the hospital after being brutally attacked by Michael Myers.  Defenseless, she's a sitting duck for the unstoppable killer, who attacks the hospital and stalks Laurie.

Meanwhile, Dr. Loomis learns more about Michael's motives, and finds out a terrifying truth between Myers and Laurie - they're brother and sister, and that's the reason Michael has been stalking her.  It is a startling revelation, and adds depth to both characters.  The story, much like the first, is cleverly written, and the setting is eerie and haunting.  You'd expect a hospital to be filled with patients and workers, but it being Halloween, there's a skeleton crew and not a lot of patients, which adds to the haunting atmosphere.  "Halloween II" gives audiences an intense cat-and-mouse game set in dark corridors and delivers a sense of hopelessness and fear.

#1

Halloween

The one that started it all was the best of the bunch.  Before we knew Michael's motives, before Rob Zombie's remake, before Tyra Banks, there was "Halloween."  Young Michael Myers kills his sister and is put in a mental institution under the care of Dr. Loomis, until he escapes one night and returns to his hometown of Haddonfield, Illinois.

Laurie Strode is a carefree babysitter who's as good as they come.  For some reason, Michael has chosen her to stalk, and in the meantime he dispatches her friends one-by-one, until they finally meet and the epic cat-and-mouse game begins.

Jamie Lee Curtis shows here why she's the OG Scream Queen, the one millions of wannabe actresses idolize.  She portrays the virginal nice girl to a T here, but also a deep inner strength that comes out when she's in danger.

What also makes the film so terrifying is that it could happen to anyone.  The whole babysitter-in-danger story has been done in films such as "When a Stranger Calls," and it's even the focus of a famous urban legend.  It's not some alien or ghost that's killing people - it's a seemingly normal human being.  And that is downright terrifying.

The story is a slow burn, but keeps you on the edge of your seat.  The film goes from creepy moment to creepy moment before it goes full tilt and Laurie finds herself fighting for her life. It's a true underdog tale, and shows that we all have the power within ourselves to overcome any obstacles.

Honorable Mention:

Halloween: 25 Years of Terror

 The must-have for any "Halloween" fan, this two-disc set contains behind-the-scenes looks, interviews, and a special feature returning to the town that started it all.

There it is, my personal list of the "Halloween" films, from Worst2First.