JoeMama's Movie Reviews

xXx: Return of Xander Cage Starring Vin Diesel, Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, Toni Collette Directed by D.J. Caruso The Story: Years after faking his death to escape the xXx program, Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) is brought out of retirement by Jane Marke (Toni Collette), who enlists him to stop a gang of highly crafty individuals led by Xiang (Donnie Yen), who stole some technology known as Pandora's Box that can bring satellites crashing to Earth in specific places like trained warheads. Cage enlists a gang of highly intelligent, resourceful and absolutely insane people to track Xiang and his gang down and retrieve the Box, but learn that there's much more than what they were being told, and the lines between good and evil become drastically blurred. The Synopsis: Vin Diesel is nearing fifty, but you would never guess that by seeing his films.  He's still as ripped, strong and muscular than ever, and his bread and butter is starring in franchise series that re...

Major Theatrical Releases February 2017 Typically February is the month studios drop off films they're not too excited about, but every once in a while there's a film (such as Deadpool last year) that really stands out above the dross.  Here are the major theatrical releases for February 2017 (dates subject to change). February 3 Rings In the 2000s, the horror subgenre known as J-Horror was all the rage.  Horror movies based in Japan were brought to America, given the American re-imagining, and audiences were terrified.  Films such as "The Grudge," "Pulse" and "Dark Water" sent moviegoers screaming in terror, but none compared to "The Ring."  The film - starring Naomi Watts, Brian Cox and Martin Henderson - thrilled and chilled moviegoers to the bone.  The story centered around Samara, the spirit of a girl killed who inhabits a VHS video and kills whoever watches it in seven days.  The film was met with critical a...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Biggest Oscar Surprises & Snubs For a cinephile like me, the Oscars are the crowning achievement in cinema.  There's no other awards show I anticipate more than the Academy Awards, and the nominations were just announced this week.  As usual there was a lot I wasn't surprised with, but there were some this year that either made me scratch my head, or make my anticipation all the more greater for when the awards are finally given out. Here are my top ten Oscar surprises and snubs, Worst2First... #10 No Nominations for Deadpool While I wasn't expecting Ryan Reynolds to get a Best Actor nomination, nor a Best Picture nod, I was surely expecting it to garner some nominations in the technical categories (especially for Costume Design and Makeup and Hair Styling), especially after earning several Golden Globe, Writers Guild, Producers Guild and other nominations.  However, the film was entirely shut out, but no doubt Ryan Reynol...

The Bye Bye Man Starring Douglas Smith, Lucien Laviscount, Cressida Bonas, Carrie-Anne Moss Directed by Stacy Title The Story: College couple Elliot (Douglas Smith) and Sasha (Cressida Bonas) - plus Elliot's best friend John (Lucien Laviscount) - move into a creepy old house off campus and begin to experience strange occurrences.  Elliot discovers words scratched into the nightstand in his bedroom that says "don't say it, don't think it," and he lifts the cover and etched in the wood are the words "The Bye Bye Man." As soon as he says his name, the Bye Bye Man (Doug Jones) arrives with his hell hound and begins tormenting the friends, putting images in their heads and causing them to turn on one another in the hopes of eventually killing them all.  Elliot has to find a way to stop the Bye Bye Man before he and his friends go...bye bye. The Synopsis: Born with albinism in the 1920s Louisiana, the Bye Bye Man was relentlessly teased and to...

Split Starring James McAvoy, Anya Taylor-Joy, Betty Buckley, Haley Lu Richardson Directed by M. Night Shyamalan The Story: After a birthday party at the mall, pretty friends Claire (Haley Lu Richardson) and Marcia (Jessica Sula) - along with shy, sullen, introverted Casey (Anya Taylor-Joy) are abducted by Kevin (James McAvoy) and taken to his underground home.  They quickly discern that he has multiple personalities, and the most prominent ones are OCD Dennis, British proper Patricia, and young Hedwig.  Kevin visits Dr. Karen Fletcher (Betty Buckley), who identifies him as having dissociative identity disorder, having 23 distinct personalities. Back at his lair, the two girls want to try to overpower Kevin, but Casey - having gone through survival training as a child - tries to reason with Kevin and his personalities, and he reveals to her that there's another personality waiting to come out, one known as The Beast, which will devour the impure and having been th...

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans Starring Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy, Rhona Mitra, Steven Mackintosh Directed by Patrick Tatopoulos The Story: Taking place a millennia before the previous two installments, "Rise of the Lycans" is the origin story as to how Selene was born, and how the battle between the aristocratic vampires and beastly lycans began.  Lucian (Michael Sheen) was the first half man, half werewolf born, but he wasn't killed by the vampire leader Viktor (Bill Nighy), but rather raised as his son - with a chain around his neck so he could never turn into a werewolf. Lucian falls in love with Viktor's daughter Sonja (Rhona Mitra), and the two begin a torrid affair that they know would end in their deaths if they were ever caught.  After being caught, Lucian begins to unite the werewolf and lycan worlds against the vampires and rescue Sonja from her father. The Synopsis: The "Underworld" series hasn't been one of the best in moder...

Hidden Figures Starring Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer, Janelle Monae, Kevin Costner Directed by Theodore Melfi The Story: In the 1960s, segregation was alive and well in America, so much so it affects NASA employees Katherine Goble (Taraji P. Henson), Dorothy Vaughan (Octavia Spencer) and Mary Jackson (Janelle Monae) in the fact that these women - although highly well educated, knowledgeable and confident - are reduced to working in the "colored computer" area at the West Area Computers section of NASA.  Katherine is highly gifted with mathematics from an early age, Dorothy has superior supervisor skills, and Mary is on the top of her game when it comes to engineering.  Yet, because of their color, they don't get a break. Until Katherine is advanced to the Space Task Group after the Russians successfully sent a man into space, becoming the only person of color on the team.  She is treated with resentment by her co-workers, forcing her to go to the colore...

Live By Night Starring Ben Affleck, Zoe Saldana, Elle Fanning, Sienna Miller Directed by Ben Affleck The Story: In Boston in the late 20s, Joe Coughlin (Ben Affleck) is a World War I vet and the son of distinguished police chief Thomas Coughlin (Brendan Gleeson), but he's turned to the world of crime and is involved with Emma Gould (Sienna Miller), the girlfriend of gangster Albert White (Robert Glenister).  Their relationship is discovered, and Joe is sentenced to three years in jail for the deaths of three police officers. After getting out of prison, Joe joins White's rival gang boss Maso Pescatore (Remo Girone), who sends him to Florida to to run Pescatore's rum empire and also get revenge against White, who is muscling in on his business in Tampa.  He moves down there with his right hand man, falls in love with Graciela Corrales (Zoe Saldana), befriends Sheriff Figgis (Chris Cooper), meets his daughter Loretta (Elle Fanning), and runs afoul of the Ku Klux...

Princess Mononoke Starring Billy Crudup, Claire Danes, Minnie Driver, Gillian Anderson Directed by Hayao Miyazaki The Story: In Muromachi Japan, a demon boar attempts to attack the town but is killed by Ashitaka (Billy Crudup), the last Emishi prince.  In the battle he is touched by the demon and given a scar that will eventually kill him, and he is sent by a wise woman to the west in hopes of finding a cure. He ends up in Iron Town, run by Lady Eboshi (Minnie Driver), a powerful leader who uses prostitutes and lepers to craft weapons and create iron at the expense of the forest population.  Ashitaka also finds San (Claire Danes), a girl who was raised by the wolves led by Moro (Gillian Anderson), and who hates humans due to their deforestation.  Ashitaka finds himself caught in a war between humans, animals, and the forest spirits who cannot find a way to coexist, and who has lost all means of communication with one another.  Only he can find a way to b...

Patriots Day Starring Mark Wahlberg, John Goodman, J.K. Simmons, Michelle Monaghan Directed by Peter Berg The Story: April 15, 2013.  A day that Boston - and the rest of America - will never forget.  For Sergeant Tommy Saunders (Mark Wahlberg), it began as an ordinary, boring day.  Having been demoted recently, he is now assigned to watch the finish line at the Boston Marathon, a task he deems too below his pay rate.  Meanwhile, couple Patrick (Christopher O'Shea) and Jessica (Rachel Brosnahan) are eagerly anticipating watching the race, and brothers Tamerlan (Themo Melikidze) and Dzhokhar (Alex Wolff) Tsarnaev are planning the most heinous act. As the race nears an end, an explosion is heard.  Then another.  Three people are dead, and countless others are wounded severely.  Saunders leaps into action, along with Police Commissioner Ed Davis (John Goodman), Mayor Thomas Menino (Vincent Curatola), FBI Special Agent Richard DesLauriers (Kev...

Fences Starring Denzel Washington, Viola Davis, Stephen McKinley Henderson, Jovan Adepo Directed by Denzel Washington The Story: In 1950s Pittsburgh, Troy Maxson (Denzel Washington) works at a waste collection factory with his lifelong friend Bono (Stephen McKinley Henderson), lives with his adoring, longsuffering wife Rose (Viola Davis) and teenage son Cory (Jovan Adepo), and on every Friday payday is visited by his eldest son from another woman Lyons (Russell Honrsby), who always asks for money.  Troy lives in a modest house thanks to his brother Gabriel (Mykelti Wiliamson), who was injured in the War and suffered permanent brain damage, but has since moved out to show his independence. Troy enjoys telling stories, most of which involve him spending time in prison, playing baseball for the Negro Leagues, being denied for Major League Baseball due to his race (or possibly his age), and wrestling with the Grim Reaper while he battled pneumonia.  All the while Ros...

Assassin's Creed Starring Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons, Brendan Gleeson Directed by Justin Kurzel The Story: In 1492, a shady group of people known as the Assassins are destined to protect the Apple of Eden - something created by an ancient civilization that has the genetic code for free will, and whoever has it could put an end to violence by subjugating the human race.  They're destined to protect it from the Templars, who wish to use it to control mankind to their will.  Assassin Aguliar (Michael Fassbender) and others are tasked in protecting the Prince of Granada, whose father currently has the Apple. In 1986, young Callum Lynch witnesses his father killing his mother, and runs off.  Thirty years later, Callum (Michael Fassbender) is sentenced to death and given a lethal injection.  He wakes up in Madrid, having been rescued by the Abstergo Foundation.  Their leading scientist, Dr. Sofia (Marion Cotillard), tells Callum t...