Jungle Cruise

Jungle Cruise
Starring Dwayne Johnson, Emily Blunt, Jack Whitehall, Jesse Plemons
Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra
Disney is known for being a multi-billion dollar (or possibly multi-trillion, or whatever money amount is higher than trillion, I'm not going to look it up) corporation that will sell its literal soul to make more money by turning whatever they can find into a hopeful profit. Not even the rides at Disneyland are safe from the greedy hands of the corporation who has turned some of its famous (and sometimes infamous) rides into big-budget films, but most of them fell completely flat ("The Haunted Mansion," "Tomorrowland," and that abysmal "Country Bears") and bombed terribly. Then there was "Pirates of the Caribbean," and they realized that they had a money-making franchise on their hands that they'll literally plow into the ground. Capitalizing on the concept of water and quirky captains, it was only a matter of time before they brought out their Jungle Cruise ride to the big screen, and it finally came in the form of...well..."Jungle Cruise," starring Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt. While this film is miles above the other lesser-known Disney ride movies, it doesn't capture the wide-eyed wonder that "Pirates" did, but it's still a fun ride.

In the 16th Century, Spanish Conquistadors led by Aguierre (Edgar Ramirez) set out to South America to find the fabled Tears of the Moon - a tree whose pedals can cure any sickness and lift any curse. They betray the local tribesmen who curse the men to never die and never be able to leave the river. In 1916, adventurer Dr. Lily Houghton (Emily Blunt) wants to find the Tears of the Moon in order to help mankind, and enlists the help of her offbeat brother MacGregor (Jack Whitehall) to do it, but they're not the only ones in search for it. Prince Joachim (Jesse Plemons) wishes to also find the Tears of the Moon to help the Germans win the war, and leads a military expedition to claim it for himself.

Upon arriving in the Amazon, Lily meets Frank Wolff (Dwayne Johnson), a scrupulous but noble captain who leads tours through the jungle on his boat, but continually falls short of money. Although he lies about his identity at first, Lily is impressed with his skills and hires him to take them to find the Tears of the Moon, and despite his vocal misgivings about the actual existence of the Tears of the Moon, it seems that he's also in search of it. A cat-and-mouse game ensues as both groups attempt to reach the Tears of the Moon first, and also combat Aguierre and his undead Conquistadors, who also seek the pedals to reverse their own curse.

"Jungle Cruise" is a fun, adventurous, classic-style action film that doesn't waste a lot of time with expository dialogue but sets off right away for the quest of the fabled MacGuffin, which in this case is the Tears of the Moon. It's a straightforward story that trudges along like a rattled steamboat following its due course that never deviates from its path, but provides enough action and charisma from the two main leads to not make it a complete waste of time, despite knowing the eventual outcome.

Dwayne Johnson has enough clout and charisma in his pinky finger to easily maintain a big-budget spectacle, and he effortlessly breezes through his performance here. He's no Johnny Depp, but you'll easily fall in love with this tough outer shell but heart of gold character who provides more dad jokes than a dad joke book, but also showcases his traditional action prowess with surprising grace and effort. He isn't one to really change characters from film to film, and undoubtedly you'll realize that this is simply Dwayne Johnson doing Dwayne Johnson things in a Dwayne Johnson film.

His fodder this time comes in the form of Emily Blunt, who steals the show as the headstrong Dr. Lily Houghton, a woman who's not very agile or intelligent in the ways of traditional combat fighting, but more than manages to hold her own in the action department as she thinks quick on her feet to get her out of any situation, as long as it doesn't involve swimming, which proves problematic since what she's looking for lies somewhere along the Amazon river. Blunt balances her British wit with quirky humor that's endearing and surprisingly not annoying. The chemistry between Blunt and Johnson is more of a sibling rivalry than repressed love, even though the film tries to ship this romance later on in the film, but the best moments come when the two try to one-up the other by proving who's really smarter and who's really in control (more often than not Johnson looses in these fights).

"Jungle Cruise" falls under the generic trap of the traditional storytelling, where you know the eventual outcome and every beat it takes to get there, and gives off vibes of other movies like "National Treasure," "The Mummy," "Raiders of the Lost Ark," "Romancing the Stone," and most notably "The African Queen," and it doesn't really find a way to make itself unique, but somewhat nonexclusive. The CGI is pretty awful too, which is a surprise because they had another year to work on it due to the shut-downs due to Covid, but the final outcome provides some cringy CGI (especially with Frank's pet jaguar) mixed in with a final fight between our heroes and the Conquistadors who are now completely CGI-rendered to look like a mix between human and nature that reminds you of the God-awful CGI done to Dwayne Johnson himself in "The Mummy Returns." Also, the last half of the film feels completely slow and counter-intuitive to the first, where it just drags on with many times that the film could've logically concluded but it keeps on going. Still, those are small issues with a film that on the whole is enjoyable, funny, fun, and exciting. It's just not entirely memorable, and not one you'd probably pay to stand in line for again after experiencing it once. 

Led by the charismatic duo of Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt, "Jungle Cruise" is a fun filled action family adventure film that's cliched and predictable, but provides just enough thrills to entertain for one go-around.

The Score: B+

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