The Beast of XMoor

-
The Beast of XMoor
Starring Melia Kreiling, Nick Blood, Mark Bonnar, Olivia Popicia
Directed by Luke Hyams
The Story:
In England, there is a beast known to terrorize the woods, known as a giant panther.  For American crypto-enthusiasts Georgia (Melia Kreiling) and Matt (Nick Blood), this is the perfect place to hunt him down and earn a bountiful prize.  With the help of local Fox (Mark Bonnar), the three set up camp in the woods.

However, what they discover is far more deadly than a panther, as the spot they claim is also the place where a serial killer has hidden his "trophies."  Now they're determined to track down the killer before he strikes again.

The Synopsis:
There are several issues going against "The Beast of XMoor," but not a whole lot going right with it.
-They couldn't even settle on a title.  It's either "The Beast of XMoor" or simply "XMoor."
-Speaking of not being able to make up their minds, the film doesn't even know what it is - is it a search for an elusive panther?  Or the hunt for a serial killer?  How about the hunt for the two creepy teens who set a car on fire and assault Georgia with no repercussions?  How about a little of all three?
-As far as the characters go, you wouldn't want to be with any of them when any sort of danger hits the fan.  Or maybe you do, because at least you can offer them up like pudding.
-Seriously.  The lead girl goes out as the killer is within viewing distance and lifts a lighted flare high in the air calling out in a loud voice for her boyfriend, whom she saw was currently unconscious.  Smart move there.
-How about a girl they rescue repeatedly tries to kill them?  You know, biting the hand that feeds you.
-The killer himself is as bumbling as a Scooby Doo villain, the only thing the film needed was a dog yearning for Scooby Snacks.
-How about the film makes little to no sense from start to finish?

Maybe I'm a little too harsh.  Or not harsh enough.  I think I'll go with the latter there.  There is very little to redeem such drivel, from the terrible acting to the ADD-style storyline to the horrible lighting, "XMoor" has very little to offer that's positive. 

Oh look, there's the panther!  Very majestic.

Okay, it's got that going for it.

The Summary:
"The Beast of XMoor" is a cautionary tale to not include too many subplots in an otherwise simplistic movie.  Think "Spider-Man 3."

The Score: C-

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Major Theatrical Releases May 2019

-
Image
Major Theatrical Releases May 2019 After the hype that is "Avengers: Endgame," May offers a massive collection of differing types of movies, enough to entertain everyone. Here are the major theatrical releases for May 2019. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** **DATES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE**  The Intruder May 3 Dennis Quaid goes from starring the family-friendly "A Dog's Journey" to playing a total psycho in "The Intruder."  When a young couple purchases a home from Quaid's character Charlie, they didn't realize it came with an addition - Charlie himself, who can't seem to let his old home go.  I don't expect any twists or turns in this tale, and this looks like a film better fit for Lifetime than the big screen.  Long Shot May 3 Charlize Theron stars as Charlotte Field, the current Secretary of State and who's running for President.  Seth Rogen stars as Fred Flarsky, a...
Read more

Witch

-
Image
Witch Starring Russell Shaw, Ryan Spong, Sarah Alexandra Marks, Fabrizio Santino Directed by Craig Hinde & Marc Zammit Movies about witches are about a dime a dozen, and follow the same formula: typically set in a time period long ago (since now, fortunately, the stigma of witches has been lessened and the religious fervor has diminished), in a small Puritanical town, a girl is accused of witchcraft which spirals the town into a frenzy filled with suspicion, doubt, and murder until the witch is put to religious justice. While that's not necessarily a bad formula (Robert Eggers' "The VVitch" and Mario Bava's "Black Sunday" immediately come to mind), most films fall by the wayside. "Witch" is a small film that, at first glance, seems to follow the mold before completely shattering it in a second act twist that's daring, provocative, and works in a lot of levels, but could've been more pronounced if given a bigger budget. In the small ...
Read more

Special Review: "Midwest Sessions"

-
Image
Special Review: "Midwest Sessions" Directed by Mario Ricciardi Independent filmmaking is a fascinating concept, wherein the director and everyone involved sets out to make something unique, different, and go against the traditional status quo of what's defined as a "blockbuster." These films aren't usually seen by the masses and won't be included in the top ten highest grossing movies of all time, but they offer something those films don't: a heart and commitment by the people involved to craft something wholly distinctive that tell a story in their own way. Such is "Midwest Sessions," a local film directed by Mario Ricciardi that centers on the city of Youngstown, Ohio, and the captivating people who live there. Told in different vignettes that seem distinct and different from one another but coming together as a whole in the end, it's an engrossing film that utilizes its shoestring budget and gives great performances, decent effects a...
Read more