JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Burke & Hare Starring Simon Pegg, Andy Serkis, Tom Wilkinson, Isla Fisher Directed by John Landis In Scotland in the early 1800s,old friends William Burke (Simon Pegg) and William Hare (Andy Serkis) are trying to make a living, but failing at it miserably.  One day while removing a dead body from Hare's failing apartment, they discover that the medical society will pay richly for fresh cadavers, and so they work with Dr. Knox (Tom Wilkinson) by getting him fresh corpses. When the corpses dry up, they set out to make their own by committing murders against the town's seediest, loneliest and most destitute people.  As the money rakes in, Burke gets the courage to finance an all female Macbeth production featuring a girl he has a crush on, Ginny (Isla Fisher).  As the body count rises, however, the police investigate the multiple disappearances, and they close in on the bumbling duo, threatening to bring their dark crimes to light. Based on a true story ...

Ghost Story Starring Fred Astaire, Melvyn Douglas, Douglas Fairbanks Jr., John Houseman Directed by John Irvin Old friends Ricky (Fred Astaire),  John (Melvyn Douglas), Edward (Douglas Fairbanks Jr.) and Sears (John Houseman) formed a secret society known as the Chowder Society, and meet all the time to tell each other ghost stories, all the while harboring a real ghost story that they all share. When Edward's son David (Craig Wasson) dies under mysterious circumstances, he calls home David's twin brother Don (Craig Wasson) to the funeral and to help him with some assets.  As soon as Don arrives, the men's secret comes to light, as they're being hunted by the spirit of Eva Galli (Alice Krige), a woman they inadvertently killed fifty years ago.  As the spirit hunts the men down one-by-one, it's up to Ricky and Don to find the woman's body and put her to rest for good. Based on a novel in 1979, "Ghost Story" is, simply, a ghost story.  T...

Fast & Furious 6 Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Luke Evans Directed by Justin Lin After the events in Rio, Dom (Vin Diesel) and his gang are living the lives of luxury outside the United States, since they are still fugitives.  Brian (Paul Walker) becomes a father after Mia (Jordana Brewster) gives birth, and everyone else is enjoying the spoils they earned from Rio. One day Dom is visited by Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson), with a proposition: help him take down Special Forces solder Owen Shaw (Luke Evans).  At first Dom isn't interested, but Hobbs shows him a picture of Letty (Michelle Rodriguez), Dom's former flame, whom he thought was dead. Dom gathers the gang together and, with the promise of amnesty, agree to help Hobbs with the assignment.  They discover Letty is working for Shaw, and getting her back and stopping Shaw would be more difficult than they first imagined.  With some insane car chases, airplanes, and even a tank, the...

The Collection Starring Josh Stewart, Emma Fitzpatrick, Christopher McDonald, Lee Tegesen Directed by Marcus Dunstan There is a serial killer on the loose, but it doesn't stop Elena (Emma Fitzpatrick) and her friends from attending an underground party.  Unfortunately for her friends and everyone else at the party, it's crashed by the killer, known as The Collector (Randall Archer), who brutally murders everyone at the party, except for Elena, who leaves the dance floor before the carnage begins.  She goes to a room and finds a red box, and opens it to find Arkin (Josh Stewart), a man who was abducted by the Collector.  Together they try to flee, but Elena is taken by the Collector while Arkin manages to escape. Arkin is then visited in the hospital by Lucello (Lee Tergesen), who's been a protector of Elena since she was young, and was hired by her rich father (Christopher McDonald) to track her down and bring her home safely, and in doing so he needs Arki...

Saint Nick Starring Egbert Jan Weeber, Bert Luppes, Caro Lenssen, Huub Stapel Directed by Dick Maas In 1492, an evil Saint Nicholas terrorized a village, killing men, women and children with the aid of his minions.  The remaining townspeople decided to get their revenge by setting his boat on fire, killing him and all his henchmen in the process. In 1968, a family is horribly butchered by a zombie Saint Nick, and only one child survives. In present time, the child is now a police investigator who's obsessed with finding Saint Nick, so much so that the other cops on the force make fun of him for it, especially since it's December 5th, which, in Amsterdam, is Christmas.  But the laughs soon turn to chills when the zombie Saint Nick returns (since it's a full moon) and wreaks havoc in Amsterdam, leaving the cops clueless and the investigator on the hunt with a young man the police wrongfully accused of committing the crimes. There's been several Santa ...

Dog Soldiers Starring Sean Pertwee, Kevin McKidd, Emma Cleasby, Liam Cunningham Directed by Neil Marshall A team of British soldiers head to Scotland for a military exercise against a special forces army, but finds their enemies already dead and devoured by some evil force.  Only one man remains, and they take him captive, but they too come under attack from the flesh-eating creatures.  A local woman picks them up and takes them to an isolated home, where they hunker down against an army of werewolves whose only desires are to hunt and eat. I've seen this film on several lists online of the best horror films ever made.  I could never understand this, because seeing the previews it looked tame, boring, and almost laughable.  Plus werewolf movies are hardly done right, with very rare exceptions ("An American Werewolf in London," the first "Howling").  So maybe it was my skepticism going into the film, but I actually quite enjoyed it.  I loved...

The Impossible Starring Naomi Watts, Ewan McGregor, Tom Holland, Samuel Joslin Directed by Juan Antonio Bayona While vacationing in Thailand,  Maria (Naomi Watts), her husband Henry (Ewan McGregor), and their three young sons Lucas (Tom Holland), Thomas (Samuel Joslin) and Simon (Oaklee Pendergast) fall victim to the horrible tsunami that destroyed countless lives the day after Christmas in 2004.  Maria and Lucas are separated from the others, and think them dead.  Maria is badly injured and with the help of her young son make it to a village of Taiwanese villagers who help Maria with her wounds before taking her to a local hospital, where she endures surgeries and internal bleeding. Meanwhile, Henry and the two youngest children are holding up at what's left of the hotel when people come to take them to a hospital.  Henry sends the children away while he goes in search of Maria and Lucas, hoping against all hope that they're still alive. "The Impo...

Star Trek Into Darkness Starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Benedict Cumberbatch, Zoe Saldana Directed by J.J. Abrams Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) and the crew of the Starship Enterprise embark on a journey of revenge.  After a rogue Starfleet member John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch) attacks a general assembly, Kirk is sent to kill him with new photon torpedoes by Admiral Alexander Marcus (Peter Weller).  They fly to the Klingon world of Kronos, where Harrison is hiding out.  Instead of carrying out the order, due to the persuasive nature of Spok (Zachary Quinto), Kirk decides to go to Kronos to apprehend Harrison alive. Taking Harrison captive on the Enterprise, the crew learns that there's more to the story than a simple attack, and the true nature of Harrison, his true identity, and purpose.  This is only the second "Star Trek" move I've ever seen (the first one obviously being the reboot in 2009), and I found the film to be one of the best actio...

Texas Chainsaw Starring Alexandra Daddairo, Trey Songz, Tania Raymonde, Keram Malicki-Sanchez Directed by John Luessenhop Taking place immediately following the events from the original film, a gang of locals converge on the home of the Sawyers after Sally (Marilyn Burns) escapes the family from hell, featuring their mentally challenged son who wears peoples' faces for masks and brandishes a chainsaw.  The police try to stop the vigilantes, but they succeed in killing the entire family and burning the house down.  The only survivor (that they know of) is a baby girl, who is taken in by a couple who is a part of the mob. Years later, Heather Miller (Alexandra Daddario) receives a letter saying her grandmother had died, but she had never met nor knew of her.  She travels with her boyfriend Ryan (Trey Songz), her best friend Nikki (Tania Raymonde), and Nikki's new boyfriend Kenny (Keram Malicki-Sanchez) to Texas to find out who she really belongs to, and along...

War of the Dead Starring Andrew Tiernan, Jouko Ahola, Samuel Vauramo, Mikko Leppilampi Directed by Marko Makilaakso In 1941 during World War II, a small contingent army of American soldiers are working with the Finnish to infiltrate a secret Russian bunker and destroy it.  After a skirmish they find themselves being hunted by the soldiers they had just recently killed, and only a few survive.  As they make their way to the bunker, they learn what is chasing them, and where they came from. To say this movie was a hot mess would be an understatement.  The lighting was absolutely horrible throughout, you could hardly see anything going on.  The "zombies" as you would call them were highly intelligent and could run, jump, climb and think.  They seemed to be more like the vampires from "30 Days of Night" than a Romero zombie.  The acting was alright, but that's the only near positive thing I can say about the film.  The confusion is aston...

Cold Prey II Starring Ingrid Berdal, Martha Snorresdotter Rovik, Kim Wifladt, Johanna Morck Directed by Mats Stenberg After killing the mountain man who murdered her four friends, Jannicke (Ingrid Berdal) is picked up on the side of the road and taken to a local hospital, under the care of nurse Camilla (Marthe Snorresdotter Rovik).  She is interviewed by police and they locate the bodies of the killer and her friends and brings them all back to the hospital, where they discover that the killer shows signs of life, so they revive him and handcuff him to the bed. The killer breaks free and begins a killing spree in the hospital, taking out cops, nurses and doctors as he sets a path to get his revenge on Jannicke, but she's not going down without a fight, and with the help of Camilla takes on the killer she thought was already dead. The Norwegians can sure make a great horror film.  The first "Cold Prey" was an amazing piece of horror cinema, with well-done c...

The Tortured Starring Erika Christensen, Jesse Metcalf, Bill Moseley, Bill Lippincott Directed by Robert Lieberman Elise (Erika Christensen) and Craig's (Jesse Metcalf) five year old son gets abducted from their front yard by serial killer John Kozlowski (Bill Moseley).  The child is eventually killed and Kozlowski is sentenced to 25 years to life in prison. This doesn't sit well with the couple, who wish to see the man dead, so they hatch a plan to kidnap him and take him to an abandoned cabin deep in the woods, and extract their own brand of justice - with extreme pain and torture. It all leads up to a "shocking twist" that seems more added on than anything, and leaves the ending with a ton of plot holes and stuff that makes no sense. The concept of the film is an intriguing one, basically because it's something that could happen in real life.  Unfortunately, children all the time are abducted and killed, and I feel that in that sense the film...

Silver Linings Playbook Starring Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Robert Di Niro, Jaci Weaver Directed by David O. Russell Eight months after finding his wife with another man, Pat (Bradley Cooper) is released from a mental institution for his bipolar disorder, and returns to his hometown in Philadelphia to live with his mother Dolores (Jaci Weaver) and father Pat Sr. (Robert De Niro).  Pat's wife now has a restraining order on him, but he feels like he can get back together with her, even though he deals constantly with his bipolar disorder.  Mental illness runs in the family, as Pat Sr. suffers from OCD, and is a chronic gambler, often gambling on the Eagles which jeopardizes his family's finances. He goes to his friend's house for dinner, and meets Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence), who has troubles of her own - her husband died, and she hides the pain with sexual addiction and relative negativity.  The two become friends after Pat discovers Tiffany can give...

Iron Man 3 Starring Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce Directed by Shane Black Some time after his adventure in New York with the Avengers, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is suffering from anxiety and can't sleep, but instead spends his time working his technology in creating different Iron Man suits, to the chagrin of his love, Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow).  Meanwhile, a man Stark blew off years ago, Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce) is back with technology that allows amputated body parts to be re-grown, and he has a score to settle with Stark. On top of that, a maniacal terrorist known as The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) is threatening the United States, claiming more attacks will come, especially on the President (William Sadler).  To protect the President, the government calls on the Iron Patriot (Don Cheadle) - who used to be War Machine - to track down the Mandarin. When a close friend of Tony's ends up in the line of fire, Stark goes o...