Dear Santa

Dear Santa
Starring Robert Timothy Smith, Jack Black, Jaden Carson Baker, Kai Cech
Directed by Bobby Farrelly

Dear Satan, I know I've been a good boy this year and I know it really ticks you off, but could you please make it so this movie never existed? I promise I'll try to be evil next year if you wipe this piece of crap from existence, I promise! No? Dang. Well I tried.

It's almost Christmas, and young dyslexic loner kid Liam Turner (Robert Timothy Smith) still believes in Santa, and writes him his yearly letter, but addresses it to "Satan" instead of "Santa," so Satan (Jack Black) pays him a visit, telling the kid he never gets letters from children. He offers Liam three wishes, and after the third wish is granted he'll take Liam's soul to hell forever. Liam knows Satan's tricks and refuses to make his third wish, but soon realizes the tricks Satan pulls are dubious, and Liam has a heart as pure as gold who wants to see others do better, and the only way for that to happen is to wish for them.

It seems that every year there's some horrible Christmas movie that tries to attract families, but while the youngest children might get a snicker out of it, they're utterly unwatchable (much like "Home Sweet Home Alone," or whatever that name was). "Dear Santa" is one such film, but a movie that's tonally all over the place. It feels like it's supposed to be a family friendly movie, but there's numerous curse words and other antics that would make parents question whether or not to show this to children. The nature of the film is really dark when you think about it - Satan taking a young boy's soul - but it's done for laughs. Then there's the highly manipulative backstory as to why Liam's parents are always fighting, and the ham-fisted ending that is all sorts of manipulative as well. It's not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, and doesn't seem to know who the target audience is.

That's due entirely to the writing, which was done by a few old men who don't seem to know what goes on in an 11-year-old's mind, but has enough potty humor to think they know. What we get is Liam, who acts like a teenager despite his tween-age, and who is really a terribly written character all around, utilizing his disability as a cheap joke, and it's sad to say but Robert Timothy Smith is just a terrible actor. He comes off as annoying most of the time, and boring the other half, and again that might be the character being written, but Smith can't pull that off.

Jack Black is trying his hardest to enjoy his role as Satan, but even he can't save this lump of coal from achieving fire. His comedy falls flat every time, and I didn't even chuckle once - moreso winced, thinking how low he can go (although he'll probably go lower in 2025 with "Minecraft" coming out, which is funny because in this movie Liam often wears Minecraft shirts). His relationship with Liam is strange at best - wanting his soul, and yet really having an emotional feeling for Liam that no demon - let alone Satan - should feel. He comes off as a caring big brother who eggs Liam on, but also seems to want the best for him for some reason, and maybe it's because Liam is wholesome, but it's not like Satan never met any wholesome people before him.

Then there's the elongated Post Malone cameo that is the sheer definition of cringe, making the film even more unwatchable than before. It's no surprise Paramount+ never even advertised this movie - it's probably their wish as well that this movie would just disappear.

The Score: D-