The Last House on Cemetery Lane

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The Last House on Cemetery Lane
Starring Lee Bane, Georgina Blackledge, Tessa Wood, Vivien Bridson
Directed by Andrew Jones

The Story:
John Davies (Lee Bane) is a horror movie screenwriter with a case of writers' block, so he stays at a big lonely house to gain some inspiration, but when he arrives he learns from the seller Mrs. Connelly (Tessa Wood) that there's another tenant, an old blind woman named Agnes (Vivien Bridson) who lives on the third floor.

Despite this, John agrees to stay, and instantly meets neighbor Cassie (Georgina Blackledge), and the two develop a relationship.  Meanwhile, he remains blocked in his writing, but being haunted by mysterious dreams and having strange occurrences happen in the house makes him begin to wonder if there isn't another - more supernatural - guest in the house.

The Synopsis:
I both love and hate haunted house movies.  I love it when there's a bunch of people inside the house, and lots of scary stuff happening in it.  I hate it when it follows a boring pattern of doors shutting, noises being heard, and having a lone person inside.  That's what "The Last House on Cemetery Lane" is.  A boring tale that is easily forgotten after it ends.

It doesn't help that the main character has as much charisma as dry paint.  Lee Bane is one of the worst actors there is, I guess, since I've never heard of anything else he's done.  Here he plays the same one-note character, no changes in voice, no excitement, nothing.  Could've replaced him with a cardboard cutout and no one would be the wiser.

The story.  This story.  Was there a story?  I don't remember.  There were about three scary scenes, and then a murder mystery, a scene completely ripped off the original "Halloween" movie (including music), and an ending that didn't seem to fit in with whatever narrative they were trying to achieve.

The Summary:
One of the worst haunted house movies I've ever seen, hands down.  One that will be forgotten easily.  The trailer is more terrifying.

The Score: D

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