JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Snatched Starring Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn, Wanda Sykes, Joan Cusack Directed by Jonathan Levine The Story: Emily Middleton (Amy Schumer) is not having a good day.  She got fired from her job, and her boyfriend breaks up with her, and to top it off, she's stuck going on a trip to Ecuador by herself, since said boyfriend dumped her.  Not having any real friends, she enlists her overly protective mother Linda (Goldie Hawn) to reluctantly accompany her. After arriving in Ecuador, she meets a handsome Brit who takes the pair on a scenic drive, only to get kidnapped and held for ransom.  The two polar opposites have to learn to work together and face their fears if they'll make it back home in one piece. The Synopsis: The film begins with a title card that you'd see from most found-footage horror films, talking about two women who travel to Ecuador and end up kidnapped, and then says this is the story of the brutal acts of violence that followed - and then fin...

Transformers: The Last Knight Starring Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Duhamel, Laura Haddock Directed by Michael Bay The Story: Years after Optimus Prime left Earth to find his makers, the people of the planet have turned against the Transformers, outlawing them and sending them into hiding.  Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) is a wanted man, and the Transformers Reaction Force is tasked with tracking him down, along with Colonel William Lennox (Josh Duhamel). Meanwhile, Prime finds his home planet of Cyberton in ruins, and his maker - Quintessa - brainwashes him into returning to Earth to retrieve a staff that could bring Cybertron back to life - by destroying Earth in the process.  Megatron, still on Earth, also seeks the staff, as does Sir Edmund Burton (Anthony Hopkins), an aristocratic genius who is the last of a line of defenders of the planet.  Only the direct blood heir of Merlin (who was gifted the staff) can access its whole power and either save th...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Documentary Films I am a sucker for a good documentary.  Most people find them boring, but I find them fascinating, especially since they focus on true-life stories that I would've otherwise never heard of.  Hearing the stories of ordinary people who have done extraordinary things is inspiring, and hearing of plights in different countries move my heart and spur me to be a better person. So here are my top ten documentary films, worst2first. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 Super Size Me Independent filmmaker Morgan Spurlock decided to tackle the obesity epidemic firsthand by eating nothing but McDonald's food for a month straight, chronicling the effects on his body and his mental well-being.  The result led to McDonald's dropping their Super Size menu as well as shedding a light on the increasing obesity problem in America, as well as earning the director an Oscar nomination for Best Documentary.  The film ...

Rough Night Starring Scarlett Johansson, Kate McKinnon, Jillian Bell, Ilana Glazer Directed by Lucia Aniello The Story: Ten years after their college days, Jess (Scarlett Johansson) is running for Congress and is marrying her longtime, boring, fiancee; Alice (Jillian Bell) is a teacher who loves reminiscing about the good ole days; Frankie (Ilana Glazer) is an activist who still holds a flame for her ex-girlfriend; Blair (Zoe Kravitz) is the ex-girlfriend who now has a three-year-old son and is in the middle of a divorce.  Alice reunites the girls for Jess's bachelorette party in Miami, along with Jess's Australian friend Pippa (Kate McKinnon). After a wild night out, the girls decide to hire a stripper, but the man who arrives (Ryan Cooper) is accidentally killed by Alice, and the girls spend a wild night trying to cover up their crime before they face some serious jail time, and all the while old issues bubble to the surface that threatens their years-long frien...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Trilogy Films Every now and then you find a film that just demands a sequel be made.  More often than not, it doesn't really desire that but they're made anyway to the chagrin of everyone involved.  However, there are those rare films that not only does the sequel live up to its predecessor, but even the third installment is worthy of excellence.  Then there's those trilogies where one or two of the films have such a lasting impact in the world of cinema that it can overlook a weaker installment. Here are my top ten favorite trilogy films, worst2first. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 The Austin Powers Trilogy Poking fun at James Bond, Mike Myers created Austin Powers to serve as a parody of the famous spy sub-genre, where girls go crazy over him (even though he's not the least visibly appealing) and advocates free love and peace as a man from the 60s can.  The series has spawned several phrases we use today (...

It Comes at Night Starring Joel Edgerton, Christopher Abbott, Carmen Ejogo, Kelvin Harrison Jr. Directed by Trey Edward Shults The Story: After a mysterious plague affects the world, Paul (Joel Edgerton), his wife Sarah (Carmen Ejogo), and teenage son Travis (Kelvin Harrison Jr.) - along with Sarah's father - take refuge in an abandoned home in the woods.  Paul fortifies the home, barricading all doors and windows save for one, and they don't go out at night.  When Sarah's father catches the illness, they put him down. The next day, an intruder arrives and Paul subdues him, and makes sure he's not sick.  The man, Will (Christopher Abbott), says he didn't know anyone was living there and he needed supplies for his wife and son.  Sarah convinces Paul to let them move in, so Will, his wife Kim (Riley Keough), and son Andrew (Griffin Robert Faulker) move in.  At first the families get along, but after one disastrous night, all their comradere turns int...

All Eyez On Me Starring Demetrius Shipp Jr., Danai Gurira, Dominic Santana, Jamal Woolard Directed by Benny Boom The Story: Raised by Black Panther member Afeni Shakur (Danai Gurira), Tupac Shakur (Demetrius Shipp Jr.) was taught at an early age to be a revolutionary, and as he grew up and got involved in the music and movie world, he tried to use his voice as a way to reach out to those in need.  His story is profound, his impact is historic, and his life is prolific. The Synopsis: In 2015, the film "Straight Outta Compton" became the little film that could, a biopic released in the heat of summer surrounded by epic blockbuster action films, and turned out to gross over $160 million dollars.  The true-life story of how rap's influential group N.W.A. came to be was filled with amazing acting, a compelling story, and friction you could start a fire with.  Expectations were high for the biopic of Tupac Shakur, easily one of rap music's - and music in gen...

Pirates of the Caribbean:  Dead Men Tell No Tales Starring Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario Directed by Joachim Ronning & Espen Sandberg The Story: Young Henry Turner travels to the depths of the ocean to find his accursed father Will (Orlando Bloom) to tell him that he can free him from his curse by finding Poseidon's Trident, which can eliminate any curse set in the ocean.  Nine years later, Henry (Brenton Thwaites) is desperately searching for Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), the only man he believes can help him find the Trident. However, Sparrow is in his own world of trouble.  He doesn't venture out to the ocean anymore, he's lost his crew, his money, and his ship, and he's reduced to bring a drunkard.  He runs into a strong-willed woman named Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario) who is accused of being a witch for being an astronomer, but also holds a book that has a map no man can read - a map that leads to the ...

The Mummy Starring Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallis, Russell Crowe, Sofia Boutella Directed by Alex Kurtzman The Story: Back in ancient Egypt, Princess Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella) is set to take over control after her father dies, but he sires a son and therefore strips away her future rule.  Angered, she summons Set, the god of the Dead, and kills her father and brother.  Before she could complete the ritual, she is captured and mummified alive in a tomb and taken far away from Egypt. In modern day Iraq, soldier-of-fortune Nick Morton (Tom Cruise) and his friend Chris Vail (Jake Johnson) are infiltrating an enemy stronghold to steal some riches he found from a map belonging to Jenny Halsey (Annabelle Wallis).  In the ensuing airstrike, they come upon Ahmanet's prison, and Nick foolishly frees her.  On their way back to London, their plane is attacked by birds and crashes, and Nick dies, only to come to life again.  With the help of Jenny and  Doctor...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Batman Films Did you know the first incarnation of Batman on screen happened way back in 1943?  He's been on the screen for 74 years! Granted, I have never seen any of the Batman movies prior to 1989 (RIP Adam West), so I cannot include them on my personal top ten Batman films, so with that being said here are my top ten Batman films, worst2first... **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 Batman & Robin Officially titled "The Film That Killed Batman," the abysmal "Batman & Robin" gratefully brought an end to the Schumacher disaster that reduced Batman to a (not-so-killing) joke.  Arnold Schwarzenegger was a laughing stock as Mr. Freeze with the most cringe-worthy one-liners ("What killed dinosaurs?  The ice age!"), Uma Thurman did her darnedest as Poison Ivy but failed to deliver, Chris O'Donnell and Alicia Silverstone were the worst Robin and Batgirl in history, and the less we talk about Georg...