The Ice Road

The Ice Road
Starring Liam Neeson, Amber Midthunder, Marcus Thomas, Laurence Fishburne
Directed by Jonathan Hensleigh

There was a time in the late 2000s to the early-to-mid 2010s where reality shows centering on everyday people working strange, menial, and lower-class jobs were all the rage. Shows like "Storage Wars," "Shipping Wars," and "Ax Men" focused on normal people making money doing things that most people wouldn't even think about. The History Channel also took advantage of this fad with "Ice Road Truckers," centering on a group of people who drive big rigs through frozen lakes and rivers in Arctic lands in Canada and Alaska, and highlighted the real dangers of such a job - at any time, the ice beneath them could crack and send their trucks plummeting into the frozen water below. To me, I still don't understand the concept of this since there's airplanes that could carry such cargo much safer than driving across a frozen lake, but I never took much time to actually look into the real reason why they can't do that, I just was never interested in the show. Yet it was a cultural phenomenon, even spawning a SyFy Original film called "Ice Road Terror." Years after the show's cancellation, director Jonathan Hensleigh decided it was time to re-introduce the world to ice road truckers, and directed "The Ice Road," a direct-to-Netflix film starring Liam Neeson where the effects were just as awful as the SyFy Original, which is surprising considering the acting pedigree on screen.

After a blast traps several miners in a mine in Manitoba, brothers Mike (Liam Neeson) and Gurty (Marcus Thomas) McCann answer the call for ice road truckers to deliver a group of wellheads to the site to free the men. Led by fellow trucker Goldenrod (Laurence Fishburne), Mike and Gurty are accompanied by seasoned trucker Tantoo (Amber Midthunder) and actuary Varnay (Benjamin Walker), who's assigned by the mining company to asses the insurance risk for the company. While traversing the dangerous ice road, Mike learns that the road is the least of his worries, as it seems someone is trying to sabotage their journey to prevent the wellheads from reaching the trapped miners.

"The Ice Road" is one of those films that probably could've possibly worked when the Ice Road concept was a big deal, but now no one really cares about it anymore, and the movie seems like a complete slog. It meanders its way slowly, grudgingly, through it's nearly two-hour bloated runtime toward its most obvious conclusion, without providing any sense of excitement, action, or palpable tension. You know how everything is going to turn out because this is yet another film under Liam Neeson's belt where not even he cares about anymore. Long gone are the "Taken" and "The Grey" days where Neeson is actually excited about performing action-packed scenes, and now it's obvious that he just shrugs his shoulders and asks "who am I punching today?" Despite the real life problems that these characters could face in their deadly drive, there's no real problems that plague them that can't be resolved with simple logic and obvious villainous cues.

To be honest, I was mentally checking out early on in the film, when the first explosion happens that traps the miners underground looked like something straight out of a SyFy Channel original. The flames were so incredibly fake I laughed out loud, and had to double check to make sure this was the actual movie and not an Asylum knockoff. Yet, somehow, this was the same film directed by the same man who directed "Kill the Irishman" and the 2004 "Punisher" (neither are actually well-done, but even the effects in those films were top-notch compared to this), and a film that Liam Neeson lent his good name to.

The effects continued to be subpar at best and laughable at worst, as there's scenes of the ice road cracking, avalanches, and other natural disasters created by man occurring that all seemed like they were designed from an early 2010s version of Photoshop. I would say it detracted from the story, but there's very little story to be had. Miners trapped. Perilous journey to provide much-needed aid. Mole in the group tries to sabotage. Hand-to-hand combat. More hand-to-hand combat. Semi-fast chase. Yet some more hand-to-hand combat. Movie is still going. Add in some more combat. Controlled avalanche. Bad guys exposed. Gosh there's still fifty minutes left. Why is this film so long? It just keeps going. Does it ever stop? What was Neeson thinking? What am I thinking? Who thought this was a good idea? These thoughts kept going through my mind as I braved boredom and severe lack of caring to finally, gratefully, make it to the closing credits.

It's so hard to review something that's not even bad, it's a film that isn't necessary. It doesn't make anything exciting, doesn't offer anything new, doesn't give any thoughtful twists or even a thoughtful story at all, and is less than mediocre. There's not one thing that makes this film stand out where it's memorable for being good, or memorable for being bad - it's bland, predictable, and laughably stupid, but not even in an enjoyable way. Easily this is the worst in the Neeson-era action exploits, and I doubt there'll be anything that will be worse than this for the famed actor.

Simply a borefest from start to finish, "The Ice Road" is one of those rare films that by all means shouldn't exist for its sheer dumbness and lack of story, where it's not bad enough or good enough to be remembered or worth mentioning.

The Score: D-