Blood Runs Cold

-

Blood Runs Cold
Starring Hanna Oldeburg, Patrick Saxe, Andreas Rylander, Elin Hugoson
Directed by Sonny Laguna

Winona (Hanna Oldenburg) is a famous something-or-other, and her publicist sends her back home to relax, in a very cold, dark, creepy house.  Bored within minutes, she heads to the bar where she reunites with her ex boyfriend Richard (Patrick Saxe) and his friends (Andreas Rylander, Elin Hugoson).  Together they head back to Winona's place, where they're stalked by a killer of some sort. 

This film was made with only $5,000, and you can clearly tell.  The gore is surprisingly effective, but the plot is so paper thin you could cut yourself on your finger with it.  We never know who the killer is, or even what he is (he gets attacked by several weapons a'la Jason Voorhees but doesn't die).  Either he's a zombie (he's seen eating entrails), a Jason-like ethereal being, or a human with a heck of a lot of body armor.  No one knows, and no one knows why he's killing.  There's no story, no legend, no tall tale, nothing.  The rest of the actors work with absolutely nothing, and it's clear they didn't invest any money in an actual writer for this film.

The title is strangely appropriate, because your blood will run cold when you see this film - because you'll die of sheer boredom.

My Rating: D+ 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Major Theatrical Releases May 2019

-
Image
Major Theatrical Releases May 2019 After the hype that is "Avengers: Endgame," May offers a massive collection of differing types of movies, enough to entertain everyone. Here are the major theatrical releases for May 2019. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** **DATES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE**  The Intruder May 3 Dennis Quaid goes from starring the family-friendly "A Dog's Journey" to playing a total psycho in "The Intruder."  When a young couple purchases a home from Quaid's character Charlie, they didn't realize it came with an addition - Charlie himself, who can't seem to let his old home go.  I don't expect any twists or turns in this tale, and this looks like a film better fit for Lifetime than the big screen.  Long Shot May 3 Charlize Theron stars as Charlotte Field, the current Secretary of State and who's running for President.  Seth Rogen stars as Fred Flarsky, a...
Read more

Witch

-
Image
Witch Starring Russell Shaw, Ryan Spong, Sarah Alexandra Marks, Fabrizio Santino Directed by Craig Hinde & Marc Zammit Movies about witches are about a dime a dozen, and follow the same formula: typically set in a time period long ago (since now, fortunately, the stigma of witches has been lessened and the religious fervor has diminished), in a small Puritanical town, a girl is accused of witchcraft which spirals the town into a frenzy filled with suspicion, doubt, and murder until the witch is put to religious justice. While that's not necessarily a bad formula (Robert Eggers' "The VVitch" and Mario Bava's "Black Sunday" immediately come to mind), most films fall by the wayside. "Witch" is a small film that, at first glance, seems to follow the mold before completely shattering it in a second act twist that's daring, provocative, and works in a lot of levels, but could've been more pronounced if given a bigger budget. In the small ...
Read more

Special Review: "Midwest Sessions"

-
Image
Special Review: "Midwest Sessions" Directed by Mario Ricciardi Independent filmmaking is a fascinating concept, wherein the director and everyone involved sets out to make something unique, different, and go against the traditional status quo of what's defined as a "blockbuster." These films aren't usually seen by the masses and won't be included in the top ten highest grossing movies of all time, but they offer something those films don't: a heart and commitment by the people involved to craft something wholly distinctive that tell a story in their own way. Such is "Midwest Sessions," a local film directed by Mario Ricciardi that centers on the city of Youngstown, Ohio, and the captivating people who live there. Told in different vignettes that seem distinct and different from one another but coming together as a whole in the end, it's an engrossing film that utilizes its shoestring budget and gives great performances, decent effects a...
Read more