Never Been Chris'd

Never Been Chris'd
Starring Janel Parrish, Tyler Hynes, Pascal Lamothe-Kipnes, Linda Ko
Directed by Jeff Beesley

It's a rivalry as old as time. Rocky versus Apollo. Professor X versus Magneto. Magic Johnson versus Larry Bird. When two people want the same thing they'll stop at nothing to make sure that their goal is the one that's met, even if it threatens a lifelong friendship. Now it's Naomi versus Liz, two lifelong friends who return to their small hometown for the holidays and find that their shared childhood crush still lives in town and both still harbor romantic feelings for him. In what was supposed to be the bought for the ages, "Never Been Chris'd" looked prime to be the ultimate showdown for the affections of one attractive yet stuck in his hometown man - but instead it pivots so wildly that you could hear Ross shouting it in the background.

Naomi (Janel Parrish) and Liz (Pascal Lamothe-Kipnes) are successful best friends who started a dating app and are looking for backers when they return home for the holidays. Naomi is hesitant to see her overbearing mother while Liz feels like the black sheep in her nuclear family, but they have each other and that's all they want - until they run into their shared high school crush Chris Silver (Tyler Hynes). Although both were shy and awkward in high school, Chris has now taken a shining to them both, inviting them out on dates and getting to know them all over again. When he finally picks one of the girls, will it break their friendship forever?

The short answer is "no." It's a Hallmark movie for goodness sakes, you can't have anyone unhappy in the end! Well, except the viewer sometimes. This movie in particular is a hodgepodge of different stories that the writers seemed to want to flush out but got distracted and went in a different direction. You'd expect the main struggle being how the girls react to Chris choosing to date one of them, but apart from a quick romantic daydream the other doesn't even care. There's absolutely no drama or tension when they start dating with the other girl, and surprisingly for a Hallmark movie the romance is the worst aspect of it all.

That's because there's absolutely no chemistry between Chris and the woman he picked (honestly it'd make more sense if he picked the other). In fact, honestly actor Tyler Hynes had no chemistry with either actress, and they seemed more into each other than into him. Hynes performs his lines with a deadpan tone you'd think he was being threatened behind the scenes to act in this movie or his Hallmark card will be revoked. He exudes about as much emotion in the relationship as I do when I turn on my lamp.

Instead the tension comes with the business the girls started, or at least that's a part of it - a small part of it, really, as I totally forgot they had a business to start with. INSTEAD the tension comes with the family drama that both girls endure - although that too is mended rather quickly...INSTEAD INSTEAD the tension comes when one is tasked by the high school reunion committee to spearhead the local dance - actually the other doesn't even care about it. So the tension, um, is there, somewhere, probably. Maybe its Chris's secret that he's not really vegan? Eh who cares.

Janel Parrish is best known for her role in "Pretty Little Liars," and it seems that her closer-to-A-list title gave her a more serious tone to the film that doesn't require it. She seems to be having a terrible time delivering her comedic lines, like she wants to be taken more seriously than the script allowed. Only Pascal Lamothe-Kipnes seemed to really be enjoying herself, but even then she has this melancholy that goes deeper than the story permits, making me feel like both were expecting more than what they were given.

So when it comes to Hallmark movies, "Never Been Chris'd" should remain on your "Never Been List'd" list.

The Score: D