The Last Witch Hunter

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The Last Witch Hunter
Starring Vin Diesel, Rose Leslie, Elijah Wood, Michael Caine
Directed by Breck Eisner

The Story:
During the Dark Ages, the Black Plague was unleashed upon the world by the evil Witch Queen, until the warrior Kaulder (Vin Diesel) killed her.  However, in the process, she placed a curse on him, granting him immortality.

Eight hundred years later, in modern day New York, Kaulder works for a shadow Catholic agency known as The Axe and Cross, and his recent Dolan priest (Michael Caine) plans retirement.  He is then attacked by a witch and it's up to Kaulder, his new Dolan (Elijah Wood), and witch Chloe (Rose Leslie) to find the witch that cursed the old Dolan and prevent the Witch Queen from being resurrected.

The Synopsis:
"The Last Witch Hunter" was a film that was completed back in 2003, but Summit Entertainment kept it under wraps on the shelf, because no one had really heard the name Vin Diesel then.  One night, a cleaning guy accidentally dusted off the reel, and the studio executives remembered that Vin Diesel was now all the rage, so they decided to finally release it to theaters.

This, of course, is not true.  However, if you watched the film, you'd believe it was something that was filmed over a decade ago.  Vin Diesel gives his best wooden performance, which worked well for him in the "Fast and the Furious" series, but as a solo leading man, doesn't bode well for him here.

The story is as old as time, and as cliched as anything you'd remember.  A hero, graced (or cursed) with immortality, spends his time hunting evil and avenging his friends before discovering the first evil that caused his curse is about to be resurrected, and all hell will break loose.  That's the plot for "The Last Witch Hunter," and it doesn't deviate from it.  There's no surprise twists, no compelling character arcs, and, worst of all, no great action scenes. 

As I said in my hypothetical, it could've been totally plausible that the film was made long ago by the cheesy, over-the-top effects.  It reminded me of The Rock in "The Mummy Returns" when he turns into that terribly CGI'd creature thing.  All the effects here are slightly above your average SyFy Original, and I still half expected to see a Sharknado in the distance. 

The Summary:
Vin Diesel had a lot of hope for "The Last Witch Hunter," but, as the title states, it will hopefully be THE last one.

The Score: C

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