Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins
Starring Henry Golding, Andrew Koji, Haruka Abe, Takehiro Hira
Directed by Robert Schwentke

The Marvel Cinematic Universe isn't the first franchise to interconnect a series of different films featuring different characters into a unified whole, but it's one of the most successful. Ever since 2008's "Iron Man," they've slowly amassed a series of films that coherently (more or less) tell a unified story, and ever since then other franchises have tried their hand at a shared universe. Some - like the DCEU - have had moderate success, while others - like the Dark Universe - fell flat on its face. Regardless, it seems like everyone wants to develop their own successful MCU by sacrificing unique, original stories in the hopes of possibly making something bigger in the future. "Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins" is one such film, a movie that could've stood on its own with a powerful story, but instead served as the opening chapter of a wannabe "G.I. Joe" shared universe that - judging from the reception and success of this film - probably won't happen.

Snake Eyes (Henry Golding) witnessed his father being murdered when he was a child, and ever since vowed vengeance against the man who killed him. As the years progressed, he was taken in by Kenta (Takehiro Hira), a deadly Yakuza leader who trained Snake Eyes in the martial arts. He promises Snake Eyes that he will deliver his father's killer to him, but first he must kill a traitor named Tommy (Andrew Koji), who also happens to be Kenta's cousin. Snake Eyes refuses, and he and Tommy go on the run, being chased by Kenta and his Yakuza. Tommy takes Snake Eyes to his home in Tokyo, which is a ninja dojo known as Clan Arashikage, a home of ninjas trained to fight for truth and order. Although Tommy holds Snake Eyes in high regard, he's an outsider to the group and falls under the scrutiny of the head of security Akiko (Haruka Abe), until he's able to prove himself worthy by completing three challenges. Meanwhile, Kenta is on their heels and also seeks the powerful ancient artifact the Clan Arashikage holds that could give him - and Cobra, the company he works for - unlimited power.

As a child of the 80s, I was obsessed with "G.I. Joe," owning every toy and watching every episode on Saturday mornings. I knew Duke, Scarlett, Snake Eyes, and the rest of the crew like they were my best friends. However, as I got older, Hollywood decided to capitalize on the magic of the past and release movies based off the best the 80s had to offer, with mostly disastrous results. Michael Bay's "Transformers" franchise has very little to do with nostalgia and more to do with large robots fighting one another continually. The first two "G.I. Joe" films were simply forgettable, a jumbled mess of lowbrow action and generic comedic moments that are difficult to remember due to their simplicity. Yet every franchise wants to be the next MCU, so "G.I. Joe" decided to re-energize itself by focusing on one of their most popular heroes to kickstart a new franchise, but much like their first two outings, it's unmemorable in its generic storytelling, over-bloated repetitive expository dialogue, the universal search for a famed MacGuffin, and its PG-13 sword fighting that defies physics.

There seems to be a pattern for every superhero origin movie, and it's become incredibly stale, but unfortunately no one told that to anyone working with this production, as every single beat of the storytelling hinged on generic tropes:
-Every hero has a start, and it's usually birthed from tragedy, and Snake Eyes is no exception. His father was murdered before his young eyes, and ever since then he's been fueled by vengeance.
-Every hero struggles with being a hero as opposed to achieving their somewhat anti-hero tendencies, and again Snake Eyes falls into this trap as he struggles with being a worthy ninja and wanting his father's killer to face his blade.
-Every hero story involves a montage of training that'll prove his worth, and again Snake Eyes holds to the rule as he must perform three tasks to prove himself worthy of joining the Clan Arashikage.
-Every hero acquires a new name to announce their presence ("I am Iron Man," "I'm Star-Lord," "That makes you the Scarlet Witch!"), and again Snake Eyes holds the line by giving himself that name after he rolled snake eyes that resulted in his father being murdered.

Aside from the generic storytelling, there's countless amounts of dialogue that repeat themselves as they also repeatedly tell the audience what's happening, probably because they think that the audience has fallen asleep. If you're playing a drinking game every time you hear Snake Eyes talk about avenging his father, Tommy mentioning honor and loyalty, or Akiko telling Snake Eyes she doesn't trust him, you'll be pronounced dead on the scene from alcohol poisoning before the halfway mark. The film could've been shortened by at least thirty minutes (as opposed to its overly-long two hour runtime) by cutting out several of these unnecessary moments, and it could've turned out into something better.

Films like this are also all about the search for a MacGuffin (an object, device, or event that is necessary to the plot and the motivation of the characters, but insignificant, unimportant, or irrelevant in itself), and "Snake Eyes" again stays in line with that archaic logic. This time it's the fabled Jewel of the Sun, which is a glowing rock that gives its owner the ability to set fire to anything it comes into contact with, including humans, and somehow this is the thing that will give Cobra supreme power somehow. Of course it's guarded at the Clan Arashikage, and Kenta will stop at nothing to get it, blah blah blah. Honestly, this whole outing reminds me of cheesy, corny 90s action films that I can't even remember their names at this point.

Then there's the sword fighting, which is accustomed to a film centering around ninjas, but since this is a PG-13 family-friendly adventure, even these exciting moments are incredibly neutered. When you strike someone with a sword, it doesn't just leave a scratch, but heads, limbs, and innards will come off a person's body. Here, there's not even a drop of blood to be seen with each blow, and while the swordsmanship is impressive, it defies logic and physics that we don't see any real violence come out of it.

Henry Golding is a charming, charismatic leading man who headlined 2018's hit romantic comedy "Crazy Rich Asians," as well as serving as a lovable old soul in 2019's "Last Christmas," but has also proved himself a worthy action adversary in Guy Ritchie's 2020 action film "The Gentlemen." You'd expect a man of this caliber would be able to portray Snake Eyes with grace and finesse, but he was given a lackluster script and worked with what he had, but ultimately fell into generic territory (especially considering the original Snake Eyes didn't talk, and was covered with a black visored bike helmet). An origin story is supposed to tell how he comes into his own, but it only serves as the launchpad for the future "G.I. Joe" spinoffs and totally wastes a complex, thoughtful character, and worse, it wastes the talent of Henry Golding.

"Snake Eyes" could've held its own if it wasn't this so-called launchpad for the future "G.I. Joe" Extended Universe, but instead it merely served as the opening chapter of a very short book to be written (more than likely serving as the opening and closing chapters if you think about it). There's even two Nick Furies in this film in the characters of G.I. Joe Scarlett (played by Samara Weaving, who's also underutilized) and Cobra's Baroness (Ursula Corbero, who's the only person to see the film for the mess it was and hams up the villainous role beautifully), who set out to increase both their numbers by recruiting Snake Eyes and Tommy respectfully to join their clans for future clashes. However, again with the woeful beginning this film had (a dismal 40% Rotten Tomatoes rating, and $13 million opening weekend), I won't expect to see a sequel anytime soon, and I'd be alright with burying another former cherished childhood memory instead of seeing its rotting carcass being dug up to throw on the big screen for some hopeful big bucks.

Setting itself up more for a springboard for the future "G.I. Joe" universe, "Snake Eyes" falls into all the generic tropes of an origin story and wastes the talent of Henry Golding in an unmemorable, forgettable, weak action movie.

The Score: C-