The Last Witch Hunter

-
The Last Witch Hunter
Starring Vin Diesel, Rose Leslie, Elijah Wood, Michael Caine
Directed by Breck Eisner

The Story:
During the Dark Ages, the Black Plague was unleashed upon the world by the evil Witch Queen, until the warrior Kaulder (Vin Diesel) killed her.  However, in the process, she placed a curse on him, granting him immortality.

Eight hundred years later, in modern day New York, Kaulder works for a shadow Catholic agency known as The Axe and Cross, and his recent Dolan priest (Michael Caine) plans retirement.  He is then attacked by a witch and it's up to Kaulder, his new Dolan (Elijah Wood), and witch Chloe (Rose Leslie) to find the witch that cursed the old Dolan and prevent the Witch Queen from being resurrected.

The Synopsis:
"The Last Witch Hunter" was a film that was completed back in 2003, but Summit Entertainment kept it under wraps on the shelf, because no one had really heard the name Vin Diesel then.  One night, a cleaning guy accidentally dusted off the reel, and the studio executives remembered that Vin Diesel was now all the rage, so they decided to finally release it to theaters.

This, of course, is not true.  However, if you watched the film, you'd believe it was something that was filmed over a decade ago.  Vin Diesel gives his best wooden performance, which worked well for him in the "Fast and the Furious" series, but as a solo leading man, doesn't bode well for him here.

The story is as old as time, and as cliched as anything you'd remember.  A hero, graced (or cursed) with immortality, spends his time hunting evil and avenging his friends before discovering the first evil that caused his curse is about to be resurrected, and all hell will break loose.  That's the plot for "The Last Witch Hunter," and it doesn't deviate from it.  There's no surprise twists, no compelling character arcs, and, worst of all, no great action scenes. 

As I said in my hypothetical, it could've been totally plausible that the film was made long ago by the cheesy, over-the-top effects.  It reminded me of The Rock in "The Mummy Returns" when he turns into that terribly CGI'd creature thing.  All the effects here are slightly above your average SyFy Original, and I still half expected to see a Sharknado in the distance. 

The Summary:
Vin Diesel had a lot of hope for "The Last Witch Hunter," but, as the title states, it will hopefully be THE last one.

The Score: C

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Major Theatrical Releases May 2019

-
Image
Major Theatrical Releases May 2019 After the hype that is "Avengers: Endgame," May offers a massive collection of differing types of movies, enough to entertain everyone. Here are the major theatrical releases for May 2019. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** **DATES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE**  The Intruder May 3 Dennis Quaid goes from starring the family-friendly "A Dog's Journey" to playing a total psycho in "The Intruder."  When a young couple purchases a home from Quaid's character Charlie, they didn't realize it came with an addition - Charlie himself, who can't seem to let his old home go.  I don't expect any twists or turns in this tale, and this looks like a film better fit for Lifetime than the big screen.  Long Shot May 3 Charlize Theron stars as Charlotte Field, the current Secretary of State and who's running for President.  Seth Rogen stars as Fred Flarsky, a
Read more

Witch

-
Image
Witch Starring Russell Shaw, Ryan Spong, Sarah Alexandra Marks, Fabrizio Santino Directed by Craig Hinde & Marc Zammit Movies about witches are about a dime a dozen, and follow the same formula: typically set in a time period long ago (since now, fortunately, the stigma of witches has been lessened and the religious fervor has diminished), in a small Puritanical town, a girl is accused of witchcraft which spirals the town into a frenzy filled with suspicion, doubt, and murder until the witch is put to religious justice. While that's not necessarily a bad formula (Robert Eggers' "The VVitch" and Mario Bava's "Black Sunday" immediately come to mind), most films fall by the wayside. "Witch" is a small film that, at first glance, seems to follow the mold before completely shattering it in a second act twist that's daring, provocative, and works in a lot of levels, but could've been more pronounced if given a bigger budget. In the small
Read more

Special Review: "Midwest Sessions"

-
Image
Special Review: "Midwest Sessions" Directed by Mario Ricciardi Independent filmmaking is a fascinating concept, wherein the director and everyone involved sets out to make something unique, different, and go against the traditional status quo of what's defined as a "blockbuster." These films aren't usually seen by the masses and won't be included in the top ten highest grossing movies of all time, but they offer something those films don't: a heart and commitment by the people involved to craft something wholly distinctive that tell a story in their own way. Such is "Midwest Sessions," a local film directed by Mario Ricciardi that centers on the city of Youngstown, Ohio, and the captivating people who live there. Told in different vignettes that seem distinct and different from one another but coming together as a whole in the end, it's an engrossing film that utilizes its shoestring budget and gives great performances, decent effects a
Read more