Retribution

Retribution
Starring Liam Neeson, Lilly Aspell, Jack Champion, Embeth Davidtz
Directed by Nimrod Antal

Everybody remembers that 1994 classic action film "Speed" about a bus that's rigged to explode if it goes under fifty miles an hour, starring Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, and Dennis Hopper. The film was a massive hit filled with pulse-pounding action, witty and intelligent dialogue, and led by two charismatic A-list actors at the top of their game. Now jump to 2023, and now there's "Retribution" - which is basically the Big Mac version of the filet mignon that is "Speed." It's the "Speed" that you have at home. It's Liam Neeson doing his thing when it's obvious that even Liam Neeson doesn't want to be doing his thing anymore. It's an hour and a half drudge through tired tropes and even more tired acting that is dotted with a few exciting moments, but those are few and very far between that culminates in one of the most nonsensical, stupid, idiotic, and downright insulting conclusions in any movie I've seen in awhile.

Matt Turner (Liam Neeson) is a mild-mannered financier who is prodded by his wife (Embeth Davidtz) to take his daughter (Lilly Aspell) and son (Jack Champion) to school on his way to work. Yet unbeknownst to him as soon as he gets into his car he starts a bomb that's pressure activated to his seat, and when a disguised caller threatens that the car will explode if he gets out, he gets into a race against the clock to find a way to keep him and his children safe.


The Good:
Liam Neeson's gritty voice is nice.

There's numerous unintentionally comedic moments in the film. Such as the fact that the kids learn that there's the bomb in the car, but they're more concerned with the fact that their parents might get divorced instead of worrying about having their bits strewn all around the road.

The bad guy's voice distortion sounds a lot like Jigsaw's in the "Saw" franchise, so much so when I first heard its voice I whispered to my friend, "I want to play a game."


The Bad:
Everything else.

The script is silly and stupid, and reminds me of something you'd see back in the 90s on basic cable on a Saturday afternoon. The motive is downright idiotic, and the killer is as brainless as they come - they even give the traditional bad guy monologue at the end which, if you've seen "The Incredibles," you know you should never do.

Speaking of the villain, there's moments in the final minutes that made me wonder if they was actually mentally incompetent to stand trial, because their actions at the end tend to point to the fact that they indeed had no brain.

Liam Neeson looks tired, and not just because of his character. Having been typecast into this type of role since 2008's "Taken," he's appeared in a slew of these low-budget vengeance movies that I can make into one long title: "The Unknown Commuter, Marksman, Non-Stop Ice Road Honest Thief in Cold Pursuit of The Next Three Days as A Walk Among the Tombstones goes Blacklight in a Run All Night Memory." Here he literally baits his tormentor to blow him up, and I think that's not in the script - that's Neeson wanting out of this perpetual motion machine of lame action films.

The children don't fare any better, as the daughter is more concerned about a divorce than actually getting blown to bits, and when she's struck by shrapnel she acts like she got shot through the heart (and you're to blame) and acts like she's gonna expire at any moment. The teenage son (surprisingly played by Jack Champion, who's short filmography includes both "Avatar: The Way of Water" and "Scream VI") cares more about his girlfriend and his phone than probable certain death. Teenage angst I suppose, but I figured if I was in their shoes I'd be more concerned about going "boom."

Did I mention the villain is idiotic? This is no Dennis Hopper that's for sure. He tells Tom to not stop, and Tom stops on multiple occasions. He tells Tom not to hang up on him, and he hangs up like a telemarketer calls during dinner. He leads Tom across the city as cars explode like fireworks on the Fourth of July, making it seem like Tom is causing them, when even a cut-rate detective would know the truth. Nothing about this plan makes sense, and the villain is stupid for coming up with it in the first place.


The Verdict:
If given an option to re-watch "Retribution" or be stuck in a car with a bomb under my seat that'd go off if I got out, I'd take a gamble with the bomb in the car than watching this excruciatingly painful movie again.


The Score: D-