Left Behind

Left Behind

Starring Nicolas Cage, Chad Michael Murray, Cassi Thomson, Jordin Sparks

Directed by Vic Armstrong

The Story:
Rayford Steele (Nicolas Cage) is a pilot who's married to now-devout Christian Irene (Lea Thompson), and is having affairs with numerous women.  He gets away from his wife to pilot a plane to London with hot stewardess Hattie (Nicky Whelan) in hopes of wooing her with U2 tickets, when his daughter Chloe (Cassi Thomson) arrives for a visit.  Undeterred in his plan, Rayford leaves his daughter at the airport, to the chagrin of herself and world famous investigative reporter Buck Williams (Chad Michael Murray), who just met her.

As the plane is in the air, and Chloe is spending some quality time with her younger brother, an event happens where millions of people - mostly children - disappear, leaving behind only their clothes.  Chloe is shocked to see her brother and mother gone, and the world turned into chaos.  Meanwhile, 30,000 feet in the air, Rayford has to deal with the event as well - and a group of terrified, angered passengers and a plane quickly losing fuel, as no one on the ground responds for his calls for help.

The Synopsis:
"Left Behind" is a movie based off a series of books by Jerry Jenkins and Tim LaHaye that focuses on the Biblical (although not technically in the Bible) Rapture, which is a time where God calls to heaven those who belong to Him, leaving behind the wicked to endure the coming of the antichrist.  This should be a cataclysmic event, spiraling the ever-psychotic Nicolas Cage into a frenzy the likes "The Wicker Man" has never seen.  That's probably why he was selected for this film, but instead of the classic Cage freakout, he performs like a sleepwalker throughout, nary raising his voice or showing any true emotions.  That was unfortunate.

Speaking of unfortunate, that's how you could categorize this entire "movie," if you would call it that.  The one thing that it had going was that it was better than the original "Left Behind" released in 2000, starring Kirk Cameron.  Just typing the words "starring Kirk Cameron" should show how truly terrible it was.  So that's a small notch this movie had that the original didn't.

Still, as a Christian, I must say that the Christian film industry is weak at best.  There's some small glints of hope ("War Room," "Heaven is For Real," "God's Not Dead"), but even those - compared to the vast greatness of cinematic history - is like the crud you wipe off the bottom of your shoe.  Pretty much every Christian film has the same archetypes, the same generic cookie-cutter stereotypes you find in every Christian film.  My friends and I even mapped out those types before we started the movie, and unfortunately we were proven right every time:
-The philandering husband (check)
-The devoutly Christian mother who does nothing but talk about God all the time (check)
-The nearly scantly clad (for a Christian film) Jezebel (check)
-The suicidal girl (check)
-The single mother (check)
-The druggie (check)
-The smart Asian (check)
-The ruthless, wealthy Texan (check)
-The Muslim perceived to be a terrorist (check)

There's also a midget.  An angry midget.  He's angry because he's short, and because other people ask him odd questions (yet no one asks him said questions, he asks them himself - like a preemptive strike).

Back to the movie.  For a bigger budget, it sure looks like they scrimped on the effects, story, acting, production, and pretty much everything in-between. 

As the Rapture happens, Chloe is in the mall, so she witnesses the best in people who come together after a traumatic national event...nah, she's witness to what people REALLY would do in that situation - lift anything not bolted to the ground.  Mostly TVs.  Lots of people take TVs, and not even the biggest sized ones.  As she runs home (because her car is hit by an incoming biplane - I might add, her car is the ONLY car that is hit, it's like she's a main character or something), she witnesses a school bus going over a bridge, only to discover everyone in the bus has been Raptured (which leaves me to wonder how 1) the bus could've kept going so long without a driver and 2) how the bus could've gone anywhere after the driver was taken, unless his shoe was hard enough to remain pushed on the gas pedal the entire time).  She arrives home to see her mother gone, but her Bible clearly visible.  Angered, she Sandy Koufax-ed that Bible straight at a window, shattering said window.  I never knew Bibles could break windows, or any books for that matter (especially paperback, it wasn't even a hardback).

Speaking more about Chloe because, why not, the film was so terrible, I found it amazing she knew so much.  She could drive a motorcycle with ease, drive a truck, random construction equipment and even set things on fire in epic fashion.  She's quite scrappy for a girl who...uh...we really know nothing about.  So maybe she's trained in all that, I have no idea.

As far as set designs go, it looks like something anyone could make if they had an empty building.  The film really only goes from one set piece to another - the cockpit, the first class section, the nosebleed section, and random ground shots.  The lighting was awful, and the Steele family photo looks like the worst Photoshop editing done in the history of life.   As far as the soundtrack goes, it too is rather awful.  There's sappy sentimental music where there shouldn't be, thrilling crescendos at the most un-thrilling (is that a word?  No?  Then I just made it) times, and swells occur as people talk to the point you couldn't hear what they're saying.  Not that you cared anyway, because the dialogue is as hackneyed as if it were written by a four year old.

The Summary:

So what can I say that I haven't already said?  Simply, this film is an atrocious mess from start-to-finish, yet still enjoyable to make fun of with a group of friends.  However, as far as legitimate cinema goes, it's one of the worst films not just of the year, but all time.

The Score: D-