Pan
Pan
Starring Levi Miller, Hugh Jackman, Garrett Hedlund, Rooney Mara
Directed by Joe Wright
The Story:
After being abandoned by his mother (Amanda Seyfried) at the orphanage, Peter (Levi Miller) grew up to the age of twelve when he discovered kids disappearing at night. One night he investigates and discovers pirates coming down from the sky and scooping the kids up - along with Peter himself.
Transported to another world called Neverland, Peter and his friends come under the rule of the dreaded Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman), who forces the children to work in the mines to harvest fairy dust, which keeps Blackbeard young. After an altercation, Peter is set to walk the plank, but then learns he can fly, which fulfills a prophecy about a Chosen One coming to rescue Neverland from Blackbeard.
Together with new friend James Hook (Garrett Hedlund), Peter escapes Blackbeard and travels to a native land where they're rescued by Tiger Lily (Rooney Mara) and are told of Peter's true heritage - his mother was a fierce warrior who went against Blackbeard and joined with the Fairy King, to whom Peter was born to.
Peter, Hook and Tiger Lily set out to the Fairy Kingdom to find Peter's mother, with Blackbeard and his men closely behind. As they travel, Peter begins to come to terms with who he really is, what he's destined to do, and learning if he has the faith and bravery to achieve the impossible.
The Synopsis:
While watching this thing I spent time thinking of different hilarious and pointless puns. I came up with two:
"Now, I don't want to PAN this film..."
"The only difference between PAN and PAIN is I...I watched Pan, and now I'm in Pain."
Hilarious, I know.
Anyway, back to this. There's so much to discuss. Never thought I'd see a Peter Pan film that made that live NBC adaptation seem Tony worthy. Nor how they totally whitewashed Tiger Lily by casting a Caucasian woman in the role. Or how, after "Pirates of the Caribbean," every pirate in the history of ever has to try to live up to Johnny Depp's iconic performance by acting as erratic and flamboyant as he did - and each time failing miserably.
"Pan" is a prequel, which means it only goes in one direction, and everyone knows which way it goes. Joe Wright, most famous for directing amazing dramatic pieces such as "Atonement" and "Pride and Prejudice" tries to flip the script by having Peter and Hook working as friends, but even that is contrived and everyone knows where it'll lead. There's no indications to Hook's future intentions or evil desires, and with the exception of a crocodile, it doesn't really give him much to work with character wise.
Time for the story. As you've seen in countless other films, the movie centers around a young boy who seems wholly unimportant, who finds out he's the most important person who ever lived. This boy must then spend his time learning what it means to be special, and to find the strength inside to face his destiny. This is the central theme of the story, and while newcomer Levi Miller tries his best, he becomes more a whiny, bratty kid who all of a sudden becomes great at the flick of a switch, despite having seen countless natives and fairies die along the way.
Then there's the addition of Blackbeard, which, to my knowledge, never existed in the world of Peter Pan. I could be wrong, I haven't seen the original classic since I was eight, but I remember Blackbeard more with Sir Morgan than anyone else. Hugh Jackman's performance here is highly misplaced, and as an Oscar-nominated actor, he should've known better. He's entirely over the top, overly dramatic, and extremely cartoonish, which takes away from any depth of character or actual fear he's supposed to instill.
As far as Hook is concerned, Garrett Hedlund's performance was a mixture of one part Jack Sparrow, one part Jack Nicholson, one part Han Solo and one part Indiana Jones, which altogether equals a conglomerate mess of a character who's equally as annoying as Blackbeard himself.
With regards to Tiger Lily...well...besides the fact that she's supposed to be a minority, she surprisingly had the best, most grounded performance. I was actually enjoying her character.
Still, I could imagine the conversation at the Mara household...
Kate: "I made the most offputting movie of the year!"
Rooney: "No way, sis! I did!"
Kate: "I was a part of a franchise that fans loved for years, and with one reboot we completely tarnished it for decades to come!"
Rooney: "I, too, was part of a franchise that fans loved for years, and with one prequel we completely tarnished it for decades to come!"
Kate: "I was Sue Storm in Fantastic Four and even I made Jessica Alba's performance better!"
Rooney: "I am an Oscar nominated actress!"
Kate: "...You win."
(In case you didn't know, Kate Mara and Rooney Mara are sisters. Kate was in the reboot of "Fantastic Four," and Rooney was Tiger Lily in "Pan").
The effects of the film ran the gambit from ho-hum washout to over-the-top, Baz Luhrmann style colors that made me wish I was color blind. To me, this gif came to mind:
We won't even discuss how, in a film that's supposed to take place during World War II, everyone knows the lyrics to Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit," which wasn't released until 1991.
The Summary:
For a movie that never wants to grow up, "Pan" sure succeeded in feeling like a middle school performance.
The Score: C
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