JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Invaders From Mars Starring Karen Black, Hunter Carson, Timothy Bottoms, Laraine Newman Directed by Tobe Hooper Synopsis: Young David Gardner (Hunter Carson) loves anything to do with outer space, as his father George (Timothy Bottoms) works for NASA.  One night, David witnesses what he thinks is a UFO crash behind his house, and soon his dad and mom (Laraine Newman) begin acting strangely. Soon David discovers other people in the town acting weird, and each of them has an incision in the back of their necks.  He believes aliens have taken them over, and turns to school nurse Linda (Karen Black) for help.  At first she's skeptical, but sees it through her own eyes, and the two turn to the military for help before the Martians totally take over their town, and eventually the world. Review: A rip-roaring remake of the 1953 classic, "Invaders From Mars" is a classic, cheeky sci-fi horror comedy from the 80s, when  no one relied on stupid CGI effects but ...

Phantoms Starring Peter O'Toole, Joanna Going, Rose McGowan, Ben Affleck Directed by Joe Chappelle Summary: Jennifer (Joanna Going) decides to take her younger sister Lisa (Rose McGowan) to a small town in Colorado to get away from the big city.  When they arrive, they find the town mysteriously deserted, and then they discover the bodies.  With Sheriff Hammond (Ben Affleck), they try to make sense of what happened, and turn to paranormal writer Dr. Flyte (Peter O'Toole) to find out what exactly is going down in the small town. Review: Based on a novel by Dean Koontz, "Phantoms" is a slow-burn intelligent horror film which begins strong but unfortunately unravels in the third act.  The main premise of the film is finding out what is happening and why, which builds a great mystery, but the ultimate reason is contrived and illogical.  The acting was alright, and it's clear O'Toole really needed work to do this film, but they gave it their all.  It ...

The ABCs of Death "The ABCs of Death" is a twenty-six short film anthology from twenty-six horror directors, each of whom was given a particular letter of the alphabet and make a film out of it. To properly review this film, I'll take each small film as its own: A is for Apocalypse: A woman tries to kill her husband, but he doesn't die, while the world ends outside.  A great way to start.  A- B is for Bigfoot: Adults tell a child about a Mexican Bigfoot to get her to sleep, but it becomes all too real.  They don't call it Bigfoot so it's not technically "B".  C+ C is for Cycle: A man finds a mysterious hole in his backyard, which has a strange power.  Smart and stylish.  A D is for Dogfight: A man is involved in an underground fight club and goes against a dog that has a surprising history with him.  Graphic, but a great story told without words.  A E is for Exterminate: A man kills a spider that's been observing him, and he t...

All Cheerleaders Die Starring Caitlin Stasey, Sianoa Smit-McPhee, Brooke Butler, Tom Williamson Directed by Lucky McKee & Chris Sivertson Synopsis: After the tragic death of a cheerleader during practice, Maddy (Caitlin Stasey) takes her place, and at first she's repulsed by the cheerleaders but then starts to really become one of them, even falling for the new captain, Tracy (Brooke Butler), who is seeing Terry (Tom Williamson), the football captain with a shady past. When Terry's sins are brought to light, he leads a rampage against the cheerleaders, sending their car off the road and to their deaths.  Maddy's former love, and witch, Leena (Sianoa Smit-McPhee), rescues the girls and brings them back to life with her magic stones, but it has an adverse side effect in that the girls need to feed on human blood to sustain life. As they get revenge against the football players who caused their deaths, Terry learns their deadly secret and uncovers how to be...

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero Starring Sean Astin, Currie Graham, Ryan Donowho, Brando Eaton Directed by Kaare Andrews   Synopsis: In the Dominican Republic, the CDC has seized Porter (Sean Astin), the only survivor of an unknown viral outbreak.  He seems to have acquired an immunity to the disease, and is probed by the nefarious Dr. Edwards (Currie Graham) to try an find a cure. Meanwhile, a group of young adults land on the island for a secluded bachelor party, but they soon too become victims of the virus, and they go in search for a cure as well, meeting up with the CDC group and finding out the virus is something even more deadly than tehy imagined. Review: The first "Cabin Fever" was an amazing piece of horror cinema.  I still remember it even though I haven't seen it in years, especially the now classic leg shaving scene.  The second film came out a few years ago, and it was so bad all I remember is that it had something to do with a prom or somet...

Contracted Starring Najarra Townsend, Carolien Williams, Alice Macdonald, Katie Stegeman Directed by Eric England Synopsis: While attending a party, Samantha (Najarra Townsend) has a one-night stand with a mysterious stranger.  The next day she begins experiencing an odd sickness, and learns from her friend Alice (Alice Macdonald) that the guy she was with was being sought after by the police for a mysterious reason. Samantha fears what is happening to her, but is too afraid to go to the doctor.  Her mother (Caroline Williams) fears she's suicidal again, and she has a tumultuous relationship with her girlfriend Nikki (Katie Stegeman).  She worries Nikki will leave her, so she keeps it a secret.  As the days progress, the disease gets worse, and slowly Samantha learns that this is no ordinary STD. Review: There are certain movies out there where you really need to feel about the main characters.  To make them someone you want to root for, to see ...

Banshee Chapter Starring Katia Winter, Ted Levine, Michael McMillian, Jenny Gabrielle Directed by Blair Erickson Synopsis: The government has been dealing in some shady business in the 70s with a drug called MKUltra.  College student James (Michael McMillian) decides to take the drug to see the effects of it, and his friend videotapes the events, when James suddenly turns into a monster and the tape ends. Reporter Anne (Katia Winter) went to college with James and wants to find out what happened to him, so she goes undercover to visit reclusive author Thomas Blackburn (Ted Levine), who might know the origins of the drug.  As she delves deeper into the mystery, she finds that there's creatures from another dimension that can see ours, but only if they take the drug - and Anne has. Review: Conspiracy theories are something that's always fascinating.  We all know the government does things in secret that no one else knows, and MKUltra is something that the g...

Tammy Starring Melissa McCarthy, Susan Sarandon, Kathy Bates, Allison Janney Directed by Ben Falcone Synopsis: Tammy (Melissa McCarthy) is having a terrible day.  She hit a deer and her car broke down, she just got fired from a fast food restaurant, and she discovered her husband was cheating on her. She wants to leave but without a car and money she's stranded, until her alcoholic grandmother Pearl (Susan Sarandon) agrees to take her car, if she goes with her.  So the two women embark on a journey of self-discovery for the both of them, and through several hilarious twists and turns they learn that, even though their lives aren't what they wanted, they have the ability to turn it for the good. Review: Melissa McCarthy has been on a role lately, with huge hits such as "Identity Thief" and "The Heat."  It's because of this that she and her husband Ben Falcone were able to bring "Tammy" to life, a film that began in the mind of h...

Oculus Starring Karen Gillan, Brenton Thwaites, Katee Sackhoff, Rory Cochrane Directed by Mike Flanagan Synopsis: Alan Russell (Rory Cochrane), his wife Marie (Katee Sackhoff), and young children Kaylie (Annalise Basso) and Tim (Garrett Ryan) are the picture-perfect family - until their father brings an ancient mirror home.  Almost immediately terrifying events occur, including visions of a ghostly female.  Soon Russell and Marie begin acting irrationally, almost violently.  Kaylie and Tim find themselves in danger at the hands of their parents, and they hold the mirror responsible for the events that occur one fateful night. Twenty years later, a now grown up Kaylie (Karen Gillan) is taking care of Tim (Brenton Thwaites) after he is released from a psychiatric hospital after the events of that night.  She takes him back to their old house to confront the mirror one final time, and to videotape evidence that the mirror was responsible for the disintegra...

Hercules Starring Dwayne Johnson, Ian McShane, John Hurt, Rufus Sewell Directed by Brett Ratner Synopsis: Hercules (Dwayne Johnson), the demi-God from legend, might not be the man we're led to believe.  His nephew, Iolaus (Reece Ritchie), tells the heralding tales of his Uncle Hercules to their enemies in hopes of scaring them, and Hercules swings in and saves the day.  As a hired mercenary, Hercules and his band of warriors travel the land doing favors for money. When he comes upon a kingdom ravaged by war, he is enlisted by Lord Cotys (John Hurt) to save his kingdom from Rhesus (Tobias Santelmann), a warrior on the warpath.  However, all is not as it seems, and Hercules and his men find themselves in the middle of a war that's much bigger than they expected. Review: In seeing the previews, one would expect to see a Hercules who battles his famous twelve trials, which would've been amazing.  Unfortunately, the previews literally take place in the fi...

Secret Window Starring Johnny Depp, John Turturro, Maria Bello, Timothy Hutton Directed by David Koepp Synopsis: Mort Rainey (Johnny Depp) is a writer who is living in the middle of nowhere six months after finding his wife Amy (Maria Bello) in bed with another man.  As he struggles with facing divorce, he encounters something more dangerous.  A mysterious man named John Shooter (John Turturro) arrives unexpectedly, saying Mort stole a story of his, and he demands Mort write a better ending.  Mort doesn't believe the man, until he starts making his presence deadly.  Now Mort is on the hunt for what Shooter really wants, before he becomes the next victim. Review: Based off a short story by Stephen King, "Secret Window" is a classic noir-style thriller filled with hidden clues and subtle nuances that draws the viewer in from the start, pulling you into the mystery.  What is real?  What is imaginary?  How can you tell the difference?  Th...

The Quiet Ones Starring Jared Harris, Sam Claflin, Olivia Cooke, Erin Richards Directed by John Pogue Synopsis: In the 1970s, Professor Joseph Coupland (Jared Harris) wants to test his hypothesis that there is no such thing as the supernatural.  He brings along his students Krissi (Erin Richards) and Harry (Rory Fleck-Byrne), along with a fellow student and cameraman Brian (Sam Claflin) to document his theory.  The subject is Jane Harper (Olivia Cooke), a mental patient who has exhibited strange phenomena and talks to a being she calls "Evey." Brian begins developing feelings for Jane, and believes that the Professor's motives aren't as pure as he once said.  As he uncovers the truth behind "Evey," he finds a mysterious cult bent on bringing forth their demonic idol, and using Jane to make it happen. Review: Supposedly based on true events, "The Quiet Ones" lives up to its name - it's so quiet you fall asleep.  There's hardl...