JoeMama's Movie Reviews

 Worst2First: My Most Anticipated Films of Fall 2023 The months of September, October and November are filled with films that run the gambit: there's Oscar-bait films, horror (since Halloween is soon approaching), as well as sequels and continuations of long-running franchises, and 2023 doesn't appear to be any different.  Due to the strike, however, a few major films ("Poor Things" and, especially, "Dune Part 2") have been moved, and possibly others might follow - but for now here are the ten films I'm most excited to see in the fall months of 2023... **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** **DUE TO THE STRIKE, DATES ARE SUBJECT (AND MAYBE LIKELY) TO CHANGE** #10 A Haunting in Venice September 15 Agatha Christie was the foremost mystery novelists of all time, creating the legendary detective Hercule Poirot, who's been immortalized not just in her novels but numerous films as well. Recently Kenneth Branagh has taken the role of the mustache twirling detectiv...

Retribution Starring Liam Neeson, Lilly Aspell, Jack Champion, Embeth Davidtz Directed by Nimrod Antal Everybody remembers that 1994 classic action film "Speed" about a bus that's rigged to explode if it goes under fifty miles an hour, starring Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, and Dennis Hopper. The film was a massive hit filled with pulse-pounding action, witty and intelligent dialogue, and led by two charismatic A-list actors at the top of their game. Now jump to 2023, and now there's "Retribution" - which is basically the Big Mac version of the filet mignon that is "Speed." It's the "Speed" that you have at home. It's Liam Neeson doing his thing when it's obvious that even Liam Neeson doesn't want to be doing his thing anymore. It's an hour and a half drudge through tired tropes and even more tired acting that is dotted with a few exciting moments, but those are few and very far between that culminates in one of the mo...

Strays Starring Will Ferrell, Jamie Foxx, Isla Fisher, Randall Park Directed by Josh Greenbaum Comedy, apart from any other genre, is a truly subjective genre - at least in my opinion. What one person thinks is laugh-out-loud funny another person would be in excruciating mental anguish wishing for their personal hell to end. When it comes to the comedy of Will Ferrell, that pretty much sums up my thoughts: I just want his shtick to end. He once was hilarious in films like "Talladega Nights," "Anchorman," "Old School," and the like, but his generic acting style of playing the innocently upbeat person has grown stale for me. He plays the same aloof goof film after film, and the only consolation I have with "Strays" is that I don't have to see him on screen, just hear his voice through the mouth of a lovable Border Terrier. Reggie (Will Ferrell) is a gullible Border Terrier who loves life and, more importantly, loves his owner Doug (Will Forte),...

Blue Beetle Starring Xolo Mariduena, Bruna Marquezine, Susan Sarandon, George Lopez Directed by Angel Manuel Soto Saying people are going through superhero fatigue is a fatigue in itself. Everyone knows by now that the superhero subgenre is taking massive hits with huge flops like "The Flash" and "Ant Man & the Wasp: Quantumania," and it's not because they're technically superhero movies - look no further than recent successes like "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3" and "Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse." What audiences are tired of is the same tried and true formula that most of these films follow, especially when it comes to origin stories. We've seen them all before, and they hardly deviate from their trajectory. A (usually) nobody comes across some relic, artifact, insect, or weapon, and soon they showcase superhuman abilities. They try to understand what their power is and how to use it for good. A generic bad guy arrives th...

The Last Voyage of the Demeter Starring Corey Hawkins, Aisling Franciosi, Liam Cunningham, David Dastmalchian Directed by Andre Ovredal What does Dracula and Universal have in common? They refuse to die. Ever since 1931's "Dracula," the company has brought the iconic undead villain out of his coffin every so often to scare up audiences to the cinema. The great Christopher Lee epitomized the contemporary version of Dracula in his numerous films, as well as the legendary Bela Lugosi, but the 1931 film isn't technically the first time we see him. Dracula is known by many names, and one of them is Nosferatu, and this version appeared in the silent era of cinema in 1929, and who's effects still hold relatively sound nearly a hundred years later. This Dracula - Nosferatu - isn't the charming, alluring, attractive Dracula, but rather a creature unyielding, a monster that you'd never want to see hovering over your bed at night. This version of Dracula is what'...

The Miracle Club Starring Laura Linney, Kathy Bates, Maggie Smith, Agnes O'Casey Directed by Thaddeus O'Sullivan There's two places that feature pilgrimages by Catholics all over the world due to the miraculous appearances of the Virgin Mary, and that's Fatima in Portugal and Lourdes in France. Both places claim to exhibit healing abilities and the devout gather at both places in hopes of seeing their own miracle. Sadly it doesn't happen for everyone, and it all seemingly comes down to a matter of faith. Still, given a slight chance to fix something wrong with you, won't you go to any lengths necessary? What if the miracle you're looking for isn't the miracle you need? For four women that's the question as they embark on a journey to Lourdes and in the process find their own little miracles along the way. In a small Irish town in 1967, friends Eileen Dunne (Kathy Bates), Lily Fox (Maggie Smith), and Dolly (Agnes O'Casey) enter a talent competitio...

Meg 2: The Trench Starring Jason Statham, Wu Jing, Shya Sophia Cai, Cliff Curtis Directed by Ben Wheatley Shark movies have a history of either being cinematic masterpieces or films designed to appeal to the b-rated action soul in all of us. Not every movie can be "Jaws," but thankfully they can't all be "Sharknado" either. "The Meg" was one of those shark films that fell somewhere in the middle, teetering between taking itself too seriously and having some fun with it. While it worked in a sense, the long-gestating "Meg 2: The Trench" teetered off the edge of melodrama, taking itself so seriously for the first two thirds of its bloated runtime that by the time we get to what is supposed to be enjoyable camp, it's just an exercise in futility. Not even the actors seem to want to be there, and neither does the audience. Years after saving everyone from a killer Megalodon, Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) is now an environmental freedom fighter...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem Starring Nicholas Cantu, Brady Noon, Shamon Brown Jr., Micah Abbey Directed by Jeff Rowe Being a kid from the 80s, there were three toy franchises that I pined for and, being an only child, got. That's "G.I. Joe," "Transformers," and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." All three shaped my childhood and having seen how other adults have - for all intents and purposes - butchered my beloved childhood properties, I was rightfully skeptical of another "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie, especially after seeing the trailer. While the animation looks amazing, it resembles a knock-off of the successful and impactful "Spider-Verse" movies. Maybe it was my already low expectations, but I enjoyed "Mutant Mayhem" enough to not totally give up on this budding new franchise, but also didn't enjoy it enough to be something I'm pining to see again anytime soon. When Baxter Stockman (Gianc...

Gran Turismo Starring Archie Madekwe, David Harbour, Orlando Bloom, Djimon Hounsou Directed by Neill Blomkamp When I first heard about the "Gran Turismo" movie I didn't think it was real. Based on a true story, the film follows gamer Jann Mardenborough as he participates in a contest hosted by Nissan to actually drive a race car and race. Yet the story is entirely true. It's like getting an invite by Gordon Ramsay to cook at his prestigious restaurant because you excelled at Cooking Mama. Or performing open heart surgery because you rule Operation. The idea is outlandish, but it happened - and not just that, but it birthed a new racer who continues to race today, and under the direction of Neill Blomkamp, manages to elevate this video game film to something better than its predecessors. Jann Mardenborough (Archie Madekwe) is an expert at Gran Turismo, and he plays it constantly, to the chagrin of his father Steve (Djimon Hounsou), who feels it's a waste of time an...

Haunted Mansion Starring LaKeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Rosario Dawson Directed by Justin Simien They say people who are going through intense trauma and grief are more susceptible to spirits from the other side, who feed on their negative energy. Maybe that's why "Haunted Mansion" has been resurrected from its 2003 predecessor that met an untimely death at the box office and has gone on to infamy as one of the worst films of the 2000s. While this iteration won't receive such horrible accolades, it might get something worse: a film that's so safe it's forgettable, and something no one will be talking about in the minutes, hours, days, months, and years to come, relegating it to a lone grave growing moss in the middle of cinematic nowhere. Gabbie (Rosario Dawson) and her young son Travis (Chase W. Dillon) have just moved into a mansion in Louisiana, and the first night they're haunted by several spirits at midnight. Even though they flee, ...