JoeMama's Movie Reviews

X-Men: Apocalypse Starring James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Oscar Isaac, Jennifer Lawrence Directed by Bryan Singer The Story: Back in ancient days, the first mutant known as En Sabah Nur is being regenerated into another body (Oscar Isaac) to retain his immortality.  However, he is betrayed by his followers and his pyramid collapses on him, encasing him in a makeshift tomb.  In 1983, he is awakened by a new set of followers, and goes by the name Apocalypse, because he sees the world being run by "lesser" people, and sets out to create a new world where only the strong survives. To achieve his goal, he sets out to find the four most powerful mutants and turn them into his Four Horsemen, endowing them with even stronger abilities.  Angel (Ben Hardy), Psylocke (Olivia Munn), Storm (Alexandra Shipp) and Magneto (Michael Fassbender) are chosen to be the heralds of destruction. Meanwhile, at Xavier's School, a young Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) is still coming ...

Major Theatrical Releases June 2016 We're about to hit the real start of summer, when all kids are out of school, it starts getting warmer, and it begins to heat up even more at the box office. June offers something for everyone.  From romance to horror, from action to sci-fi, from comedy to family, there's a movie for every type of moviegoer this month. Here are the major theatrical movies being released in June 2016.  June 3 Me Before You First is the romantic tale of a small town girl who falls in love with a recently paralyzed man she's taking care of in Me Before You.  Typically the summer isn't the best time for romantic movies, but it's worked in the past, such as with The Fault in Our Stars.  This movie features some of today's hottest young stars including Emilia "Game of Thrones" Clarke, Sam "Hunger Games" Claflin, Jenna "Doctor Who" Coleman, and Matthew "holy crap he's that guy fro...

The Big Short Starring Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Brad Pitt Directed by Adam McKay The Story: In 2005, hedge fund manager Michael Burry (Christian Bale) noticed that the U.S. housing market was very unstable due to high risk subprime loans, and decides to "short" (bet against) the housing bond market, which the banks readily agree to because they don't see the market tanking.  Meanwhile, Mark Baum (Steve Carell) is an eccentric manager of a Wall Street hedge fund who sets out to screw the corrupt system by joining with bond salesman Jared Vennett (Ryan Gosling) to short the CDO.  As this is happening, up-and-coming hedge fund founders Charlie (John Magaro) and Jamie (Finn Wittrock) are trying to get their feet in the door, and former JPMorgan Chase trader Ben Rickert (Brad Pitt) takes them under his wing.  As the years pass, they all learn how corrupt the banking system is, and all come to the conclusion that the housing bubble will eventually...

Worst2First:  My Worst of the Worst Razzie Picture Winners Since 1980, the Razzies have "honored" the worst of the worst in cinema by acting as the yin to the Oscar yang, selecting the worst films of the year and holding their own award ceremony for them.  Categories such as Worst Picture, Worst Actor/Actress, Worst Director, and so on, gives a voice of the common moviegoer who loves to express how much a movie truly sucked. I've compiled ten of the worst of the worst Razzie Worst Picture winners, and since they're only films I've seen, you won't be seeing "Battlefield Earth" or "Gigli" because I haven't seen them yet  - and have no plans to. So here are my personal top ten worst of the worst Razzie Worst Picture winners, Worst2First. **There will be no spoilers.** #10 Wild Wild West Year: 1999 Other Nominees: Big Daddy, The Blair Witch Project, The Haunting, Star Wars Episode I Will Smith tries to reliv...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Films That Were Too Long When you go to the movies and pay $10 for a ticket, you expect something that will last awhile.  When you find out the movie you spent your hard-earned money on only lasts 90 minutes, you feel cheated.  Then there's those rare movies that are extremely long but they're worth seeing ("The Hateful Eight," "The Lord of the Rings," "Saving Private Ryan").  Then there's those excruciating films that drag on and on and on and on and on and on...and on and on, that you just wish would end already. These are the ten films I'm going to talk about today. Together, these ten films have a total runtime of 26 hours, 25 minutes.  So if you want to spend more than a day watching these, be my guest.  But I wouldn't recommend it.  That being said, here's my top ten films that went too long, this time in order from the shortest to the longest, but still Worst2First. **There will be no...

Criminal Starring Kevin Costner, Gal Gadot, Gary Oldman, Tommy Lee Jones Directed by Ariel Vromen The Story: Bill Pope (Ryan Reynolds) works for the CIA in London, and has just hidden away a man known as The Dutchman (Michael Pitt), a computer genius who invented a wormhole computer program that allows the user to remotely detonate missiles and other forms of destructive weaponry.  Spanish anarchist Xavier Hembahl (Jordi Molla) wants that program, and Bill is hiding him away. After being discovered, Bill is tortured and killed before he could reveal the whereabouts of the Dutchman.  CIA Supervisor Quaker Wells (Gary Oldman) decides to bring in Dr. Franks (Tommy Lee Jones) - a man who's spent eighteen years figuring out a way to transplant memories from one brain to another - to transfer Pope's memories to another person.  Franks chooses Jericho Stewart (Kevin Coster), a deranged killer who suffered a traumatic event during childhood that effectively turned o...

Captain America: Civil War Starring Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Sebastian Stan, Scarlet Johansson Directed by Anthony Russo & Joe Russo The Story: While trying to stop a criminal mastermind, the Avengers have to face the consequences of severe collateral damage, which results in the Sokovia Accords - forcing them to be headed by the government instead of being independent of any governing body.  Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) feels this is the best thing, while Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) doesn't believe it is, resulting in a fracturing of the Avengers and causing them to fight one another. The Synopsis: While I consider "Civil War" to be the best Marvel movie ever made by a large margin, I was also deeply saddened by it and left the theater with a deep profound sense of loss.  I'll explain why in the end of the review which, as always, is spoiler free. The Civil War comic series is highly regarded as one of the best series in the entirety o...

Trainspotting Starring Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner, Jonny Lee Miller, Robert Carlyle Directed by Danny Boyle The Story: In Edinburgh, friends Renton (Ewan McGregor), Sick Boy (Jonny Lee Miller), Spud (Ewen Bremner), Tommy (Kevin McKidd) and Bebie (Robert Carlyle) are heroin addicts who live for their next fix (except for Bebie, who feels superior for not doing heroin, yet spends most of the film in a psychotic state, assaulting anyone for pretty much any reason; and Tommy, who Renton labels as the "truth teller" saying it's one of Tommy's biggest flaws).  Renton seems to be the most grounded of his group, while Sick Boy tries to pull con after con, and Spud is so incredibly simple-minded that he really doesn't know what's going on even if he's sober.  The film focuses on Renton and his desire to get clean, yet failing at every attempt, as well as the downward spiral Renton and his friends ride as they look for their next fix in order to escape ...