Playing With Fire

Playing With Fire

Starring John Cena, Keegan-Michael Key, John Leguizamo, Brianna Hildebrand

Directed by Andy Fickman

Some directors find themselves stuck in a rut of the same-type of film, but eventually they break out and direct something absolutely out of left field and utterly amazing.  Peter Farrelly is best known for directing comedies such as "There's Something About Mary" and "Dumb and Dumber," and last year went on to direct the Academy Award-winning drama "Green Book."  This year, Todd Phillips directed the critically acclaimed (and downright masterpiece) "Joker," but before that he was known for raunchy comedies such as the "Hangover" series and "Old School."  Andy Fickman directed films like "You Again," "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2," and "Parental Guidance," and instead of branching out and directing something stellar, memorable, or even halfway decent, he instead continued his string of terrible films with "Playing With Fire" - a title that's a misnomer, as there's absolutely nothing on fire about this film, and only produces smouldering embers.

The film follows a group of smokejumpers led by no-nonsense Jake (John Cena), who is all about work and never about play.  His crew consists of Mark (Keegan-Michael Key) who's his loyal second-in-command, Rodrigo (John Leguizamo) who has self-confidence issues, and Axe (Tyler Mane) who's a silent giant who's named Axe because he wears way too much Axe Body Spray (actually, it's because he carries an axe everywhere).

During a house fire, Jake discovers three children trapped inside - teenage Brynn (Brianna Hildebrand), her young brother Will (Christian Convery), and little sister Zoey (Finley Rose Slater).  After rescuing the children, Jake learns they'll have to keep watch over them until their parents can arrive, and they turn the pristine fire depot into their own personal playground, as Jake is at first stern, solid, and against any fun - but of course begins to loosen up and learn the values of fun and relationship, as he gives another go with Doctor Amy Hicks (Judy Greer), whom he emotionally pushed away earlier.

There's much to be said about the timing of the film's release, as California has been ravaged lately by wildfires that'd killed people and left thousands homeless.  The opening scene of the film features the smokejumpers coming to the aid of civilians stuck in the flames, to the tune of "Uptown Funk" - not very tonally appropriate, and it only goes downhill from there.  The film follows the same tropes that come with films like this - stern, by-the-books man begrudgingly takes in unruly, rowdy kids who destroy his fire depot and as the film progresses we learn more about the children and are supposed to feel some sort of emotional connection to their plight, leading the former stern man to open his heart and accept the goodness all around him.  Plus a lot of poop jokes and low-brow humor in between.  Yes, this is a family film that's geared for children, but it should provide at least something for those poor parents and guardians who are dragged to the theater to sit through it.

John Cena takes on the role that was held by other bulky action stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vin Diesel, playing the gruff smokejumper captain who's never cried and has spent his entire life literally tied to his job, who spends his whole time at the station and lives for the next fire.  Obviously, you know he'll undergo the touching transformation, and by now it's so formulaic it bears no sense of emotion whatsoever.  Keegan-Michael Key is the lone saving grace of the film (but not by much) as the energetic assistant to Cena's Jake, but even his running gag of always appearing out of nowhere grows stale after the first time doing it.  John Leguizamo doesn't get a lot to do to accompany his great comedic acting chops, and Tyler Mane does right by not saying a word but just lumbers around like a silent giant that you know has a heart of gold.  Then there's Judy Greer, who's absolutely, tremendously wasted as Cena's wannabe love interest who shares absolutely no chemistry with the former wrestler, and who doesn't get much more to do than pine for her wannabe flame.

The children themselves are no prize either.  Christian Convery plays young Will, who is pretty inept in intelligence even for a youngster (logic dictates when you fire a gun thinking it's a Nerf gun and a flare shoots out, you don't fire the other one, but he seemingly skipped over that bit of information).  Finley Rose Slater plays young Zoe, and it's forgivable for her to not really do much but look cute and conduct all the poop jokes, but she also has a scream that'll break glass.  Finally there's the tough, street smart Brynn, who begins the film as a total jerk and lightens up when she reveals why she's that way, and it was to my great shock to find the role being played by Brianna Hidlebrand, who recently did tremendous work as Negasonic Teenage Warhead in the "Deadpool" franchise.  Suffice it to say this is not just a step down for the actress, but she went down so hard she basically slid down the learning curve like the Banana Splits.

The script suffers so much in so many ways, from pacing to tone to even attempting to make any sort of sense, you could write a dissertation discussing how terrible it all is.  We're supposed to laugh along as the kids perform their obliged wild antics of being cooped up in a fire station and all the fun they can find in it (such as nail guns, toxic liquids and flare guns, all which will be the newest, hottest toys this Black Friday season), along with the obligatory poop jokes that you'd expect from such a low-brow script.  We're supposed to suddenly feel an emotional resonance as the kids tell their hard-knock life, but by that point in time (which I'm sure is only 45 minutes or so into the film, but since it's only 90 minutes it felt like two hours) we've already tuned out.  We're supposed to buy the concept that a hardened, gruff man can do a complete reversal in no time flat and believe it's plausible.  There's too much suspension of belief for such a simplistic, poorly written, poorly acted farce - and the real disbelief comes with thinking anyone would've thought this was a good idea at all.

They say when you play with fire you're bound to get burned, and watching "Playing With Fire" will burn you because you'll loose the precious time you could've spent doing something more productive, fun, or meaningful - like watching paint dry.

The Score: D-