Assassin's Creed

Assassin's Creed

Starring Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons, Brendan Gleeson

Directed by Justin Kurzel

The Story:
In 1492, a shady group of people known as the Assassins are destined to protect the Apple of Eden - something created by an ancient civilization that has the genetic code for free will, and whoever has it could put an end to violence by subjugating the human race.  They're destined to protect it from the Templars, who wish to use it to control mankind to their will.  Assassin Aguliar (Michael Fassbender) and others are tasked in protecting the Prince of Granada, whose father currently has the Apple.

In 1986, young Callum Lynch witnesses his father killing his mother, and runs off.  Thirty years later, Callum (Michael Fassbender) is sentenced to death and given a lethal injection.  He wakes up in Madrid, having been rescued by the Abstergo Foundation.  Their leading scientist, Dr. Sofia (Marion Cotillard), tells Callum that he is the last descendant of Aguliar's bloodline, and they've created a device known as the Animus that can transport Callum's mind to the past and see where Aguliar left the Apple.  However, the Abstergo Foundation isn't as wholesome as it appears, and its founder, Rikkin (Jeremy Irons), wishes to use the Apple for himself, who is also a member of the Templar.

The Synopsis:
"Based on the video game series."

Those six words are allowance for me to turn my mind off, mentally check out and sit back and enjoy a trainwreck of a film with lots of action, no dialogue, no cerebral story and witness the butchering of a beloved video game franchise.

Or so I thought.  However, director Justin Kurzel (who's directed such highly dramatic pieces such as "Macbeth" and "The Snowtown Murders") decided he wanted to try to produce high art within a video game movie adaptation.  The result is a film with very little action, a convoluted story and actors who - bless their hearts - really try to produce something tangible, but ultimately fails on all cylinders.

So there's this artifact that contains the genetic code for free will (is there such a thing?  I really don't think there is), and whoever controls it can control man's free will.  It's known as the Apple of Eden - I wonder if Steve Jobs' company gets royalties for the name - and it's a very powerful thing.  Which is why apparently no one outside the Templars and Assassins have ever heard of the thing.  So the Templars of today have built a machine that can, sort of, teleport a person back in time, but not in a way they can see the future but rather take over the person's body, but can't fully control him because it's not changing history, only viewing it, but the person in the future has no idea their memory is being hijacked because they're...like...dead, or something.

As I said, a convoluted story.

Anyway, Callum - who is from the Assassins lineage - willingly helps the Templars find the Apple because of some past daddy issues, and doesn't mind at all being a pawn: until he does.  Oh, and there's a lot of other prisoners there who are also from the Assassin bloodline, and they're being kept there for...reasons.  So Callum goes back in time - but not really, because he's still there in the present - and Sofia can see a 3D hologram of the past they pull from Callum's family's memory from the man he's sort of controlling in the past but not really because it's already happened and it can't be changed but they try to make you think he's in control but he's really not...

I feel like a white girl right now because I can't even.

Fassbender has the physical chops for the job, but doesn't deliver anything else to the role.  Cotillard spends most of the film talking nonsensical jargon about the machine and the program, and has a perpetual look of shock on her face.  Irons plays the villainous role like the villains of old - all he needed was the handlebar mustache to twirl.  Charlotte Ramping is a high-ranking Templar who just acts moody all the time.

I really can't say much positive about the film, and I'm surprised they managed to wrangle two Oscar winners (Marion Cotillard and Jeremy Irons) and two Oscar nominees (Michael Fassbender and Charlotte Ramping) to do this film.  Not just that, but the behind the scenes story is even more interesting.  Fassbender served as a producer, who wanted to bring Cotillard in since he worked with her on "Macbeth" - who is also directed by Kurzel - and together they re-wrote the script because the scriptwriter changed Sofia's story that wasn't to Cotillard's liking.

The only positive is when Callum goes back in time to ancient Spain, and it looks absolutely beautiful.  The Assassins costumes also look very intricate, as each one was hand-designed by costume designers for the film.  The sets are stunning, and really takes you back to that timeframe.  Plus they limited the use of CGI for the chase scenes, most of which were done by Fassbender himself, except for the Leap of Faith - a scene where the Assassin leaps off a tall building.  In reality it was done by stunt double Damien Walters, who performed a free fall from 125 feet, which is a new record.  So, good for him for not dying.

The film tries to blur the lines between right and wrong, as both the Templars and Assassins are neither fully bad or fully good, but that only works with a script that makes sense in a film that allows time to fully develop it.  Not for a movie based on a video game.
Better luck next time.

The Summary:
A nonsensical story, lack of serious action and perpetual boredom, "Assassin's Creed" follows the long line of movies based off video games that should never have been made.

The Score: C-