The Huntsman: Winter's War

The Huntsman: Winter's War

Starring Chris Hemsworth, Jessica Chastain, Emily Blunt, Charlize Theron

Directed by Cedric Nicolas-Troyan

The Story:
Before Snow White, Ravenna (Charlize Theron) and her sister Freya (Emily Blunt) are two very different sisters: Ravenna yearns absolute power and rule, while Freya falls in love and wants to start a family.  Ravenna wants to unleash Freya's untapped power, and after a tragedy takes the life of Freya's child, she unleashes that power in the form of ice.  Now totally abandoning love, Freya takes off to the north where she builds her empire of ice, amassing a large army of Huntsmen, and training children to fight.  She has only one law: love is forbidden.

Two of her best Huntsmen, Eric (Chris Hemsworth) and Sara (Jessica Chastain) grow up together and eventually fall in love.  When Freya discovers this, she sets out to end the love.  Eric is sent away, where for seven years he feels he's lost the true love of his life.  When word reaches him that the magic mirror was stolen, he sets out to find it before Freya does.

The Synopsis:
"Snow White and the Huntsman" was a surprise hit, especially considering the ever-awful Kristen Stewart played the lead role.  It was a much different take than the original tale, as Snow White is now a warrior who sets out to claim her land.  She defeats Ravenna, gains a kingdom, and supposedly falls in love with the Huntsman.  The film wrapped everything up nicely, so when word of a sequel was announced, I wondered what the point was.  It seemed like a cheap add-on, in hopes of gaining more money from a film that didn't require a franchise.  Then, when it was announced that Kristen Stewart wasn't going to be in it, I REALLY wondered what the point of this sequel was.

Then I found out it wasn't a sequel.  Well, it was a sequel, but it was also a prequel.  So basically it was like having the two ends of the hamburger buns, but without the meat in the center.  Just wasted carbohydrates.  Unfortunately, that's what the film delivered - emptiness.  So I'll discuss the film in the two parts it was introduced as.

Part 1: Pointless Prequel
After some pointless narration from Liam Neeson (he must've gotten paid a fortune, which is completely pointless because the story is so simple even a third grader could get it), we're introduced to Ravenna and her sister Freya (which I'm not sure is ever mentioned in "Snow White"), Ravenna is up to her old tricks, Freya loses her daughter (a buck to the person who can tell me how that happens - it's not that complicated), Freya goes Elsa-Rambo and becomes an Ice Queen, and she no longer loves.  She sends an army to kill people and take their children to "rescue" them from love and raise them to be warriors.  That's where Eric and Sara meet, and fall in love.  Worked well for Romeo and Juliet.  They get separated in a seemingly shocking fashion (which later is revealed as a "screw you" to the audience), with Eric banished from the Ice Kingdom.  Everything is an oddly humdrum affair, especially considering infanticide just took place.  However, I digress.  The real story here is the love between Eric and Sara.  Or is the real story here about Freya's frozen heart who couldn't...let it go? (I had to include that).  Or is the real, real story about Ravenna's unyielding thirst for power and being the prettiest princess?  Maybe the rest of the film will fill in those gaps.

Part 2: White's Winterless Wonderland
This is the point where you stop "Winter's War," pop in "Snow White and the Huntsman," and then you'll get everything that happened in-between.  Hopefully you didn't see "Winter's War" in the theaters, because you couldn't do this, and therefore might not understand the ending.  Or you've seen this, and you still don't understand the ending.  Both are acceptable.

Part 3: Sequel Shuns Sensibility
Now we're back to "Winter's War," now fully aware that the Huntsman's wife is dead, Ravenna is dead, and the Huntsman and Snow White live happily ever after.  Only the Huntsman's wife isn't dead, Ravenna is confined to the mirror, and it seems that the Huntsman doesn't even have a fleeting care for Snow White.  Alrightythen.

For the final act, we find that the mirror is missing, and Eric has to find it before Freya gets her frozen Elsa gloveless hands on it.  So he reunites with Sara, gets some dwarfs, and sets out to get the mirror back.  Throw in one scene completely ripped off "Indiana Jones" and we're taken to the Ice Palace for a final confrontation between Eric/Sara and Freya/newly released Ravenna.  Or is it Eric/Sara/Freya versus Ravenna?  Ravenna/Eric vs. Sara/Freya?  A "Street Fighter" style free-for-all with a special appearance by Jean-Claude Van Damme as Guile?  Who knows.  The fight itself pits people against people, sister against sister, in a climactic battle for ultimate dominance.  Or it's just Elsa having a temper tantrum.  Did I just mix "Winter's War" with "Frozen?"  Probably.

Back to the film itself.  It's just a big ole mess that shuns continuity and has so many subplots it drags the film to a nearly-pain-inducing runtime, filled with wasted talent (the "chemistry" between Chastain and Hemsworth is as strong as a small line of rope that's already cut halfway), and proves Hollywood will milk anything it can if they think they can profit from it.

However, not all of it is bad.  Emily Blunt and Charlize Theron are stunningly beautiful, with some masterful makeup and costume designs, and Freya's Ice Castle is a gem to behold.  Just everything else about it is pretty awful.

The Summary:
If you wanted to see "Frozen" where Elsa is filled with angst, this would be your film.  Otherwise, it's a pointless presequel that falls as flat as Olaf when he gets crushed in the snow.

The Score: B