JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Saw X Starring Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith, Synnove Macody Lund, Steven Brand Directed by Kevin Greutert Back in 2004, a film called "Saw" revolutionized horror cinema and gave birth to a new subgenre known as "torture porn" that centers on sadistic violence and torture. The story of "Saw" is intriguing and multi-layered, as it's not your typical horror movie. The "villain" so to speak never actually kills anyone, but he gives them a choice - live or die, and if they choose to live they'll appreciate their lives even more after what he puts them through to "cleanse" them of their sins. These "victims" aren't innocents, but rather people who deserved what they got and more, but in the hands of John Kramer they're given another shot at life along the straight and narrow path. The second film excels at this theory, but then the third film all the way down the line abandons this thought in favor of full-on torture vi...

 My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 Starring Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Louis Mandylor, Elena Kampouris Directed by Nia Vardalos In 2002, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" became one of the most financially successful movies of all time, earning over $360 million dollars worldwide on a budget of $5 million. It was a once-in-a-cinematic-career lifetime, but writer Nia Vardalos has tried to ride that wave ever since. First there was the series "My Big Fat Greek Life" which didn't even last a season, and then "My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2" in 2016, which still made over $90 million worldwide which is nothing to sneeze at, but nowhere near the phenomena that the original had. Now the family is back for the (hopefully) final outing, and along with the law of diminishing returns, the story itself is diminished so much it was more a labor to trudge through it instead of a labor of love. After the death of the patriarch of the Portokalos family, Toula (Nia Vardalos) gathers t...

No One Will Save You Starring Kaitlyn Dever, Ginger Cressman, Zack Duhame, Geraldine Singer Directed by Brian Duffield There's nothing scarier than a home invasion. The place you feel most safe, most secure, most welcomed. When that safety is shattered by someone invading your home it's something that you never fully recover from, and find yourself living in fear even in the place you used to go to for safety. While that's scary enough, what would happen if the home invader is something not of this world? Brynn Adams (Kaitlyn Devers) is living alone in her family home set far away from the small town she lives in, and doesn't venture out into town because of an event that happened years earlier between herself and her former best friend Maude that resulted in the entire town hating her. She lives an isolated life, writing notes to Maude, building miniature birdhouses, and solitary dancing. All is tranquil for her, until one night someone breaks into her home. Thinking i...

Expend4bles Starring Jason Statham, Sylvester Stallone, Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson, Megan Fox Directed by Scott Waugh To paraphrase Nick Fury from "The Avengers"..."There was an idea, Sylvester Stallone knows this, called 'The Expendables.' The idea was to bring together a group of 80s action heroes to see if they still got what it takes to helm a blockbuster movie. See if it could work by adding some new action blood when needed to fight the battles that most action stars nowadays never could." The concept worked extremely well in 2010 when you gathered the likes of legendary action stars Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren and Eric Roberts and combine them with current action stars Jason Statham, Jet Li, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, and Terry Crews and craft a film that's low on script design but heavy on good ole fashion shooting and stabbings. The result was "The Expendables," and i...

A Haunting in Venice Starring Kenneth Branagh, Tina Fey, Jamie Dornan, Michelle Yeoh Directed by Kenneth Branagh Agatha Christie is one of the best detective novelists of all time, giving birth to the classic detective Hercule Poirot, and having him solve crimes that would go unsolved by anyone else due to him using psychology and his understanding of human nature to find his killer. He's been played on the big screen numerous times, and most recently by Kenneth Branagh in two films - the legendary "Murder on the Orient Express" and the also well-known "Death on the Nile." Now he returns for his third outing in "A Haunting in Venice," and unlike his other two iterations, this book adaptation was never put on screen before. It also takes a lot of liberties that the others didn't in crafting its own unique story while still holding true to Christie's legendary work. Happily in retirement, Hercule Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) is approached by his frie...

The Nun II Starring Taissa Farmiga, Jonas Bloquet, Storm Reid, Anna Popplewell Directed by Michael Chaves Have you ever looked back at your past and think to yourself, "I can't believe I did that." Be it an odd hairdo, some terrible clothing styles, or a past relationship - who hasn't looked back at their past and wondered why they did the things they did? For me it was looking back at my review for "The Nun" back in 2018. Now I don't necessarily despise it, but I find it to be one of the weaker outings in the struggling "The Conjuring" franchise, so I figured I gave the film a C+ at best - only to discover somehow, someway, I gave it an A? What was I thinking? Thankfully I won't be making that same mistake with the sequel...bar NUN (hehe). Years after Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) thought she sent the demon Valak (Bonnie Aarons) back to hell (but only succeeded in sending the demon into the body of groundskeeper Maurice), Valak - through M...

The Equalizer 3 Starring Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, Eugenio Mastrandrea, David Denman Directed by Antoine Fuqua There's been an unfortunate trend in films nowadays where it seems that even the most basic of stories needs at least two and a half hours of runtime to tell it, no matter how easy the story is. Take for example "God is a Bullet." The film is basically about a father finding his daughter who was kidnapped by an evil cult. The film could've been done in an hour and a half, maybe an hour forty tops - but instead it ran for an excruciatingly long two hours and thirty six minutes. Throughout that time the story circled in on itself, plots went nowhere, characters didn't really develop, and it was a complete waste of time. That's not the case for the third (and possibly final) "Equalizer" film. It runs for a respectable one hour and forty nine minutes, and there's not a second that's wasted on screen. The action flows seamlessly,...