Imagine Me & You

Imagine Me & You

Starring Piper Perabo, Lena Headey, Matthew Goode, Darren Boyd

Directed by Ol Parker

If it wasn't for the lesbian theme in "Imagine Me & You," this would be one of those films you'd find on the Hallmark Channel (although I've heard they're branching out and including gay and lesbian love stories in the near future, but we'll see) - a film so sickingly sweet, so innocent in its indiscretions, so vanilla it might as well be an ice cream cone that you can't help but fall in love with all the characters involved, at least that's what was supposed to happen.  Instead it turned into a meandering tale of mediocrity, where every character is sympathetic, nice, and wholesome, and culminates in a totally unsurprising conclusion.

Rachel (Piper Perabo) and Heck (Matthew Goode - seriously, his name is Heck...well, short for Hector, but everyone calls him Heck) have been lovebirds for years, and finally decide to tie the knot.  On their wedding night Rachel meets Luce (Lena Headey), who owns a flower shop, and immediately there's a spark between them - at least that's what the story tells.  Rachel tries to hide her feelings by setting Luce up with Heck's friend Coop (Darren Boyd), but the more time she spends with Luce the more she falls in love with her.  Luce doesn't want to interfere in a new marriage, but she develops feelings for Rachel as well, and both women try to suppress their urges.

"Imagine Me & You" adheres to every romantic comedy trope and never deviates from its obvious conclusion in such a tiresome, boring way that you won't remember it minutes after it ends.  It's highly simplistic, overly sympathetic and downright dull in every sense of the word.  The characters are so blandly written that there's no conflict or turmoil, as everyone seems willing to accept whatever happens to them with merely a blink of an eye.  Maybe it's because its a British romantic comedy, but the raunchiness is nonexistent, and if it took out some of the random, unnecessary F-bombs, it would've easily been a PG film instead of R. 

Piper Perabo plays Rachel with such flat emotion that sometimes you don't know if she's struggling with her newfound sexuality (which developed out of nowhere) or deciding what to eat for dinner - and her terrible British accent doesn't do her any favors.  Matthew Goode plays the ever-loving husband who's pretty much oblivious to everything until he's not, and even then it seems like a mere inconvenience to him.  Lena Headey's Luce does stray away from the typical lesbian trope of doing everything she can to break up a marriage, but goes to the other extreme in order to maintain some sense of nobility.  Even Darren Boyd's Coop is lovable in his womanizing way.  There's no real bad guy here, and no real tension that develops. 

The story itself exists for the sake of making a movie, and doesn't begin organically.  We're supposed to believe that Rachel - who never had a lesbian feeling in her entire life - suddenly turns after seeing Luce for the first time?  Yes, there's love at first sight, but this just doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  Even then it's incredibly painful to see the two try to tiptoe through their emotions with traditional nearly-caught moments and innuendos that literally scream "YES WE'RE TOGETHER BUT WE DON'T WANNA BE OR DO WE?"  It's maddeningly frustrating.  Basically that sums up the movie best: maddeningly frustrating. 

Including more F-bombs in order to avoid a Hallmark stereotype, "Imagine Me & You" is a maddeningly frustrating film with no real conflict, suspense, or drama, but rather one that relies on old romantic comedy tropes under the guise of lesbianism. 

The Score: D-