Paint

Paint
Starring Owen Wilson, Michaela Watkins, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Stephen Root
Directed by Brit McAdams

A soft-spoken painter. Paintings of pristine landscapes. A wonderful fro. You'd be forgiven if you thought "Paint" was a biopic about Bob Ross, one of television's most iconic, endearing, and good-natured hosts - but you'd be mistaken. Instead, "Paint" is sort of a caricature of Ross, a man who, on the outside, embodies everything Ross stood for. But underneath is a man who uses his talent to take advantage of women, a man who yearns for the spotlight, and when his decades-long career is threatened, resorts to childish behavior all hidden under an unassuming monotone voice.

Carl Nargle (Owen Wilson) has been the number one rated painting show in Vermont's PBS station for the last thirty years, and along the way his paintings have inspired people while making himself irresistible to women, especially Katherine (Michaela Watkins), whom had a relationship with him for a few months. She ended up cheating and they broke up, but he never got over it, despite being with a slew of other women afterward, but despite this his life seems to be going well: his show is still on top, people all over town recognize him in his trademark painted-up van, and he keeps doing what he loves. Then it all comes crashing down when young artist Ambrosia (Ciana Renee) shows up, and Carl's producer Tony (Stephen Root) fires him, leaving him lost, alone, and pining for his lost love.

Honestly, "Paint" is really terrible. I don't like biopics but I'd prefer a Bob Ross biopic over this overly dramatic drivel. Even while watching it I really didn't know what was happening, and not because it was so highly though provoking - I was literally bored to tears. On one hand it seems like a spoof of Bob Ross, but without any humor, heart, or dedication put into the project. Everyone seemed like a zombie going through their lines with little to no emotion, and there's no real intensity to the project.

If a film was paint by numbers, "Paint" would be the template. Successful artist pines for his lost love while maintaining a popular television show, finds that he's gotten "too old" and is replaced by the next hot young thing, and spends his time wallowing in self pity. That's essentially what the film is. There's nothing more to it than that. Owen Wilson's performance is surprising just because he decided to star in this "should've been a television show" film. Honestly I don't want to waste any more time on this, so suffice it to say this will probably land on my worst films of 2023 list.

The Score: D-