JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Old Starring Vicky Krieps, Gael Garcia Bernal, Rufus Sewell, Alex Wolff Directed by M. Night Shyamalan When you ask people what their biggest fear is, you're bound to expect the classic answers: heights, spiders, enclosed spaces, your in-laws. There's another answer that many people answer with when asked this question: getting old. Its not the thought of aging that's often the fear, but the regrets that comes with getting older. You look back when you age and think of all the things you didn't get to do, the missed opportunities, the valued time you should've spent with loved ones before they passed away. "Old" should've been a film filled with intense dramatic moments such as this, but instead it stays to the typical Shyamalan model of showcasing absolutely no emotions but everyone acting like robots as they blindly, blandly traverse the meager script handed to them as the film itself feels so long you'd think you aged a few years by the end of i...

Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins Starring Henry Golding, Andrew Koji, Haruka Abe, Takehiro Hira Directed by Robert Schwentke The Marvel Cinematic Universe isn't the first franchise to interconnect a series of different films featuring different characters into a unified whole, but it's one of the most successful. Ever since 2008's "Iron Man," they've slowly amassed a series of films that coherently (more or less) tell a unified story, and ever since then other franchises have tried their hand at a shared universe. Some - like the DCEU - have had moderate success, while others - like the Dark Universe - fell flat on its face. Regardless, it seems like everyone wants to develop their own successful MCU by sacrificing unique, original stories in the hopes of possibly making something bigger in the future. "Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins" is one such film, a movie that could've stood on its own with a powerful story, but instead served as the opening chapt...

The Tomorrow War Starring Chris Pratt, Yvonne Strahovski, J.K. Simmons, Betty Gilpin Directed by Chris McKay Alien invasion films are nothing new, and neither are films dealing with time travel. "The Tomorrow War" tries to blend these two subgenres together to provide an action-packed spectacle, but it just turns into an overly long caricature of what it wanted to be. Instead of pulse pounding suspense, action, and blowout effects, the film instead gives overly long performances, generic action sequences, and CGI that's often as bad as a SyFy Original when seen from afar, and not even the charisma Chris Pratt oozes could save it from mediocrity. Former Green Beret First Sergeant Dan Forester (Chris Pratt) is now living his mundane suburban life with his wife Emmy (Betty Gilpin) and daughter Muri (Ryan Kiera), and is now working as a science teacher at a local high school, yet he still believes that he can offer something to better humankind. While watching a soccer game, ...

False Positive Starring Ilana Glazer, Justin Theroux, Pierce Brosnan, Gretchen Mol Directed by John Lee Ever since Roman Polanski's epic horror masterpiece "Rosemary's Baby" hit the big screen in 1968, any would-be expecting mother horror film to follow has to live in its insurmountable shadow. Even when you try to stray away from the traditional tropes, there's obvious parallels to "Rosemary's Baby" that can't be denied, and it's even worse when a film tries in a sense to give a modern re-telling of the film. While "False Positive" doesn't seem to wholly encapsulate this, the parallels between the two are stronger than most, and while it does offer an important message about the male-dominated world of fertility clinics, it doesn't quite stick the landing in lieu of presenting an off-the-wall conclusion that's utterly insane and unbelievable. Married couple Lucy (Ilana Glazer) and Adrian (Justin Theroux) Martin have bee...

Escape Room: Tournament of Champions Starring Taylor Russell, Logan Miller, Holland Roden, Indya Moore Directed by Adam Robitel The concept of Escape Rooms were much more in demand before Covid-19, but due to obvious reasons they've fallen by the wayside in the past year. People don't want to touch things that've been touched over and over by other people before them, confining people in a small room, and all that anymore. Yet the novelty of an Escape Room is still as entertaining as ever, which was what propelled the original 2019 "Escape Room" to earn enough money to warrant an unnecessary sequel. Now, however, it feels more like a throwback to a bygone era, where Escape Rooms were all the rage and everyone was doing them (although now they might be picking back up again), and much like the nostalgia of pre-Covid days, "Tournament of Champions" relies on the past to try to bring forward the future, and in the end we get a film that's parallel to th...

Space Jam: A New Legacy Starring LeBron James, Don Cheadle, Cedric Joe, Sonequa Martin-Green Directed by Malcolm D. Lee 1996's "Space Jam" was an enjoyable little film where superstar basketball player Michael Jordan is transported to the world of Looney Tunes and must play a high-stakes game of basketball with the Tunes in order to save themselves from enslavement at an evil man's amusement park. It wasn't great by any stretch of the imagination, but it was fun, funny, and filled with heart and humor. Ever since, there's been ideas pitched to Warner Bros. about a possible sequel (including ideas like "Race Jam" with Jeff Gordon, "Golf Jam" with Tiger Woods, and "Skate Jam" with Tony Hawk), but none of them thankfully came to fruition. When it looked like they had finally given up on providing a lackluster sequel to a beloved original, LeBron James was cast in the new "Space Jam: A New Legacy," and the results turned out...

The Forever Purge Starring Ana de la Reguera, Tenoch Huerta, Josh Lucas, Cassidy Freeman Directed by Everado Gout "The Purge" franchise is an enigma in itself, yet wrapped up in a nice, concise package that everyone can easily understand. The pure concept of the films is that America needs a day where all crime, including murder, is legal so everyone can get their frustrations and grievances out for twelve hours, while maintaining a sense of security for the other 364 days of the year. Yet it's obvious that this isn't the main point of the films, or the idea of the Purge in the films itself, but rather a struggle between the wealthy and the poor, and the unrestricted access the government has on its citizens. Giving them a false sense of freedom in taking out your vendettas one day out of the year allows the government itself to come in undetected and eliminate those they feel aren't worthy of living in the great country of America. This has been told in previous ...

The Boss Baby: Family Business Starring Alec Baldwin, James Marsden, Amy Sedaris, Jeff Goldblum Directed by Tom McGrath There's a saying in the business world: "a meeting that could've been an email." Basically, it means that there was a long, drawn out, oftentimes boring and incoherent meeting that the underlings have to sit through for the big bosses to reveal something that could've easily been told through email with quick, painless (and often instantly deleted) results. It's unnecessary, unwarranted, and uninspired. "The Boss Baby: Family Business" is the movie version of this saying. It was long, drawn out, boring, incoherent, unnecessary, unwarranted, and absolutely uninspired. A (too long) gestating sequel that resulted in lame, unfunny jokes that were too far above the heads of children and even farther above the heads of the poor adults who had to sit through this mess in order to appease the little ones - if even the little ones managed to...

Black Widow Starring Scarlett Johansson, Florence Pugh, David Harbour, Rachel Weisz Directed by Cate Shortland Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow was one of the most underrused original Avengers in the MCU, along with her fellow spy/assassin Clint Barton/Hawkeye. When you're in a world filled with billionaire playboy philanthropists who design super suits, super soldiers with a Vibranium Frisbee, literal gods from other worlds, and big green hulking brutes, people aren't as interested in mere humans with guns and arrows, and both their roles were relegated to side characters or support for the "bigger" names. As the years progressed, however, cries for a solo Black Widow were chanting louder, and it literally took Black Widow sacrificing herself in "Avengers: Endgame" to finally get her own solo outing - a little late, but better than never. As the kick-start for Marvel's Phase Four program, "Black Widow" proves that our favorite Russian assassin-tur...

Another Round Starring Mads Mikkelsen, Thomas Bo Larsen, Lars Ranthe, Magnus Millang Directed by Thomas Vinterberg In one of the classic "The Simpsons" episodes, Springfield was hit with a Prohibition-style mandate that made alcohol illegal, and of course Homer found a way to smuggle alcohol in anyway. As with the real-life repeal of Prohibition, this too happens in the fictional town, with the entire community celebrating by - of course - getting drunk. Homer then proclaims: "To alcohol! The cause of...and solution to...all of life's problems." If you're looking for a feature-length film that fully encapsulates this concept, "Another Round" is right up your alley - and it's got a strong pedigree that firmly establishes it as something more than a mere tale, but elevates it to a must-see modern-day masterwork. Friends and fellow teachers Martin (Mads Mikkelsen), Tommy (Thomas Bo Larsen), Peter (Lars Ranthe), and Nikolaj (Magnus Millang) are in ...

Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard Starring Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas Directed by Patrick Hughes In 2017, "The Hitman's Bodyguard" brought together a duo made in F-ing heaven: Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson, and the result was nothing short of devilishly divine: a curse-laden razor sharp script delivered with precise comedic timing highlighting the fundamentally funny aspects of international espionage. The film was also a modest success with earning over $127 million worldwide, and it was only a matter of time before a sequel was churned out. With a longer delay due to Covid, "The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard" finally hit theaters, and much like with other sequels, it's a pale comparison to its more hilarious, zany, and well-thought-out pedigree. Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) is still coming to terms with loosing his triple-A rating as a bodyguard after taking a bullet for notorious hitman Darius Kincaid (Samue...

  Nobody Starring Bob Odenkirk, Connie Nielsen, Aleksei Serebryakov, Christopher Lloyd Directed by Ilya Naishuller There's hardly anyone in the world who doesn't wish that they were someone more daring and adventurous. So often we go through our daily mundane routines without experiencing anything exciting, anything that we see in our favorite action movies and television shows, but we also have that itch to do something outside of our comfort zones, and we often wonder what would happen in hypothetical scenarios. What would we do if someone broke into our home and threatened our family? What would we do if we saw an innocent person getting verbally accosted by a rowdy group of drunk Russians? Would we fight, or would we just sit back and watch it happen as a helpless citizen? "Nobody" looks to answer that question through the eyes of "John Everyman," a family man who goes through a boring, day-to-day routine, but who finds his life upended by a night of ter...