JoeMama's Movie Reviews

#10: Saving Mr. Banks A stirring true tale of how Mary Poppins came to being, brilliantly acted by Emma Thompson and Tom Hanks, that contains humor, heart, drama and redemption. http://joemamamoviereview.blogspot.com/2014/01/saving-mr-banks.html #9: Captain America: The Winter Soldier One of Marvel's best, filled with nonstop action as well as wit and humor. http://joemamamoviereview.blogspot.com/2014/04/captain-america-winter-soldier.html #8: Fury Another gripping true-life tale, not to mention amazing tank action and a compelling storyline. http://joemamamoviereview.blogspot.com/2014/10/fury.html #7: X-Men: Days of Future Past My favorite X-Men movie to date, which takes a complex tale of time travel and is able to make sense of it all. http://joemamamoviereview.blogspot.com/2014/05/x-men-days-of-future-past.html #6: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Another brilliant prequel that shows man is sometimes worse than beast. http://joemamamoviereview.blogspot.com/2014/07/dawn-of-plane...

Ouija Starring Olivia Cooke, Ana Coto, Daren Kagasoff, Bianca Santos Directed by Stiles White Synopsis: After the apparent suicide of her best friend, Laine (Olivia Cooke) decides to communicate with her dead best friend through the Ouija board with her other friends, and instead of communicating with her, they open a door for evil to come through, and now the friends are being haunted by an evil presence that resided in the house.  Now it's up to Laine to discover how to stop the spirit before she and her friends become the next casualties. Review: I want to play a game.  Let's see how many PG-13 horror cliches are found in this film... Does it have... -random interchangeable characters whose names you never care to know? Check -said random characters being known for their roles ("main girl," "best friend," "sister," "boyfriend," "grieving boyfriend," "slutty friend")?  Check -lots of jump scenes yo...

Dumb and Dumber To Starring Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels, Rob Riggle, Laurie Holden Directed by Bobby Farrelly and Peter Farrelly Synopsis: Lloyd (Jim Carrey) and Harry (Jeff Daniels) are up to their old antics twenty years after the original comedy hit.  Now they're traveling the country in search of Harry's estranged daughter in hopes of a good reunion as well as a kidney for Harry.  Along the way they become unwitting pawns in a dastardly plan to score millions from Harry's daughter's adopted father. Review: Twenty years after the original, "Dumb and Dumber To" brings back together the comedic geniuses of Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels and the Farrelly Brothers, in a film that harkens to the older style of comedy, where there are still several crude jokes, there's also surprisingly intelligent humor coming from the two best friends who probably share one half of a working brain between the two. While the film doesn't travel into any new terri...

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies Starring Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, Orlando Bloom Directed by Peter Jackson Synopsis: Having regained their mountain, the Dwarfs, led by Thorin (Richard Armitage), are basking in the glow of their victory, while Thorin basks in the vast gold found within the mountain, which turns him into a greedy backstabber.  Bilbo (Martin Freeman) senses this change and goes to Bard (Luke Evans) and the Elvin king Thranduil (Lee Pace), who are planning on waging war against the Dwarfs for their share of the gold. Meanwhile, after escaping Sauron, Gandalf (Ian McKellen) learns of an Orc army that is marching toward the Lonely Mountain, and also travels there to warn everyone of the upcoming battle, but it's too late as armies of Dwarfs, Men, Elves and Orcs have converged on the site, for one final battle for control of the Mountain - and the gold inside. Review: "The Lord of the Rings" is my favorite movie s...

The Purge: Anarchy Starring Frank Grillo, Carmen Ejogo, Zach Gilford, Kiele Sanchez Directed by James DeMonaco Synopsis: The annual Purge is about to begin.  One night out of the year where all crime is legal, including murder.  The New Founding Fathers of America see this as a way to reduce crime rate and unemployment, but people know that it's just a way for the privileged and wealthy to kill those they deem as not worthy to live. For Leo (Frank Grillo), the Purge is a night to get revenge on a man for murdering his young son.  For Eva (Carmen Ejogo) and her daughter Cali (Zoe Soul), the Purge is a night to secure themselves in their apartment and survive.  For fledgling couple Shane (Zach Gilford) and Liz (Kiele Sanchez), it's a night to try to survive the streets as their car breaks down right before the Purge begins.  These strangers' lives will intersect in a night filled with terror, violence and the darkest side of humanity. Review: I ne...

Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort Starring Anthony Ilott, Chris Jarvis, Aqueela Zoll, Sadie Katz Directed by Valeri Milev Synopsis: Having gone through some traumatic events in his life, Danny (Anthony Ilott) is a man without a family, until he learns he's inherited a spa resort, and, more importantly, a chance to learn who he really is.  With his girlfriend Toni (Aqueela Zoll) and some friends, he heads to the resort and meets caretakers Jackson (Chris Jarvis) and his lover/sister Sally (Sadie Katz). As Danny begins to learn about his heritage, his friends start going missing at the hands of the cannibalistic inbreds Three Finger, Saw Tooth and One Eye.  Toni has bad feelings, but Danny insists on staying and turning the once thriving resort back to its original glory, and he's faced with a deadly decision - stay with his friends, or join with his real family. Review: For this sequel...or prequel?...the once intriguing Wrong Turn series once again takes...a wrong tur...

Interstellar Starring Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Michael Caine Directed by Christopher Nolan Synopsis: As the Earth slowly dies due to an unending Dust Bowl that causes an agricultural collapse, a team of astronauts led by former NASA pilot Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) and scientist Brand (Anne Hathaway) blast off into space to investigate a mysterious wormhole that opened up near Saturn.  They travel through the wormhole into another galaxy where there's three alien planets that could support life, but also include strong gravitational forces that affect the passage of time. Cooper wants to find the planet so his young daughter Murphy (Mackenzie Foy) and humanity itself doesn't perish, but unforseen circumstances cause them to be delayed, and Cooper is devastated to learn that his little girl has grown into a woman (played by Jessica Chastain), who devotes her life to helping find a way off the dying Earth. Review: In 1968, legendar...

Way of the Wicked Starring Vinnie Jones, Emily Tennant, Jake Croker, Christian Slater Directed by Kevin Carraway Synopsis: When they were younger, Heather (Emily Tennant) and Robbie (Jake Croker) were involved in a situation that resulted in the unnatural death of a fellow student.  Robbie and his family left town, but five years later they've returned, and Robbie still has feelings for Heather.  Upon his return, a series of strange deaths begin to occur that seem to center on the teen, and local priest Henry (Christian Slater) seems to believe Robbie is the antichrist, and go to Heather's father (Vinnie Jones), a detective, for help.  Is Robbie really the antichrist, and would evil prevail over good? Review: When you have Christian Slater as the lead on the DVD cover, and he's literally in the film for a whole five minutes, you got problems.  When your headline actor hasn't done anything worthwhile in years, you come into the film expecting something ...

Transcendence Starring Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, Paul Bettany, Morgan Freeman  Directed by Wally Pfister Synopsis: Will Caster (Johnny Depp) and his wife Evelyn (Rebecca Hall) are scientists who worked together to create a sentient computer, to the chagrin of several, including a radical group known as R.I.F.T. who believe the Casters are playing God.  Will is shot by one of its members, and the bullet is laced with polonium, which is radiation and cannot be cured, and Will is given a month to live. In desperation, Evelyn decides to upload Will's consciousness to the computer, and after he dies he "transcends" death by becoming the machine, and after Evelyn hooks him to the Internet, he becomes a supreme being. Years later, Will - through the computer - has been able to heal diseases and create plants, but there's a deadly side effect that threatens the existence of organic humanity if Will's lust for supreme power cannot be stopped. Review: Th...

Compliance Starring Ann Dowd, Dreama Walker, Pat Healy, Philip Ettinger Directed by Craig Zobel Synopsis: It began as an ordinary Friday at a fast food restaurant.  Sandra (Ann Dowd), the manager, was understaffed and faced a predicament of someone having left the freezer open overnight, spoiling some of the food.  She thought that would be the wort of her day, but the true terror was just beginning. She receives a mysterious phone call from someone calling themselves Officer Daniels (Pat Healy), who tells Sandra that a customer has reported money being stolen from her by Sandra's employee Becky (Dreama Walker).  Sandra calls Becky to her office and, having been given orders by Officer Daniels on the phone, searches her.  This is only the beginning of a day of terror for Becky, and a prank that turns into something unthinkable. Review: The film begins with "based on actual events," and I've seen enough films to know that this is very loosely interpre...

Sharknado 2: The Second One Starring Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Vivica A. Fox, Mark McGrath Directed by Anthony Ferrante Synopsis: While heading to New York to visit family, Finn (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) are thrown in the middle of a storm - a sharknado storm - as two sharknadoes converge on the Big Apple, it's up to them to save the city. Review: I enter the DVD into the player. Me to my brain: "Brain, take the next hour or so off.  Enjoy yourself." Brain: "Alright." Turns off. Turns on movie. Me: "Ha ha ha.  Kelly Osbourne.  Ha ha ha.  Matt Lauer and Al Roker!  Ha ha ha, sharks in tornadoes!  Ha ha ha, Kelly and Michael!  Ha ha ha Vivica A. Fox with a sword!  Ha ha ha, chainsaw!" Summary: Turn your brain off, for this is about as mindless as you can imagine. My Rating: C

The Place Beyond the Pines Starring Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes, Bradley Cooper, Dane DeHaan Directed by Derek Cianfrance Synopsis: Luke (Ryan Gosling) is a motorcycle stunt rider who travels the country.  After a show in his hometown, he visits his old flame Romina (Eva Mendes), and finds out that he has a son.  He quits the circuit and vows to be a good father to his son, unlike his own father was. Without money, Luke resorts to robbing banks in order to provide for his son, and it spirals out of control until he eventually comes face-to-face with Officer Avery (Bradley Cooper). Avery wants to flush out the corruption in Schenectady, but he's just an ordinary beat cop, until he takes down Luke and is proclaimed a hero.  He exposes the corruption and begins to rise among the ranks. Fifteen years later, Luke's son Jason (Dane DeHaan), and Avery's son AJ (Emory Cohen), are teenagers at the same school, and become fast friends, without knowing the history the...

Let's Be Cops Starring Jake Johnson, Damon Wayans Jr., Rob Riggle, Nina Dobrev Directed by Luke Greenfield Synopsis: Ryan (Jake Johnson) is a former college football star who suffered an injury and is now unemployed and for all accounts a loser.  His roommate and best friend Justin (Damon Wayans Jr.) is a video game developer who doesn't have the courage to stand up for himself and have his ideas heard. One night they're invited to a costume party (which turns out to be a masquerade party, but according to Ryan, they're "all the same"), and they go dressed as cops.  When they leave the party they learn they draw attention from the public, and it gives them a sense of belonging and power, so they decide to keep up the charade.  Ryan is more into the farce than Justin, going as far as watching YouTube videos, buying an old police car and even getting a police scanner and real sirens. At first its fun and games, but then the guys come into contact ...

Snowpiercer Starring Chris Evans, Kang-ho Song, John Hurt, Tilda Swinton Directed by Joon-ho Bong Synopsis: In 2014, the government conducted an experiment to eradicate global warming, but instead it sent the world into a new Ice Age.  All of humanity perished, except the few who were able to find their way to Snowpiercer - a train that perpetually criss-crossed the globe and sustained life within. Within that train the social classes have evolved.  The front of the train includes the wealthy and privileged, and as the train headed toward the back, the lower classes lived, until the utterly destitute were found in the back. Curtis (Chris Evans) is tired of living like scum, and plans a revolution with his friend Edgar (Jamie Bell) and his mentor Gilliam (John Hurt) to take over the train and advance to the front, where the mysterious Wilford (Ed Harris) - the man who invented the train - resided. As they advance from traincar to traincar, Curtis and his frien...

The Rover Starring Guy Pearce, Robert Pattinson, Scoot McNairy, David Field Directed by David Michod Synopsis: In Australia, ten years after a global economic collapse, Eric (Guy Pearce) is minding his own business when his car is stolen by Henry (Scott McNairy), and he embarks on a rampage to get it back.  Along the way he finds Henry's brother Rey (Robert Pattinson), and the two form a very uneasy bond as they face unparalleled perils and dangers as Eric makes his way to Henry and the real reason why he's so interested in getting his car back. Review: It was interesting to see a film that takes place during a post-apocalyptic event, but it not being some zombie apocalypse or a global nuclear devastation, but instead what would happen if the economy collapsed - something that is unfortunately very possible. Back to the film itself, I was pleasantly surprised how well Robert Pattinson performed, especially since I've only really known him from that awful ...

Fury Starring Brad Pitt, Logan Lerman, Shia LaBeouf, Jon Bernthal Directed by David Ayer Synopsis: In April 1945, the European Theater of World War II is ending, and the Allies are making their final push into Nazi territory, but the Germans have a powerful weapon - their tanks are more powerful and can sustain more damage than the American tanks. "Wardaddy" (Brad Pitt) has commanded his Fury tank for years, and has kept the same three men at his side - "Bible" (Shia LaBeouf), "Gordo" (Michael Pena) and "Coon-Ass" (Jon Bernthal), and the men consider each other family. With the addition of Norman (Logan Lerman) - a youthful lad who has never seen the ravages of war - the four men try to initiate him into the real terrors of war that at first terrify Norman, but slowly he begins to understand that it's either kill or be killed. When their tank breaks down on the middle of a road, they become sitting ducks as an army of Germa...

The Signal Starring Brenton Thwaites, Laurence Fishburne, Olivia Cooke, Beau Knapp Directed by William Eubank Synopsis: MIT students Nic (Brenton Thwaites), Haley (Olivia Cooke) and Jonah (Beau Knapp) are on a cross-country road trip to deliver Haley to California, and along the way they use their computer skills to locate a hacker known as NOMAD who almost got them expelled from MIT. They find NOMAD's location, and suddenly things become very weird, as all three black out, and when he comes to, Nic is in a strange facility with everyone wearing hazmat suits, and the mysterious Damon (Laurence Fishburne) asking him questions.  He doesn't know where his friends are, he doesn't know what happened, but as things slowly become clearer, Nic discovers a mysterious conspiracy involving the government and aliens, and how he and his friends have become the ultimate guinea pigs. Review: "The Signal" is a smart, psychological thriller that boasts an amazing ...

The Colony Starring Kevin Zegers, Laurence Fishburne, Bill Paxton, Charlotte Sullivan Directed by Jeff Renfroe Synopsis: In 2045, humanity built weather machines to control the climate due to global warming, but the machines break down and the world is tossed into another ice age, where the survivors have to bunker down underground.  Briggs (Laurence Fishburne) is the leader of Colony 7, and when he hears a distress call from Colony 5, he takes Sam (Kevin Zegers) and another community member to find out what happened.  He leaves Kai (Charlotte Sullivan) in charge, rather than his friend Mason (Bill Paxton), who is seen more as a dictator than a contributing community member. Upon arriving at Colony 5, the group learns of a location where they've gotten the weather machine to work again, but they also run into a gang of cannibals who killed the entire Colony, and chases them back home. Review: I am a sucker for post-apocalyptic movies, and I heard some good thin...

Into the Storm Starring Max Deacon, Sarah Wayne Callies, Nathan Kress, Richard Armitage Directed by Steven Quale Synopsis: It's graduation day in Silverton, Oklahoma.  Vice Principal Gary (Richard Armitage) is busy getting everything prepared, ignoring his sons Donnie (Max Deacon) and Trey (Nathan Kress), who are supposed to videotape the graduation.  As a storm looms, he debates holding off graduation, but decides against it, while Donnie skips out to do a special film with Kaitlyn (Alycia Carey), a girl in school he likes. Meanwhile, a team of storm chasers led by the annoying and downright rude Pete (Matt Walsh) are on a dry streak, and they feel this upcoming storm system is what they need to finally find a tornado.  Allison (Sarah Wayne Callies), the meteorologist on the team, uses her instincts and directs them to Silverton. As the outdoor graduation ceremony takes place, storm clouds form, and soon the town in the setting for several horrific tornado...

The Giver Starring Jeff Bridges, Meryl Streep, Brenton Thwaites, Odeya Rush Directed by Phillip Noyce Synopsis: In 2048, after a great war, those who survived have chosen to get rid of races, emotions, feelings and other things that they considered tainted.  They've all had their memories erased, except for the Receiver of Memory (Jeff Bridges), who is the only person in the community who has memories.  He advises the Chief Elder (Meryl Streep) and the other Elders on decisions in the community. On his graduation day, Jonas (Brenton Thwaites) is given the job of the Receiver of Memory, and receives memories from the Giver (Bridges).  At first he experiences all the things society was good for - friendship, love, dancing, music, and color.  As he experiences these new feelings, he wants to share them with his family and his good friend Fiona (Odeya Rush), but he is instructed not to do so.  Soon Jonas experiences the worst the old world had to offer...

The Spell Starring Lee Grant, Susan Myers, Lelia Goldoni, Helen Hunt Directed by Lee Philips Synopsis: Rita (Susan Myers) is an overweight girl who is taunted by her classmates, ridiculed by her father and teased by her younger sister (Helen Hunt).  One day she discovers she has telekinesis, and  begins taking revenge.  Her mother, Marilyn (Lee Grant) knows something is wrong and sets out to make it right. Review: Terrible.  Utterly, utterly terrible.  A wannabe "Carrie" film.  Fails on every level.  Acting is atrocious.  There's stupid music that goes from Alfred Hitchcock-style to random 70s TV comedy shows.  The only interesting thing was that it was one of Helen Hunt's first roles.  Other than that, there's nothing here. Summary: Avoid, avoid...and avoid! My Rating: D-

Rio 2 Starring Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway, Bruno Mars, Kristin Chenoweth Directed by Carlos Saldanha Synopsis: Blu (Jesse Eisenberg) and his wife Jewel (Anne Hathaway) are living an ideal life in Rio with their three young children, when they discover that there's more blue macaws in the Amazon jungle.  Jewel is enthusiastic to take the kids into the jungle to find them, but Blu is more apprehensive, but finally agrees.  Unknown to them, they're followed by their old enemy Nigel (Jermaine Clement), as well as a band of construction workers who desire to cut down the trees in the Amazon. Upon arrival, Jewel discovers her father is still alive, as well as her aunt and other childhood friends, and she and the children flourish in their new environment, while Blu struggles after being domesticated his whole life.  At first he is shunned and ostracized by the other macaws, but his knowledge of people might just be what they need to survive. Review: The fir...

Annabelle Starring Annabelle Wallis, Ward Horton, Tony Amendola, Alfre Woodard Directed by John Leonetti Synopsis: Expecting parents Mia (Annabelle Wallis) and John (Ward Horton) experience a night of terror at the hands of two cult members who die in their home, the female committing suicide while cradling a doll John gave Mia. Soon after, strange events begin to occur, and Mia doesn't feel safe in her home after a mysterious fire.  They move to an apartment complex where the events begin escalating, and it becomes clear to Mia that something is after her and especially her newborn baby.  Believing the devil is living inside her doll, she turns to Father Perez (Tony Amendola), but not even the church can help her.  The devil won't quit until he gets what he wants - a soul. Review: "Annabelle" is based off a real life account of a possessed doll (in reality, it was a Raggedy Ann doll, not a Victorian porcelain doll) that landed in the hands of world-f...

Paranormal Asylum: The Revenge of Typhoid Mary Starring Aaron Mathias, Nathan Spiteri, Laura Gilreath, Jenny Mitchell Directed by Nimrod Zalmanowitz Synopsis: Longtime friends Mark (Aaron Mathias) and Andy (Nathan Spiteri) are making a documentary on Typhoid Mary.  With the help of Andy's girlfriend Michelle (Laura Gilreath), they place cameras in an abandoned asylum where Mary was supposedly taken to, and things start going downhill fast.  Mark is chased by ghosts, Michelle gets possessed, and someone human is out to stop their investigation at any cost.  All of which leads to a surprising conclusion with a twist ending that you won't believe - because it's incredibly unbelievable. Review: The movie had promise, that's for sure.  An investigation into the mystery that is Typhoid Mary is something intriguing, but unfortunately it becomes a jumbled mess involving soul eating witches, exorcists, trained assassins, old men jumping from roofs, a possessed w...