JoeMama's Movie Reviews

The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh Starring Aaron Poole, Vanessa Redgrave, Julian Richings, Stephen Eric McIntyre Directed by Rodrigo Gudino Synopsis: Rosalind Leigh (Vanessa Redgrave) was a very spiritually devout woman to a strange cult, and wanted her son Leon (Aaron Poole) to believe.  He abandoned her and she committed suicide, and he comes back to the house to see what he could get rid of.  While there he hears strange voices and sees a frightening cat-like creature that stalks him until he decides to make the ultimate decision to believe, or not. Review: This film was very dull, and didn't make a lot of sense.  It could've gone in different directions with different theories from anyone who watched it, but even though it was dull, I found myself compelled to see the whole thing.  It was a throwback to a classic Hitchcock film, instead of relying on stupid jump scares, blood and gore, and nudity, it tells a story about a mother feeling...

Jack Frost Starring  Scott MacDonald, Christopher Allport, Stephen Mendel, F. William Parker Directed by Michael Cooney Synopsis: Serial killer Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald) is on his way to the electric chair when a freak car accident with another vehicle holding a mysterious new serum turns him into a living snowman.  With a new lease on life, he sets out to get revenge on Sheriff Sam (Christopher Allport), who put him in prison.  He unleashes a snowman's carnage on Sam's town, gleefully killing several citizens in order to reach his grand prize. Review: I don't think anyone could take this film seriously.  It's impossible.  You can't expect to fully believe that a serial killer can turn into a snowman and kill people.  Even the actors don't take it seriously, which is what makes it fun.  There's 0% horror, 100% comedy. It's a good film to see when you don't want to think about life, and it's a good escape from it.  Other than t...

Jug Face Starring Lauren Carter, Sean Bridgers, Larry Fessenden, Sean Young Directed by Chad Kinkle Synopsis: In a backwoods town, there's the pit.  It's a supernatural entity that cures the towns' illnesses, but it desires sacrifices in the form of jug faces, where the seer in the town falls under a trance and makes a jug face of someone in the town, and that person is sacrificed. Ada (Lauren Carter) just discovered she's pregnant with her brother's baby, and finds out that her face is the next jug face.  Fearing death, she takes the jug and hides it.  This sends the pit into a rampage, and people around her start dying as retribution.  Ada learns that to stop the killings she has to come clean, but that would mean certain death for her. Review: This is a very small film.  I say that in a good way, because it feels very isolated and it gives you time to really know the characters.  It's definitely one of the oddest films I've seen, and the...

Jack the Reaper Starring Tony Todd, Stacey Carino, Richardson Chery, Jemal Draco Directed by Kimberly Seilhamer Synopsis: A group of typical teenage stereotypes are on a field trip where a mysterious man (Tony Todd) tells them the story of Railroad Jack, an evil spirit who kills people on the railroad.  On the way home, the bus crashes, and they awaken at night with no one else around, except for a mysterious carnival.  While most of them decide to go and have fun, except for one girl who remains on the bus. While the kids are enjoying the carnival, they have no idea that Railroad Jack (Douglas Tait) is stalking them, killing them one by one.  But are they already dead? Review: I can't remember a single actor's name in the film, but thankfully they're stereotyped as well as "The Breakfast Club."  We got the stupid jock, his mild-mannered friend, his more sincere brother, the slut, the deaf girl (alright, that's kinda new), the fat kid, the emo, and th...

22 Jump Street Starring Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Ice Cube, Wyatt Russell Directed by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller Synopsis: Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Jenko (Channing Tatum) are back working with 21 Jump Street (which now is 22 Jump Street, across the street) and with Captain Dickson (Ice Cube) to go undercover in college to find the supplier of a new type of drug that could take over the globe. As the best friends and partners go deep undercover in the college scene, they begin to lose focus on why they're really there, and instead become deeply involved in college events.  Schmidt finds himself a girlfriend, and Jenko is recruited by quarterback Zook (Wyatt Russell) and the two become best friends, while Jenko ignored Schmidt.  Feelings are hurt, and it threatens to not just result in a failure in the mission, but an end to a strong bond. Review: The brotherhood that is Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum is what drives this series.  If two actors didn'...

Zombie Apocalypse: Redemption Starring Johnny Gel, Fred Williamson, Joseph Anthony, Tommy Beardmore Directed by Ryan Thompson Synopsis: Knox (Johnny Gel) is a former renegade kicked out of his old gang and left to die in the desert.  He's picked up by Moses (Fred Williamson) and his crew, who survive by pillaging empty towns, since the undead have began to walk again and the government nuked the world.  Knox is chased by his old gang, and he enlists his new crew to put an end to the renegade force. Review: Some films are so bad they're good, but this one went way beyond.  The dialogue is completely horrible, the zombies are pretty much non-existent, and the effects are laughable at best.  All the gunshots were done after filming, and its clear that they're not real.  The fighting scenes are so staged it could've been done in a high school production.  It's too far over the top to be good, and there's nothing really good I can say about it. S...

Lizzie Starring Amanda Baker, Corbin Bernsen, Leif Holt, Gary Busey Directed by David Dunn Jr. Synopsis: Lizzy Allen (Amanda Baker) has just moved back to her childhood home with her boyfriend Jason (Leif Holt).  She experiences terrible nightmares and sees Dr. Fredericks (Corbin Bernsen), who wants her to delve into her childhood, but she's unwilling, so she instead takes a whole lot of pills and booze. As it turns out, her childhood home is the same house that belonged to the Borden family, where the father and mother were horribly butchered supposedly by their daughter Lizzie.  Now her spirit inhabits people to either try to clear her name or just kill people, you really can't tell. Review: I'm a true crime fan so the Lizzie Borden case always intrigued me.  The prologue in the film tells the story of the real Lizzie Borden, and that was the best part of the film, even if the music overshadowed the narration.  After that we're "greeted" w...

August: Osage County Starring Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Ewan McGregor, Abigail Breslin Directed by John Wells Synopsis: When her husband goes missing, cancer patient and pill addict Violet (Meryl Streep) brings home her three grown daughters (Julia Roberts, Julianne Nicholson and Juliette Lewis) to help find him.  As the family reconnects, old secrets are revealed, past grievances come to light, and a death threatens to tear the family apart forever. Review: Based off a Broadway play, "August: Osage County" is a truly no-holds-barred look into the dysfunctional lives of one Midwestern family.  It is a truly jarring experience which begins with the dinner from hell, but after the secrets are revealed, it makes the dinner look like a Walton Christmas. Led by the incomparable Meryl Streep, "August: Osage County" trumps a venerable who's who of today's most talented and acclaimed actors.  The first paring of Streep and Julia Roberts is pure c...

Mountaintop Motel Massacre Starring Anna Chappell, Bill Thurman, Will Mitchell, Virginia Loridans Directed by Jim McCullough Sr. Synopsis: Evelyn (Anna Chappell) has just been released from the mental asylum when she accidentally kills her daughter.  Living at a hotel, she rents rooms to weary travelers, and its the voice of her dead daughter which tells her to kill, so she sets out to murder her clients by coming through hidden doors in their bathroom floors to murder them with a sickle.  Review: The 80s was the best decade for cheesy slasher flicks.  "Mountaintop Motel Massacre" is one of the unfortunately underrated of them, for it's brilliant in its campy cheesiness. There's no eternal killer here.  No Jason, no Freddy, no Michael.  There's not even a fit male human killer.  Instead the killer is the supposedly sweet old caretaker lady.  Someone you would least suspect, but someone known to the viewer as the killer from the start...

Abandoned Mine Starring Alexa Vega, Reiley McClendon, Saige Thompson, Charan Prabhakar Directed by Jeff Chamberlain Synopsis: A group of friends decide to spend Halloween in a supposedly haunted mine, where the spirits of a miner and his two girls reside, and are trapped until the spirits of the girls can find their way out. Review: PG-13 horror movies can be either really good ("The Ring," "The Grudge") or really bad ("Dead Silence," "The Off Season").  "Abandoned Mine" falls in with the really bad unfortunately.  With a star like Alexa Vega (best known for her role in the "Spy Kids" series), you would expect at least this film to be passable, but it wasn't even that good.  First is the story.  It seems simple enough, but the director decided to throw in a lame twist that anyone with half a brain could see coming a mile away, which deters from the main story and ultimately ends up in a jumbled confused me...

Fangoria Presents: Sin Reaper Starring Helen Mutch, Lance Henriksen, Hazuki Kato, Patrick Thomas Directed by Sebastian Bartolitius Synopsis: Samantha (Helen Mutch) is haunted by strange nightmares at night, and her doctor (Lance Henriksen) discovers that her dreams have a weird link to reality, as the setting of her dreams is the same as a medieval castle in Germany that she's never been to or heard of. Heading to the castle in hopes of finding the meaning of her dreams, Samantha discovers a deadly family secret, and the Sin Reaper - a figure dressed with a mysterious metal mask wielding a strange cross-shaped weapon that targets her and her friends. Review: The previews for this film made me want to see it all the more, because it seemed that the killer was a different breed of evil.  While I was disappointed with the actual result, I still think the killer was intriguing, especially with the spectacular double kill committed between two lovers which reminded me o...