The Dark Tower
The Dark Tower
Starring Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor, Claudia Kim
Directed by Nikolaj Arcel
The Story:
In New York, young Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) has been having strange visions of a different world, a dark tower, a Man in Black (Matthew McConaughey), and the Gunslinger (Idris Elba). When he finds a portal to a different world, he finds that his dreams are actually reality, and comes into contact with the Gunslinger, Roland Deschain.
Roland tells Jake that the Man in Black - whose name is Walter - is set on destroying the dark tower, which protects all worlds against a deadly evil. Walter goes in search of Jake because he has the biggest psychic ability he's seen, and can use that to destroy the tower for good, while Roland sets out to kill Walter for killing his father.
The Synopsis:
When Peter Jackson first approached the Weinstein Company about his vision for "Lord of the Rings," they originally wanted him to condense all three books into one movie. Thankfully, he moved on to New Line, and he went on to direct three of the most monumental, powerful, and utterly amazing films in recent decades.
Unfortunately, Nikolaj Arcel didn't have that same presence of mind. When it comes to "The Dark Tower," it's been a Stephen King fanboy's dream to see it done right in film, but that's an epic thing to wish for. There's eight books to follow, and King managed to tie in his other works (including "Bag of Bones," "The Stand," "Hearts in Atlantis" and "Salem's Lot") into the narrative. What came out was a series of critically acclaimed novels by one of horror's best writers, and an idea that had been tossed around in Hollywood for well over twenty years.
It seemed like the books would never see the light of the cinema, but finally Arcel managed to get in the director's chair and churn out "The Dark Tower." At first I was totally excited for the project, especially since it also starred Idris Elba and Oscar winner Matthew McConaughey. I figured this would just be the beginning of an epic series of movies...until I learned it would be the ONLY movie. Alright. Maybe it can still be salvaged if the movie is at least two hours and thirty min...oh, the movie is only 95 minutes?
The script is so bare bones, so stupid, so simplistic, so idiotic that it could've been written by just about anyone. We never find out much about this tower - where it came from, who made it, why it holds the worlds together, WHAT it holds the worlds together from, who's guarding it, who's in charge of it, what the wallpaper looks like on the inside - NOTHING. The Gunslinger has severe daddy issues and only wants to kill Walter for killing his father, and he doesn't care at all about the tower falling and the reign of darkness that comes with it. Walter just goes around sullen and emotionless as he plays CSI: Dark Tower in search of Jake and the Gunslinger. Jake is a pitiful boy who lost his father and is looking for a new daddy figure. That's about all the story we get on anything, and it's not a whole lot.
When the movie starts, Jake is already having dreams. Why is he dreaming these dreams? Where did his powers come from? Who gave him his powers? Is he of this world or theirs? What did he eat for breakfast? None of these questions are answered. The Gunslinger's world is already pretty much destroyed, but by whom? How was it destroyed? Why was it destroyed? Who are these skin people who wear other people's skin? Where did they get that skin? Why should we care? Again, questions without answers. The Man in Black wants to kill the Gunslinger. Why? Where did his powers come from? What are his limitations, if he has any? How did he develop his powers? How much was McConaughey offered to star in this? Again, no answers.
So we got a terrible story with the most obvious, Hollywood-approved ending you could see coming from the first second you step into the theater. Maybe the effects will be worth it? Nope. The best sequences are seen in the trailer, and the ones we see on screen look a bit above a SyFy Original Crapfest, but not by much. The CGI is already outdated, and looked like it sat on a shelf for five years before being released. It's easily laughable.
The trailer looks like it'd be an exciting, action-packed adventure, but probably about 40% of the trailer isn't even in the movie at all, and I'm sure it'll be released in some "special Blu-Ray edition with several minutes of unseen footage." No thanks.
The small saving grace is Elba himself, being the glue that tries to hold everything together, but try as he may, it just isn't happening. He gives a great performance for the little he's been given, and you can tell he's really trying to rise above the train wreck that this film offered. While his final scenes are the most exciting in the film, it's not enough. Not even that can rescue this pointless, dull, lifeless, shrill of a movie obviously made to bring in people who know of "The Dark Tower" novels and hope to see it done wright. Obviously, we left the film very disappointed.
The Summary:
In a time where some directors hold sincere reverence for their source material, Nikolaj Arcel was obviously out to make an easy buck on the namesake of the great Stephen King by directing a film that's as bare bones as they get, with the most obscure story and one that spits on the source it's from. In this case, the book (or books) is far, far, far, far...far...FAR...more superior than the movie.
The Score: D-
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