JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Five Nights at Freddy's Starring Josh Hutcherson, Piper Rubio, Elizabeth Lail, Matthew Lillard Directed by Emma Tammi I remember when I was a child going to Chuck E. Cheese's for my birthday parties and seeing the big animatronic creatures on stage singing Happy Birthday with totally wrong lip-syncing and fake instrument playing. It was the time of my life, and obviously that nostalgia is what makes "Five Nights at Freddy's" so endearing to an older crowd. Starting out as a series of app games, the concept was simple - watch monitors and make sure you're always watching the animatronics, because if not they'll come alive and kill you with less-than-effective jump scares. I barely got through about ten minutes of playing before giving up out of sheer boredom, but obviously the game garnered a huge following, especially with the younger crowd: kids toys and even children's novels about the franchise sell like hotcakes, and it's a unique brand that ca...

Hell Van Starring Jorge Delarosa, Marvin Conner, Justin Cash, Meredith Hillard Directed by Jorge Delarosa Horror has always been my favorite genre of movies because the sky's the limit when it comes to creativity. You have an idea of having a woman's privates eating men? You get "Teeth." You have a concept of a zombie apocalypse seen through the eyes of zombies, you get "Aaah! Zombies!" A reclining chair that becomes enchanted by a girl and commits murderous acts of passion? "Killer Sofa!" There's no idea that's too outlandish for the horror genre, and as long as you have passion, heart, and drive (as well as the technical aspects like money, actors, sets, props, costumes, etc.), you can make your dream come true. "Hell Van" is one such film, a small independent feature that was completely sourced by the film's director, writer, co-producer and star Jorge Delarosa. Is it going to be a polished horror blockbuster done by a soul...

Cobweb Starring Woody Norman, Lizzy Caplan, Antony Starr, Cleopatra Coleman Directed by Samuel Bodin "Cobweb" was one of those smaller horror films that hit with gusto, becoming a word-of-mouth horror film that couldn't be missed, a story so shocking and intense that you wouldn't be able to get it out of your head. At least that's what some people said, and the hype train begun. When I finally got to watch it on Hulu, I liked the concept, but ultimately felt like it was a skeleton of a horror movie - it had all the right ingredients, but ultimately didn't go anywhere with it, filled with predictable beats of other horror movies it clearly takes liberties from. Peter (Woody Norman) is a bullied eight-year-old who lives with his distant, odd-acting parents Carol (Lizzy Caplan) and Mark (Antony Starr) who doesn't seem to care that he hears knocking and a voice in the walls of their home. His only confidant is substitute teacher Ms. Devine (Cleopatra Coleman) ...

Killers of the Flower Moon Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Robert De Niro, Lily Gladstone, Jesse Plemons Directed by Martin Scorsese It's no secret Martin Scorsese is one of this generation's most talented, ingenious directors who's provided cinematic masterpieces time and again. "Goodfellas," "Raging Bull," "The Departed," "The Irishman" - Scorsese is the master of the mobster genre. He utilizes this motif with the true story "Killers of the Flower Moon" where he introduces us to a new type of mobster - all the more deadly because they're suave, unassuming, and extremely heartless in their endeavor to be wealthy at the cost of countless Osage Native American lives. In the early 1900s the Osage nation was pushed out of their land and settled in Oklahoma, only to discover the land they moved to was filled with oil, making them the most wealthy people per capita during the time. The law required white guardians to manage their...

Pet Sematary: Bloodlines Starring Jackson White, Natalie Alyn Lind, Forrest Goodluck, Isabella Star LaBlanc Directed by Lindsey Anderson Beer You ever see a movie that, once it ended, you immediately forget everything you saw? Like as soon as the credits ended you stand up and think to yourself, "what was I just doing?" Now did you ever have that happen WHILE you were actually watching the movie? Like as you're sitting there watching it you're thinking to yourself, "I've been paying attention, but I have absolutely no idea what's going on?" Not like in a highly cerebral storyline that leaves you confused due to its impeccable and intelligent writing, but because the movie was so bland, boring, lifeless, and utterly nonexistent? Well, that's what "Pet Sematary: Bloodlines" was for me - a movie I forgot about while I was watching it, proving the tired saying that the film likes to say: "sometimes dead is better." In 1969, Jed Cr...

The Exorcist: Believer Starring Leslie Odom, Jr., Ann Dowd, Jennifer Nettles, Norbert Leo Butz Directed by David Gordon Green Back in 1973, a little film called "The Exorcist" hit theaters, and the results were nothing short of cinematic history. Audience members ran out in terror. Others threw up. Still others fainted. It was a phenomenon that was unseen in theaters until that point, and for the last fifty years they've been trying to re-create that same magic - to little to no effect. Now every exorcism movie is immediately compared to the OG, and unfairly or not, you can never compare something to greatness, because it will never measure up. The subsequent "Exorcist" sequels and prequels (with the exception of the third, which was serviceable at best) was completely devoid of anything that made the original a cinematic masterpiece. Now, in the hands of Blumhouse and David Gordon Green, they try once again to resurrect the franchise with "The Exorcist: Be...

V/H/S/85 Starring Freddy Rodriguez, James Ransone, Jordan Belfi, Chelsey Grant Directed by David Bruckner, Mike P. Nelson, Gigi Saul Guerrero, Natasha Kermani & Scott Derrickson The "V/H/S/" franchise is unique in that they're a series of short films that are connected by an overarching narrative that brings them all to a (sorta) cohesive whole. At least that was the original plan, but it seems as the films continue churning out this concept is lost in favor of just a series of short films by both acclaimed and up-and-coming directors that don't have a general theme - and that's perfectly fine. Seeing bite-sized horror from some directors we know and love and others that whet our appetite for something bigger from them, "V/H/S/" allows this freedom to develop. As it is with each film, there's some great shorts and some terrible, and others that fall in-between. Sadly "V/H/S/85" has more terrible and unmemorable ones as opposed to great,...

You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah Starring Sunny Sandler, Adam Sandler, Samantha Lorraine, Idina Menzel Directed by Sammi Cohen For anyone who thinks life is hard, try going back in time to prepubescence. When you thought your whole world was falling apart when your best friend kisses your crush. When you feel like your innocence is being lost in the process of becoming an adult. It's an extremely difficult time and the fact that people make it through that is no easy feat. Countless films have focused on this tumultuous time in a kid's life (and personally I think "Eighth Grade" does it best), and now it's time for Adam Sandler to get a chance at it. Thankfully it doesn't end up like the majority of his other Netflix specials, but rather becomes an endearing, poignant, emotional, and extremely well performed. I guess the last part shouldn't be a surprise because not only is Adam Sandler in it, but so is his wife and two daughters, so you feel the e...

Appendage Starring Hadley Robinson, Emily Hampshire, Brandon Mychal Smith, Kausar Mohammed Directed by Anna Zlovovic Horror movies work on a deeper level when it focuses on real life horrors and turn them into something that's equally terrifying on a real life level as well as a supernatural one. "The Babadook" is an intense study on grief and resentment wrapped around an intriguing mystery of an evil book that brings to life a demonic two-dimensional being. "It Follows" focuses on the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases through the story of an entity that follows you silently, and if it touches you, you die in a terrible fashion. While films like this work and have elevated the horror genre, others have tried to leave their imprint but haven't been as successful - and "Appendage" is one of those. Hannah (Hadley Robinson) is a troubled woman. She has a terrible relationship with her wealthy, emotionally distant parents. She's a fashion des...

The Creator Starring John David Washington, Madeleine Yuna Voyles, Gemma Chan, Allison Janney Directed by Gareth Edwards Stop me if you've heard this before. In a dystopian world after a major war, a child of great promise is chosen to bring everyone back together again, but in order to do this he/she must be taken to a particular place while being hunted by a militant army led by a hard-nosed, no-nonsense general who won't listen to general reason. Delivering said child is a reluctant father (or sometimes mother) figure type who has gone through pain and loss in his life and those pains have hardened his heart to the point where he's essentially lost hope in humanity - until he meets this chosen one, who slowly opens his heart up to feeling love again. You might think this is the idea for "Terminator," "The Last of Us," "Midnight Special," and, heck, even "The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon" - and it's also the idea for Gareth Edwards...

It Lives Inside Starring Megan Suri, Neeru Baiwa, Mohana Krishnan, Betty Gabriel Directed by Bishal Dutta The teen coming-of-age concept in cinema spans all the genres. For comedy it's dealing with some overbearing family members while trying to fall in love but having hapless situations keep getting in the way. For drama it's dealing with a traumatic loss at an early age and trying to assimilate into a world without that special someone. Action-wise the teens embark on an adventure that changes their lives forever. For horror, the coming-of-age concept goes much deeper, delving into more emotional levels than the other genres do, and introduces us to newfound horrors that are real, imaginary, and the bi-product of our innermost fears and turmoils. "It Lives Inside" is one such film, a original story (that sadly follows the non-original horror beats) that introduces the world as a whole to a new evil demonic presence rooted not in the traditional Christian viewpoint b...