JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Films Based From Novels When I was younger, I was quite the bookworm.  I loved the Book It! program with Pizza Hut, I enjoyed a lot of pizza growing up.  However, as I got older and the magic of the cinema enchanted me, I found myself reading less and less and watching films more and more. For centuries, films have been made off the most beloved novels in history, because they have an important story to tell, and it's a great way for those who don't read to see the novel put to life - even if it's mostly not as true to the novel as they should. So here are my personal top ten films based from novels, worst2first... **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 Fight Club (Based off the novel "Fight Club" by Chuck Palahniuk) Starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton and Helena Bonham Carter, "Fight Club" centers around the unnamed narrator (played by Norton) as he lives a humdrum life, until he meets an eccentric soap sa...

The Lego Ninjago Movie Starring Dave Franco, Jackie Chan, Justin Theroux, Michael Pena Directed by Charlie Bean, Paul Fisher & Bob Logan The Story: In the world of Ninjago, the evil Lord Garmadon (Justin Theroux) continually tries to overthrow the town and claim it as his own, but is constantly stopped by the Secret Ninja Force, led by the Green Nina, Lloyd (Dave Franco), who secretly is also Garmadon's estranged son.  He leads a ninja team that each possess a different element: Kai (Michael Pena) is the red Ninja of fire, Jay (Kumail Nanjiami) is the blue Nina of lightning, Nya (Abbi Jacobson) is the silver Ninja of water, Zane (Zach Woods) is the white Ninja of ice, and Cole (Fred Armisen) is the black Ninja of earth.  They're trained by Lloyd's uncle (and Garmadon's brother) Master Wu (Jackie Chan). When Garmadon returns to Ninjago with an even more powerful weapon, Lloyd foolishly tries to stop him but instead allows his personal emotions to get in...

Kingsman: The Golden Circle Starring Taron Egerton, Colin Firth, Julianne Moore, Mark Strong Directed by Matthew Vaughn The Story: Now a full-fledged Kingsman, Eggsy (Taron Egerton) is now in a relationship with a Swedish Princess, and works closely with Merlin (Mark Strong), who is the Kingsman's expert tech support man.  When an old enemy resurfaces, it brings about the destruction of the Kingsman, destroying their home base as well as the tailor shop they operated out of.  Eggy and Merlin go on a search for the culprit, and relies on the United States version of Kingsman - the Statesman - to assist. The Statesman is run by an alcohol brewing company led by Champagne (Jeff Bridges), and gives the Kingsman his best men: Tequila (Channing Tatum) and Whiskey (Pedro Pascal), to find the evil drug lord Poppy Adams (Julianne Moore), who ordered the hit on the Kingsman and hatched a plan to legalize all drugs in the world after unleashing a tainted drug on the market.....

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Crime Films Despite the saying, crime really does pay - at least when it comes to film.  From the original "Scarface" in 1932, crime has been portrayed on the silver screen with differing levels of success, but there's those truly great crime films that draw you in from the start and often than not leaves you rooting for the bad guy. Here are my personal top ten favorite crime films, worst2first... **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 Snatch Before he remade "Sherlock Holmes" and the Arthurian legend, Guy Ritchie was directing some excellent crime/comedy films that were fast paced, intelligent, and done with a unique directing style all his own.  "Snatch" is one of his best works, brilliantly blending two stories - one involving a stolen diamond and another dealing with a mobster who gets involved in boxing - in a way that's fast-paced, cleverly written, and downright hilarious in a truly dark way.  ...

mother! Starring Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Ed Harris, Michelle Pfeiffer Directed by Darren Aronofsky The Story: A married couple (Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem) live in a secluded house, where she works diligently to make the house beautiful.  One day a stranger (Ed Harris) ends up on their doorstep, and the husband welcomes him to stay, to the wife's dismay.  The man is soon followed by his wife (Michelle Pfeiffer), and soon everything spirals out of control. The Synopsis: There was one thing I expected when I went to see "mother!," and that was to have my mind blown.  Darren Aronofsky is one of the most prolific, intellectual, multi-layered directors of our time, producing great works such as "Black Swan," "Pi," and "Requiem for a Dream."  Not only was my mind blown, but I spent most of the second half of the film sitting in open-mouthed shock, totally unnerved by what I was witnessing on screen, and not in a bad...

It Starring Jaeden Lieberher, Bill Skarsgard, Jeremy Ray Taylor, Sophia Lillis Directed by Andy Muschietti The Story: In the small Maine town of Derry, in 1989, young Georgie (Jackson Robert Scott) goes missing after a run-in with a clown named Pennywise (Bill Skarsgard).  His brother, Bill (Jaeden Lieberher), refuses to believe Georgie is dead, and is perplexed by how all the adults in town don't seem to notice all the mysterious disappearances of the children in the town. Together with the Losers Club - Ben (Jeremy Ray Taylor), Beverly (Sophia Lillis), Richie (Finn Wolfhard), Mike (Chosen Jacobs), Eddie (Jack Dylan Grazer) and Stanley (Wyatt Oleff) - Bill uncovers the deadly truth behind the disappearances, and who Pennywise really is.  The kids must face their fears and conquer the clown before they too become listed among the missing. The Synopsis: As a child, we had a basement at my house that was dark, dreary, and scared the heck out of me.  Whenever...

Worst2First:  My Top Summer Films 2017 With summer now a warm, distant memory, I've had time to reflect on the films I saw during the warm months of May-August.  To my surprise, I saw a total of 27...27!...movies in those few months.  Some have stuck with me, and others have stuck with me for all the wrong reasons.  Some have faded from memory, while others I'll never forget. Here are my top summer movies of 2017, worst2first... **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS! Also, if you don't see a summer movie on the list, I didn't see it, so I can't judge if it's good or bad - although with films like "Valerian," I could assume where that would fall... #27 Wish Upon A film about a girl who finds a Chinese wishing...thing...gives her seven wishes before it takes her soul.  It took my soul five minutes into this debacle.  I wish I never saw it, or at least I wish I could meet whatever idiots who thought this would be a great idea. #26 T...

Major Theatrical Releases September 2017 The start of fall brings some exciting films to the cinema.  From classic horror to the return of one of cinema's most prolific directors, from a lovable family-friendly animated brand to true-life tales, September will bring some great films to the screen. Here are the major theatrical releases for September 2017. **There will be no spoilers** **Dates are still subject to change** It September 8 Based off one of Stephen King's most iconic novels, "It" finally gets the big screen treatment after the Tim Curry-led made-for-television movie.  In a small town in Maine, children are disappearing, and it's all because of Pennywise the Dancing Clown, an evil demon who lives in the sewers and draws children in.  A group of youths band together - despite their own personal issues - to combat this evil and make the streets safe again.  From the first trailer on, this looks to be a downright terrifying, un...