Worst2First: Everything Friday the 13th

Worst2First: 
Everything Friday the 13th

 Growing up, I absolutely loved the Friday the 13th series.  It's got one of cinema's most iconic serial killers in the form of Jason Voorhees, who has a tragic backstory that causes him to be the unstoppable killer he is today.  The fact that he never speaks leaves the viewer open to seeing him as any scary thing they could think of.  He doesn't have the dry wit of Freddy, nor the philosophies of Pinhead.  He's the silent killer that lurks in the shadows who watches...and waits.

There's been twelve Friday the 13th films (including Freddy vs. Jason), a documentary, with two video games and television series, and I'll now give my personal list of my favorite Friday the 13th everything...from Worst2First.

**THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS!**

#16

Friday the 13th NES Game

 Hailed as one of the worst video games in history, the Nintendo "Friday the 13th" game is a laughable take on everyone's lovable hockey-masked killer.  You get to play as six different counselors (each with their pros and cons, including those who are faster than others) who travel Camp Crystal Lake in search of Jason, and protecting the kids you've kept in cabins on the lake.  All the while you're also battling zombies, devil dogs and other enemies never included in the film series, and when that alarm goes off saying Jason is at the childrens' cabins, you have to high-tail it on a boat to the cabins to fight him before he kills the children (kinda morbid for a NES game).  The actual Jason fights are hilarious in that it's like a "Mike Tyson Punch Out" wannabe as Jason (in all his...purple?....glory) jabs and moves like a boxer.  Don't get me started on Jason's mother (which is virtually impossible to find in the woods).  Just a mess from start to finish (also, the finish itself is very unsatisfactory). 

#15

Friday the 13th: The Television Series

The television series which ran for three seasons only has two things in common with Friday the 13th - the title, and star John D. LeMay, who also starred in "Jason Goes to Hell" (albeit that was after the series ended - and not even the same character).  The series followed Micki (Louise Robey) and Ryan (LeMay) and their friend Jack (Chris Wiggins) as they went in search of cursed antiques, bringing them to their store's vault for safe keeping.  Basically they're Ed and Lorraine Warren.  Jason Voorhees is never mentioned, nor is Camp Crystal Lake, or anything associated with the film franchise.

#14

 Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning

After the success of The Final Chapter, it's no surprise they brought Jason back for another round of murder and mayhem.  This time, the kills occur in a place far removed from Crystal Lake to a halfway house for troubled teens called Pinehurst, where a now teenage Tommy Jarvis resides.  After taking Freddy out in TFC, he went on a mental break and ended up at the halfway house - but he apparently didn't come alone.

What went well for the film is the continuation of the Tommy Jarvis saga, the only character to appear in several Friday the 13th films.  Unfortunately, that's pretty much the only redeeming quality of the film, because there's a twist to the film that's somewhat disheartening for a true "Friday the 13th" fan.

#13

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

Once again, we're treated with the "final" Friday the 13th film, and it all seems like deja vu.  Speaking of deja vu, this is another Jason film where Jason is hardly present.  In the opening sequence, Jason chases a seemingly hapless girl through Crystal Lake, only to be ambushed by the FBI, who literally blows him to bits.

His heart is taken to Youngstown, Ohio (shout out!  Whoop!), where the coroner sees it beating and, of course, decides to eat it.  He ingests Jason's evil, and Jason's soul takes him over and begins killing again.  There's only one catch: human vessels are weak, and he has to keep moving from person to person in order to survive.
If that's not enough, the director decides to take the Jason mythos and turn it on its head.  Throughout the Friday series, Jason was seen as being an only child to the dutiful Pamela Voorhees, but now it turns out that Jason has a living half-sister, a niece, and her baby and the only way he can survive is to transplant his evil into her - and the only way he can die forever is at the hands of another Voorhees.

So for totally changing Jason's legacy and, once again, not having him in the film, Jason Goes to Hell ranks near the bottom of the list.

#12

 Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

When news broke that the eighth Friday the 13th installment would take place in New York City, people were excited.  However, instead of seeing Jason take on Lady Liberty, we see him...on a cruise ship.  For 90% of the movie.  As he silently kills teens heading to New York for their senior trip - even though all the "teens" look well into their twenties.

Anyway, besides the false advertising of Jason taking over Manhattan, Jason has some of the most corny, stupid kills in the franchise.  From killing a girl with an electric guitar to literally punching a guy's head off, there's very little to the imagination here.  Not to mention one of his worst deaths in the series.

On the plus side, this is the first film Kelly Hu was in.  Don't remember her?  She was in "The Scorpion King" and played Lady Deathstrike in "X2."

#11

Jason X

In the year 2455, Earth is an uninhabitable wasteland, and a crew travels there and finds someone frozen on ice - Jason Voorhees.  Why he was left on ice, and how he survived really aren't mentioned, but once he's unfrozen on the spaceship he continues his killing ways.

Combining the Friday the 13th series with sci-fi wasn't a good mix, even though the film does include one of Jason's most unique kills (freezing a girl's head then smashing it).  Jason gets a bionic upgrade which seems downright pointless, and the ending is laughable at best.

#10

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

From this film on, the Friday the 13th films become very decent and enjoyable.  This marks the return of Tommy Jarvis who decides to go to Jason's grave to make sure he's dead for real.  This, of course, backfires and he inadvertently raises Jason from the dead.

The marks the new Jason, the one that's more than just a mindless human killing machine, and turns him into an unstoppable monster.  No longer can he be dispatched easily, but now it takes a whole lot of effort to put the monster down.  

This also marks the final appearance of Tommy, Jason's biggest foe.  As he tries to warn the new counselors at Crystal Lake - which was renamed to Forest Green to dispel fears of parents - he faces his worst nightmare in a now supernaturally powered Jason.  

What I enjoyed most about this installment is that there's not a lot of characters that you just wait to be dispatched, but it focuses on a small group of counselors that you know by name and begin to care for, even though you know they'll eventually fall to Jason's blade.

#9

Friday the 13th Part 3

Recently you've noticed that movies seem to play on the gimmick of being in 3D.  Well, this wasn't the first time in cinematic history this has happened.

Friday the 13th Part 3 has the distinction of being the only Friday movie filmed in 3D, which, needless to say, doesn't hold well to the test of time.  The effects are downright laughable and takes you away from the seriousness of the film.  Still, the characters are very well-drawn-out and more than just cannon fodder for Jason, and we get a really decent hero because of it.  It's also the film where Jason dons his now-iconic hockey mask.

#8

Freddy vs. Jason

For as long as the Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street series have existed, fans have been dying to see their two iconic unstoppable killers come face-to-face.  In 2003, it finally happened in Freddy vs. Jason and, much like everything else you've been waiting for, fails to deliver such high expectations.

Still, it's not a bad film.  Seeing Robert Englund as Freddy is refreshing as he battles against Jason after bringing him back from the dead to kill kids on Elm Street so they will remember Freddy again, but there was just something missing in this iconic clash of the unstoppable killing monsters.  The supporting cast was intriguing, as it hosted a bunch of rather well-known actors including Kelly Rowland (Destiny's Child), Jason Ritter (John Ritter's son), Monica Keena ("Dawson's Creek") and Chris Marquette ("Just Friends").

#7

Friday the 13th (2009)

Not so much a remake as a re-imagining, this installment of the Friday the 13th series takes Jason to a whole new level.  Instead of a mindless killing machine, he now has a motive, intelligence, and speed.  He makes tunnels underneath Crystal Lake in order to get around, and kidnaps a girl who resembles his mother, which leads her brother ("Supernatural" star Jared Padalecki) to find her, enlisting the help of a group of teens there for vacation.

"Friday the 13th" encompasses aspects of the first three films and gives Jason greater strength and speed, running through the forest of Crystal Lake at breakneck speed in order to catch his victims.  Throw in Danielle Panabaker, Travis Van Winkle, America Olivo, Ryan Hansen and Willa Ford, and you've got a decent re-telling of the iconic man in the hockey mask.  Plus it's just a down-and-out good time.

#6

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

The one that was supposed to end it all turned out to be one of the best in the franchise.  Jason takes on a group of teens on vacation, as well as a family who's staying in a cabin nearby, including a young boy named Tommy Jarvis.

What made this film work is the excellent casting choices, including a young Corey Feldman as the titular Tommy Jarvis, "The Last American Virgin" star Lawrence Monoson, and a then relatively unknown actor named Crispin Glover.  The characters had depth to them, and each one had a unique quality that made you actually care for them.  There wasn't a bad guy in the bunch, and it was really sad to see Jason dispatch them one-by-one, and we're introduced to Jason's greatest adversary in Tommy.

#5

Friday the 13th Part II

Jason is back from the dead and wreaking havoc on a group of counselors training to work at Crystal Lake for the summer.  We get a larger group of counselors, and also some with fully developed stories.  Careful time is given to appreciate these people, and it's a thrilling, exciting film where Jason gets some unique kills and gives us a strong, sensible, tough final girl.

#4

 

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

As a child, young Tina witnesses her abusive father beating on her mother, which unleashes telekinetic powers inside her, causing her father to drown at Crystal Lake.

Years later, she returns with her mother and doctor in hopes of coming to terms with her powers as well as trying to gain some mental stability.  This doesn't work well, as she tries to resurrect her father, but instead brings Jason back to life, and he begins his killing spree on a group of friends at the camp for summer vacation.

The thing I enjoyed most about this Friday more than any other is Tina.  She is different than other final girls as she's not only extremely intelligent, but she also has telekinetic powers that she uses against Jason.  This gives her a leg up on the competition, so to speak, as Jason has never encountered a person with supernatural powers before.  This leads to one of the most satisfying final chases in the Friday the 13th series, and gives birth to one of its great heroines in Tina.

#3

His Name Was Jason: 30 Years of Friday the 13th

"His Name Was Jason" is an excellent documentary on the history of the franchise from the first to the last.  Hosted by makeup specialist Tom Savini, the two-disc set contains over four hours of footage, including behind-the-scenes looks, photographs and interviews with over 80 actors, directors, and every person that's donned the now iconic hockey mask.










#2

Friday the 13th

Of course, the film that started it all would finish in first place as far as the films go.  The first Friday the 13th gave life to the iconic killing machine, and served as a low-budget whodunit thriller.  Plus it was Kevin Bacon's first film. It was such a small, independent film that no one figured a series would come of it, but it did.  It was the film that made people afraid to go to camp.  It taught us the important rules of staying alive in a horror movie.  It was a pitch-perfect film.

#1

Friday the 13th: The Game

Ever since the NES installment, I have been dying (not literally) for a video game that does Jason justice.  After a small game development company started a Kickstarter campaign to fund their own game, they managed to raise even more money than they expected.  The result is "Friday the 13th: The Game," available for PS4, XBox One and PC, and finally gives diehard Jason fans what they've pined for for decades.  Even though it's only mulitplayer (for now), the game is fantastic.  Yes, there were kinks and bugs to start, but most of those have now been patched.  The game consists of eight players - seven counselors, and Jason, chosen at random.  There's four maps (from the first four films), and as counselors you have to go around the cabins and find parts of a car, parts of a boat or a fuse box to call the police in order to survive.  The eighth player is Jason, who hunts the other counselors and tries to kill them all before either time runs out or they escape.  It's fun, exciting, scary, and everything you'd imagine if you were in a "Friday the 13th" movie.