Locked Down

Locked Down
Starring Anne Hathaway, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Stephen Merchant, Lucy Boynton
Directed by Doug Liman

One of the subsequent negative aspects about the Coronavirus was the shutting down of society, as people were placed under lockdown for weeks at a time in hopes of slowing the spread of the virus.  It was also during this time that non-essential businesses had to close, including movie theaters, and even though for the most part of the world the lockdown has lifted, movie theaters especially have had a hard go at re-opening.  This is mostly due to film companies not wanting to release their big-budget films knowing that either most theaters aren't open yet, or those that are work to limited capacity, so they wouldn't make the profit that they were hoping for.  Yet despite this, there's still some films being made, and some that even take a look at modern day events in their main theme, which "Locked Down" does - but while it served as an interesting beginning, managed to fall of the rails within the first few minutes.

Linda (Anne Hathaway) and Paxton (Chiwetel Ejiofor) are a couple living in London, stuck in their home due to the Coronavirus lockdown, but things are anything but civil between the two.  They've been estranged for awhile, and now can't literally leave the home they used to share.  Their lives are met with constant bickering and arguing, mixed with depressing Zoom calls that Linda conducts for her business, and Paxton trying to find a job since he's a convicted felon.  Paxton finally manages to get a driving job but under an assumed name, and learns that he'll be delivering at Harrods, where Linda is tasked with security as well as cleaning out the building.

Having learned there is a three million pound diamond being delivered to a bad man, Linda decides to enlist Paxton to concoct a heist to steal the diamond for themselves, split the money evenly between themselves and the National Health Service, and keep the diamond out of the hands of the bad man.  While they hatch their plan, they start coming closer together again, and maybe this heist is exactly what they need to re-ignite their passion - or send them both to jail.

"Locked Down" was written by Steven Knight, who also wrote screenplays for fantastic films like "Locke," "Dirty Pretty Things," and "Eastern Promises," but this film feels more like a screenplay that he wrote for the other Anne Hathaway starer "Serenity" - filled with pointless dialogue, a muddying pace, and incredibly thinly written characters.  The film is almost two hours long, and seems that Knight ran out of ideas halfway through, so he introduced this heist aspect of this romantic comedy virus lockdown film to pad the ending, which changes the total tone of the film instantly from a so-so romantic comedy to a watered-down heist movie.

Hathaway and Ejiofor perform admirably with the dreck what was given to them, but not even their combined star power (along with pointless cameos by the likes of Ben Kingsley, Ben Stiller, and Mindy Kahling) could lift this film from the less-than-average story it delivered.  You don't really care for either Linda or Paxton, and you feel in a sense stuck with them as they're stuck at home, which only adds to the depression you feel knowing that you'll endure the next hour and forty odd minutes with these irritating people - although you do have the power to turn it off.  I wish I did, because the whole movie was a time-sucking waste of time (yes, I said the same thing twice, but that's how time wasting it was). 

First there's the romantic comedy aspect of the film, centering on Linda and Paxton's strained relationship.  While some of the jokes were funny enough to incite a giggle or two, there were no out-of-the-park jokes that really hit a homerun, and of course the romance was nonexistent since the two were already separated at the start of the film - so calling it a "romantic comedy" is the first misnomer of this movie.  Then there's the pigeon-holed heist caper thrown in at the end, which again comes out of nowhere and leads nowhere, with absolutely no sense of tension, action, or fear of getting caught at all.  It's like they went shopping and stole a stick of gum - no one seemed to care, especially the audience watching it. 

Trying to tie modern problems with the most boring heist imaginable, "Locked Down" failed to deliver anything of substance, except for the fact that we know we won't have to sit through this on our own lockdowns, but rather change the channel.

The Score: D-