JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Black Forest Starring Tinsel Korey, Dhaffer L'Abidine, Andy Clemence, Oliver James Directed by Patrick Dinhut Traveling through Germany after the death of his wife, Dr. Saxon (Dhaffer L'Abidine) is approached by the mysterious and eccentric Cazmar (Ben Cross), wanting to join him on an adventure in the Black Forest - the same place where the brothers Grimm wrote their fairy tales. Together with other tourists, Saxon agrees to the adventure, but what at first seemed like innocent fun soon turns dangerous as a baby is abducted, and the group discover themselves in a real life fairy tale.  With the help of the mysterious Karin (Tinsel Korey), the group works together to find the baby and get back to the real world, while battling some of history's most famous fairy tales. I saw this on Netflix so I figured I'd give it a shot.  The first title I saw read: "SyFy Presents"  And I almost gave up.  SyFy makes some amazing series, but when it comes t...

How I Live Now Starring Saoirse Ronan, George MacKay, Tom Holland, Harley Bird Directed by Kevin Macdonald Daisy (Saoirse Ronan) travels to England to visit her cousins in the midst of a possible third World War.  She doesn't care about anything or anyone, until she falls for her cousin Eddie (George MacKay), and the two begin a relationship.  She then begins to care about others, including her younger cousins Isaac (Tom Holland) and Piper (Harley Bird). All is beautiful and picturesque in the small village they live in, until a bomb goes off in London, and their home is taken over by the government.  The girls are separated from the boys, and Eddie tells Daisy to get back home.  Daisy and Piper are taken to a safe haven where they work in the fields, and Eddie and Isaac are sent to war. When their safe haven turns deadly, Daisy and Piper set off on a dangerous trek back to their country home, in hopes Eddie and Isaac are there waiting for them.  ...

Maniac Starring Elijah Wood, Nora Arnezeder, Genevieve Alexandra, Brian Ames Directed by Franck Khalfoun Frank (Elijah Wood) owns a store where he restores mannequins, but he has a deadly obsession: finding a woman just like his recently deceased mother, who was also a prostitute.  As he stalks women at night, he kills them and brings their hair back home and puts them on his personal mannequins in his room. One day he sees photographer Anna (Nora Arnezeder) taking pictures of his mannequins, and the two strike up a friendship, and Frank feels she might be the one for him.  However, those dreams are dashed when she reveals she has a boyfriend, and Frank begins stalking her like he did the other girls.  "Maniac" is an extremely dark film and an interesting turn for Elijah Wood to take coming from his "Lord of the Rings" fame.  His portrayal as a psychotic loner is fascinating, and he delivers an impeccable performance, shot almost entirely from his p...

Scenic Route Starring Josh Duhamel, Dan Fogler, Peter Goetz, Christie Burson Directed by Kevin Goetz and Michael Goetz Lifelong friends Mitchell (Josh Duhamel) and Carter (Dan Fogler) decide to go on a road trip to re-kindle their friendship, after Mitchell gets married, has a child and finds a lucrative job, and Carter becomes a down-and-out writer living in his car.  Immediately problems arise, as their car breaks down in the middle of the desert, but it's not as it seems.  Carter harbors deep-seeded animosity to Mitchell for in essence abandoning their friendship for his family, and Mitchell feels Carter hasn't done anything with his life and is just jealous of his success. As the friends bicker and argue more and more in the heat of the day and cold of night, the verbal sparring turns physical, and both friends are horribly beaten in both fashions. An adventure that was supposed to save their friendship soon turns into a fight for survival, not just agains...

Europa Report Starring Daniel Wu, Sharlto Copley, Anamaria Marinca, Michael Nyquist Directed by Sebastian Cordero In the near future, a team of astronauts take part in an unprecedented adventure to one of the moons of Jupiter called Europa, in search of possible water and life.  Their journey is dangerous but when they finally arrive on the moon they discover a lot more than they bargained for, something that will change the fate of humanity forever. In the guise of other great outer space films like "2001," "Moon" and "Gravity," "Europa Report" falls short of those greats, but it's still a fantastic, whimsical, and downright frightening and tense film.  The acting caliber is superb, the effects (for such a small budget) were great, and the story was compelling and drew you in from the first scene to the last, as you anticipate what the fate of these astronauts will be, and what mysteries they'd uncover. My Rating: A-

Darkroom Starring Kaylee DeFer, Elisabeth Rohm, Christian Campbell, Tobias Segal Directed by Britt Napier Michelle (Kaylee DeFer) is admitted to a psychiatric hospital after a deadly accident, and works at becoming a normal person again with the help of Dr. Rachel (Elisabeth Rohm).  Rachel gets Michelle a job at an old castle-like home, but Michelle soon discovers she's been lured into a deadly trap, where Rachel and her deranged brothers hold her and other girls captive and torture them in hopes of "getting the sin out of them" like their mother did for them.  Now Michelle has to find her own way out of this house of horrors before it's too late. The only light in this otherwise dark - heh, like the title - film is the cat-and-mouse game played by Michelle and her captors.  Other than that, the film is extremely boring and predictable, something you would find any night on Lifetime.  The characters are totally one-dimensional, and the heroine isn'...

Sweatshop Starring Ashley Kay, Melanie Donihoo, Peyton Wetzel, Danielle Jones Directed by Stacy Davidson A group of ravers break into a supposedly abandoned factory building to prepare for a big rave, but all the while they're being stalked by a deranged killer with a huge hammer and demonic henchwomen. "Sweatshop" isn't a great film by any means.  There's no great plot, no loveable characters you root for, and at points it seems like they spent most of their budget on cigarettes (seriously, each character smokes at least two of them throughout the film).  However, what the film does have going for it is the over-the-top 80s style gore and guts, something that every horror aficionado can appreciate. If you're looking for some intense backstory to the killer's motives, you won't find it here.  If you want to know how he has these demonic women doing his bidding, look another place.  There's no story to his origin or why he kills, h...

Vile Starring Eric Jay Beck, April Matson, Akeem Smith, Greg Cipes Directed by Taylor Sheridan After a weekend camping, four friends stop for gas and are approached by a woman who says her car broke down.  They give her a lift to her car, and she releases knockout gas in their car.  When they wake up, they find themselves in an abandoned house with 5 other people, and an older woman comes on the television, telling them they were selected to help humanity by releasing chemicals in their bodies that can only be done through pain, and once they received their designated amount, they would be set free.  So the group plan on torturing each other in the hopes that they'll go free once their captors get their desired chemicals, and go to great lengths to achieve this goal.  It's Oscar night, and Angelina Jolie comes forward to give out the biggest award of the night - Best Picture of the Year. "And the Oscar goes to," Angelina says as she opens the envelop...

Devil's Pass Starring Holly Goss, Matt Stokoe, Luke Albright, Ryan Hawley Directed by Renny Harlin Ever since she could remember, Holly (Holly Goss) has been intrigued by the mysterious Dyaltov Pass incident in the Ural Mountains, in which nine experienced adventurers died under mysterious circumstances in the late 50s.  With her filmmaker friend Jensen (Matt Stokoe), experienced hikers JP (Luke Albright) and Andy (Ryan Hawley), and audio tech Denise (Gemma Atkinson), they re-trace the steps made by the doomed hikers in hopes of discovering what really happened to them.  What they discover is far more terrifying than they could've imagined. At first I thought this was another cheap found footage film, but as the film progressed I found myself intrigued in the journey they were undertaking.  Of course I'm also a fan of mysterious real-life events, so drawing in the Dyaltov Pass incident into the story made it even more compelling than just a group of friends...

Haunter Starring Abigail Breslin, Stephen McHattie, David Hewlett, Michelle Nolden Directed by Vincenzo Natali Lisa (Abigail Breslin) is re-living the day before her birthday over and over again.  At first she is unsure why it's happening, or why her family doesn't realize it's occurring.  Then she realizes that she - and her family - are dead, but her family won't accept it.  She doesn't know how it happened until the arrival of the Pale Man (Stephen McHattie), who warns her to not investigate, or something even worse will happen to her. She ignores the warning and searches the house for clues as to how they died, and uncovers a centuries old secret the house possesses, and that she's not the first - and possibly not the last - victim of the evil that lives inside. Abigail Breslin is one of the few Hollywood actresses who, so far, has come out unscathed from the typical trappings of child stars.  From her Oscar-nominated role in "Little M...

Captain America: The Winter Soldier Starring Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Redford Directed by Anthony & Joe Russo Two years after the events in "The Avengers," Captain America (Chris Evans) is working with S.H.I.E.L.D. and Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), while a threat from within threatens humanity's existence, as well as a mysterious powerful enemy known only as The Winter Soldier. I wasn't a fan of the original "Captain America," and felt it was one of the weaker Marvel outings (besides the "Hulk" movies), but I had high hopes for this film.  Thankfully I wasn't disappointed, and I feel that it's the best Marvel outing of the "Phase Two" series of films after "The Avengers."  Directors Anthony and Joe Russo relied heavily on reality, leaving out as much CGI as they could to give the film an old fashioned action feel. They also brilliantly blended humor, drama, action and...

The Bell Witch Haunting Starring Laura Ramos, Cat Alter, Natalie Burtney, Drew Cash Directed by Glenn Miller A family moves to a new house in Tennessee, and almost immediately strange things begin to happen.  They learn that the house was built on the same ground that once belonged to the Bell family, who's well known for being haunted by an evil witch that might've caused one of the family members to die.  Now the witch is back and out for revenge. If it were possible, this is an even cheaper version of "Paranormal Activity."  Filmed entirely in the now annoying found footage style, this could've been any haunted house movie, but they decided to delve into the Bell witch legacy, and not even in a good way.  The real history is much more fascinating, and terrifying, than this low budget dreck.  The only scary scenes was when someone popped on the screen, and done so in a highly cheap manner. My Rating: D-