JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Major Theatrical Releases March 2020 **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** **DATES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE** The Way Back March 6 Looking to see how many classic Oscar-bait tropes they can get into one film, "The Way Back" finds Ben Affleck playing Jack Cunningham, a man haunted by his past (one) who's become an alcoholic (two) and finds his life spiraling out of control (three) until he's chosen to coach his alma mater's basketball team, a team that hasn't won a championship since he played (four) as he attempts to unite the team, make them great, and find redemption for himself (five).  All that said, this still looks like a decent film from the director of Affleck's other stellar work, "The Accountant." Onward March 6 Pixar will once again hit gold with their brilliant blend of modern and mythology with "Onward," a story about two elf brothers who go on a quest to bring their father back to life (...

Worst2First:  My Most Anticipated Films of Spring 2020 As Spring arrives, there's a few good films out there to see in the theater before the highly anticipated summer season, and here are the ten I'm most excited for that will be released this March and April. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** **DATES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE** #10  I Still Believe March 20 The musician biopic subgenre has been taking off in recent years, and the Christian world has latched onto this as well with the release of "I Can Only Imagine" two years ago - a film I was initially wary of but ended up loving due to its actual story and not being heavy-handed in its faith.  "I Still Believe" will hopefully continue that with the true life story of Christian singer Jeremy Camp, whose first love and wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and the struggles and joys the two went through.  Camp's story is downright inspirational in its own right, and I feel w...

Red Dawn Starring Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson Directed by John Milus Back when the Soviet Union was still a thing, there was fears of a Cold War between them and the United States, a fear that only escalated in the 80s.  It's during this time "Red Dawn" came out, which is obviously no coincidence as it centers on a gang of teenagers who must defend their small town from an invasion by the Soviets, along with their allies the Cubans and Nicaraguans, and while the film itself has gone down in history, it doesn't particularly hold true to the test of time. It's an ordinary October day in the small town of Calumet, Colorado, until Soviet paratroopers fly down and begin firing at the school.  A bunch of students including Matt Eckert (Charlie Sheen), Robert Morris (C. Thomas Howell), Daryl Bates (Darren Dalton), Danny (Brad Savage), and Arturo (Doug Toby) manage to escape thanks to Matt's older brother Jed (Patrick Sw...

Brahms: The Boy II Starring Katie Holmes, Owain Yeoman, Christopher Convery, Ralph Ineson Directed by William Brent Bell As I mind-numbly sat through this snoozefest of a supposed horror film, my mind began to wander as I thought of the ultimate pint-sized match-up:  Chuck & Tiffany from "Child's Play" versus Annabelle from "Annabelle" versus the puppets from the "Puppet Master" series and then just for the sake of comedy throw in Brahms from "The Boy" - because in all honesty if there was ever such a movie Brahms would be disposed of early on, because he's as scary and terrifying as a newborn puppy and just as violent. So how do you make a sequel no one asked for from a subpar original years after the expiration date, and somehow manage to make it even worse and less memorable?  How do you do a haunted mansion story where there's no haunting, a violent movie with no violence, and most importantly a thriller with no t...

The Photograph Starring Issa Rae, Lakeith Stanfield, Chante Adams, Rob Morgan Directed by Stella Meghie There was a time where calling yourself a photographer had some real in-depth meaning (I'm sure it still does, but it seems overshadowed by the millions of "wannabes" out there now) due to the intense patience, talent, and artful eye you had to take a moment in time and etch it into memory for eternity.  Nowadays anyone with a cell phone calls themselves a photographer, but they're nothing compared to the likes of Ansel Adams or Robert Capa, even if some of their pictures are decent.  In a fictional world turned real, you could say that most "photographers" today can't be compared to Christina Eames either, as she sets the stage for what's to come in the generational-telling film "The Photograph." In Louisiana in the 80s, young Christina (Chante Adams) doesn't have much of a direction, at least according to her mother.  S...

The Call of the Wild Starring Harrison Ford, Dan Stevens, Omar Sy, Cara Gee Directed by Chris Sanders If there's a beloved story that was written over a hundred years ago, you can fully expect it to receive the Hollywood film treatment - sometimes several times over.  Jack London's beloved novella "The Call of the Wild" has been done and re-done for the big screen, and the most recent iteration finds itself set apart from most, but not for the right reasons. Buck - a domesticated St. Bernard/Scottish Collie mix - is living in the lap of luxury in Santa Clara, whose owner is a wealthy judge (Bradley Whitford), and who has no self-control when it comes to anything, which is what leads him to be put outside for the night.  It's during that night he's abducted and sold to freight haulers heading to the Yukon to sell dogs to prospectors who are searching for gold in the unforgiving winter wilderness, and Buck is sold to mail carriers Perrault (Omar Sy)...

Downhill Starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Will Ferrell, Miranda Otto, Zach Woods Directed by Nat Faxon & Jim Rash  Sometimes Hollywood can take a great foreign film and create an Americanized version that actually works really well - "Let Me In" (from "Let the Right One In"), "The Ring" (from "Ringu"), and "The Departed" (from "Infernal Affairs") come to mind.  Yet more times than not, they fail to capture the essence and true meaning of the foreign film, and "Downhill" is one of those casualties that lives up to its title: it all goes down from the very beginning. While on a Swiss ski vacation to get over the death of his father eight months ago, Pete Staunton (Will Ferrell), his wife Billie (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and their two young sons embark on what they think will be a fun-filled week on the beautiful Alps slopes and some decent family time, but even at the start you sense there's something not ...

In Defense of "Parasite" Winning Best Picture In the 92 years of the Academy Awards, only twelve foreign language films have been nominated for Best Picture - "Grand Illusion" (1938), "Z" (1969), "The Emigrants" (1972), "Cries and Whispers" (1973), "The Postman (Il Postino)" (1995), "Life is Beautiful" (1998), "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" (2000), "Letters From Iwo Jima" (2006), "Babel" (2006), "Amour" (2012), "Roma" (2018), and "Parasite" (2019).  While "Letters From Iwo Jima" and "Babel" were American-made foreign films, all the others originated from countries outside the US, but none have ever won the coveted Best Picture statue - until "Parasite," making history by becoming the first foreign film to win Best Picture. Hailing from South Korea, the film is a critical and commercial success, a movie that masterfully ...

Sonic the Hedgehog Starring Ben Schwartz, James Marsden, Jim Carrey, Tika Sumpter Directed by Jeff Fowler The "movie-based-on-video-game" subgenre has a negative track record to say the least - it's almost impossible to make a video game movie good, due to the different natures of the two entities.  Movies like "Super Mario Bros.," "Street Fighter," and "Doom" have proven the case that video game movies don't really do well, so in 2018 when it was announced there would be a video game movie based on Sega's flagship character Sonic the Hedgehog, it was of course met with skepticism - especially when it was revealed Jim Carrey would be playing the villainous Dr. Robotnik, as he didn't really convey the robust nature of the villain. Then the first trailer came out in 2019, and everyone hated it: Sonic's appearance was labeled the stuff of nightmares, a terribly-rendered CGI mess that tried to be more realistic but tu...

Miss Congeniality Starring Sandra Bullock, Michael Caine, Benjamin Bratt, Candice Bergen Directed by Donald Petrie Sandra Bullock is one of Hollywood's most versatile, sought-after leading ladies, and she really exploded in the 90s with films like "Speed," "Demolition Man," "While You Were Sleeping," and "Practical Magic," and she entered the oughts with "Miss Congenality," a film that would've fallen apart with a different actress, but in Bullock's highly capable hands became something more than what it would've been otherwise. Bullock stars as FBI Agent Grace Hart, a no-nonsense woman who has no fashion sense or even acts like a lady, and she's fine with that.  When a case arises of a terrorist planning an attack at the Miss United States pageant, she's assigned to go undercover at the behest of her friend Agent Eric Matthews (Benjamin Bratt), and she's totally out of her element.  Famed fashio...

My Bloody Valentine Starring Paul Kelman, Lori Hallier, Neil Affleck, Don Francks Directed by George Mihalka The late 70s brought to life the slasher genre with revolutionary films like "Black Christmas" and "Halloween," and also introduced the concept of "holiday horror" - horror movies centered around holidays.  The 80s brought a slew of these holiday horrors, including 1981's "My Bloody Valentine," which seems to be just another generic slasher centering around Valentine's Day, but something about it has endeared horror fans all these years later, and even famed director Quentin Tarantino lists it as his favorite slasher film of all time, and was even "worthy" enough for a modern-day remake. The film centers on the small mining town of (aptly named) Valentine Bluffs, where the majority of the residents work in the local mine.  Twenty years ago there was an accident and four men died, but one managed to survive ...