Mortal Engines

Mortal Engines

Starring Hera Hilmar, Robert Sheehan, Hugo Weaving, Jihae

Directed by Christian Rivers

The Story:
Decades after the Ancients destroyed the world in sixty minutes, civilization now lives on moving cities, and roam the countryside looking to devour other cities for their resources.  The biggest of these predator cities is London, under the direction of Thaddeus Valentine (Hugo Weaving), who wishes to collect enough ancient items to create a weapon of mass destruction.

Hester Shaw (Hera Hilmar) is a girl with a chip on her shoulder, bent on killing Valentine for killing her mother when she was eight years old, and finally finds her shot, but is stopped by London resident Tom Natsworthy (Robert Sheehan), who thinks Valentine is a good guy.  After she escapes, Valentine pushes Tom over a ledge because he heard that he had killed Hester's mother, and the two become allies as they try to find a way back to London to stop Valentine.  Along the way they're hunted by an undead robot named Shrike (Stephen Lang) who has a sordid past with Hester, and they're aided by a group led by rebel Anna Fang (Jihae), who know Hester has the secret to destroy the machine before it destroys the world.  Again.

The Synopsis:
When I first saw the trailer, I thought to myself that this was going to be an all-style-no-substance film, filled to the brim with overwhelming CGI and action set pieces that doesn't give birth to any sort of incoherent narrative.  I really hate it when I'm right.

Based off a YA novel by Phillip Reeve and written for the screen by the "Lord of the Rings" trio Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and Philippa Boyens (they really like to point that out in all the advertisements, basically trying to say "I know this movie sucks, but look!  It was written by the 'Lord of the Rings' people!  So it can't be all that bad!"), the film is better described as taking "Star Wars," "Lord of the Rings," Steampunk, and every single Hayao Miyazaki film, putting them in a blender, drinking said drink, and then regurgitating what came up onto the screen.  While the visuals were exceptional, there was absolutely no substance to the story, becoming as dry bones as the villainous cyborg-robot-former human-thing that hunted Hester through the desolate wasteland.

Basically, the Ancients (spoiler alert, it was us) destroyed the world in sixty minutes with a buttload of strong bombs that turned whatever it hit into a black hole of some kind, and now society has resorted to living on moving cities that travel the uninhabitable countryside looking to devour smaller cities for their resources.  London is the most powerful, and it is quite impressive to see - kind of like a live-action version of Miyazaki's "Howl's Moving Castle" - and on the inside there's the evil Valentine, who wishes to once again take over the world by collecting ancient artifacts to build another one of those classic bombs, because after decades no one has found a way to make a better weapon.

Going back in time, we witness Valentine killing a woman - also known as Hester Shaw's mother - who has a piece to destroy the weapon forever (as obviously, Hester was bestowed it before the mother's untimely end), and now Hester has returned with a chip on her shoulder, planning on killing Valentine for killing her mother, totally oblivious to the fact that she holds a literal key to stopping a doomsday device.  She's too focused on revenge, and as most girls of this ilk do, is brooding, mysterious, never trusting anyone, and constantly angry (you can tell from the several sideways shots of the heroine, always looking grumpy).  She thinks she gets her shot, but is stopped by the dim-witted and bumbling historian Tom Natsworthy, who has the hots for Valentine's daughter.  After Hester escapes, Valentine then pulls a "300" and pushes Tom off a cliff because he learned Valentine's dark secret, and now the two will have to work together to survive and of course fall in love, because again that's how things roll here.

Meanwhile, Valentine finds someone else who hates Hester Shaw, a human-turned-robot-I-think named Shrike, who is visually impressive and surprisingly frightening in the context of this largely dull film.  He's tall, menacing looking, clomps around with fearful sound, and has deadly glowing green eyes, and is totally imposing.  This is one of the few positives of the film, but not even he can save this disastrous mess.

The other saving grace of the film is in resistance leader Anna Fang, played by South Korea singer Jihae, who's basically the butt-kicking femme fatale this film needed from the start.  She's no-nonsense, highly intelligent, supremely capable, and looks totally BA.  If the film had her as the lead instead of Hester, it would've gone a lot better.

Newcomer Hera Hilmar is tasked with holding down the fort as the lead Hester, and she drops the ball more than a no-armed man trying to play basketball.  As mentioned earlier, her sole job is basically to look ticked off, not trust anyone (until, of course, she opens her cold heart to her largely lame counterpart), get caught off guard every second, and slowly unravel to the audience her "tragic past."  Everything about her screams "GENERIC" and it's quite unfortunate that the film relies on her to tell the story.

Not much better is her hapless sidekick Tom, played by Robert Sheehan.  When we first meet him, he's trying to get to his job but running into everyone, and basically serves as a bumbling fool.  He's attracted to Valentine's daughter (a complete waste of time, a side story involving her and another Londoner is completely pointless and only served as longer cannon fodder for this already overly bloated mess), and adores Valentine because...he's in charge, sort of?  So this heart-of-gold guy is left with Hester after being betrayed by Valentine, and although he does exhibit some skills, he's pretty much there for comedic effect and also as an eventual love interest for our heroine.  No more, no less, and we don't care.

Hugo Weaving does his classic Hugo Weaving villain character, showcasing Valentine as a man with a mission - to become the most powerful person in the world.  He will stop at nothing, do anything, kill anyone, yadda yadda yadda.

The Steampunk aspects of the film are fun to see, the cinematography is surprisingly on point (I actually wouldn't be surprised to see it garner some Oscar nominations for its effects...hey, "Suicide Squad" won an Oscar after all), and there's a couple side characters that are intriguing and fascinating, but overall this is just a bloated mess of predictability that isn't worth the price of admission.

The Summary:
The simplest way to describe "Mortal Engines" is this - take "Star Wars," "Lord of the Rings," Steampunk, and every single Hayao Miyazaki film, put them in a blender, drinking said drink, and then regurgitate what came up onto the screen.


The Score: D+