JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Starring Andy Serkis, Jason Clarke, Gary Oldman, Keri Russell Directed by Matt Reeves Synopsis: Ten years after a deadly plague wiped out most of humanity, apes are now the dominant species.  Led by Caesar (Andy Serkis), they live together in harmony, vowing to never take the life of another ape, and communicating through sign language taught by Caesar. One day two apes discover a band of humans in search of a dam that will produce electricity for their small village.  Tensions rise between the humans and apes, but under the leadership of Malcolm (Jason Clarke), they create a truce and the apes allow the humans to re-start the dam. However, fear on both sides lead to purposeful deception and eventually an all out war that neither Malcolm nor Caesar can stop.  Led by Caesar's human-hating companion Koba (Toby Kebbell) and the leader of the human village Dreyfus (Gary Oldman), a war takes place that takes strong casualties on b...

Cheerleader Massacre Starring Tamie Sheffield, Charity Rahmer, Erin Byron, Lenny Juliano Directed by Jim Wynorski Synopsis: A serial killer escapes prison just as a group of cheerleaders are stranded in the same woods the killer is said to be hiding.  However, is he the only maniacal killer out there? Review: This is one of the best worst low budget horror films I've seen in awhile.  And by "best" I mean the most unintentionally hilarious.  The story seems ripped from a Lifetime movie, and the "twist" is easily seen a mile away.  Still, it's a good film to see with friends just to make fun of.  Nothing much more can be said. Summary: Watch this to insult it.  Nothing more. My Rating: D+

Ride Along Starring Ice Cube, Kevin Hart, Tika Sumpter, Laurence Fishburne Directed by Tim Story Synopsis: Seasoned cop James (Ice Cube) is a rogue policeman, who prefers working on his own than having a partner.  For years he's been tracking an elusive kingpin known as Omar, whom no one has ever seen.  If that wasn't enough, his sister Angela (Tika Sumpter) is in love with Ben (Kevin Hart), a wannabe cop with a big mouth whom James despises, because he feels Ben is incapable of caring for his sister. To prove his point, he takes Ben on a  ride along, and makes it so that they come into contact with the most annoying calls to break Ben's spirit and to prevent him from eventually marrying his sister.  Instead Ben helps James in tracking down Omar, and James realizes there might be more to Ben than he thought. Review: When this film debuted, it came out huge, eventually grossing over $134 million dollars.  When I finally got around to seeing it, I...

Joy Ride 3 Starring Ken Kirzinger, Jesse Hutch, Ben Hollingsworth, Gianpaolo Venuta Directed by Declan O'Brien Synopsis: Rusty Nail (Ken Kirzinger), the maniacal truck driving serial killer, is back.  This time he's targeting a group of hotshot street racers, stalking them and killing them one by one, while a bunch of witless cops try to find him. Review: The original "Joy Ride" really lived up to its title, making it an enjoyable film filled with tension, suspense, and even some dark humor.  Rusty Nail was never really seen, and the "killer" in the film was moreso the big rig than the person behind it, exuding an heir of mystery behind the killer.  With the subsequent sequels, the mystery of Rusty Nail has ebbed away until now, where he just serves as a killer with no conscious or remorse.  He just does it for the fun.  This takes away the greatest aspect of the original - Rusty Nail has been humanized. What makes it worse is that in films...

After Earth Starring Jaden Smith, Will Smith, Sophie Okonedo, Zoe Kravitz Directed by M. Night Shyamalan Synopsis: Humanity has abandoned Earth and fled to a new planet called Nova Prime, and they're stalked by creatures called Ursas who cannot see but smell human's fear, which causes the human's death.  Cypher (Will Smith) has found a way to ignore fear and becomes one of the most acclaimed killers of the Ursas.  He becomes a General and travels with his son Kitai (Jaden Smith) and a fleet of soldiers on his final voyage before retirement. The ship is hit by asteroids and crash lands on Earth, which is now a whole new world with creatures who are designed to kill humans, along with a Ursa that was on the ship, which is now free.  Only Cypher and Kitai survive, but Cypher is critically injured and Kitai needs to travel the rough terrain to get to a homing beacon.  Along the way he comes into contact with creatures and has to learn to be like his dead - ...

A Lonely Place to Die Starring Melissa George, Ed Speleers, Alec Newman, Kate Magowan Directed by Julian Gilbey Synopsis: Five friends go mountain climbing in the Scottish highlands when they discover a girl buried alive.  As they try to get her to safety, they're hunted by the two kidnappers who will stop at nothing to get the girl back. Review: This concept has been done ad nauseam throughout the years, yet director Julian Gilbey manages to make "A Lonely Place to Die" something different, and it's the setting.  The Scottish highlands are majestic and it was extremely beautiful, yet also treacherous, as the hikers find out. The actors were great in their roles, which basically was spent being scared and running for their lives.  No need for thick character development, they just do what they need to.  The mystery around the girl, and the purpose of her kidnapping, is something well crafted as well, especially when you find out who her father is. ...

Maximum Overdrive Starring Emilio Estevez, Pat Hingle, Laura Harrington, Yeardley Smith Directed by Stephen King Synopsis: The Earth is the victim of a comet close call whose tail emits a green alien power that makes all electronics come to life and kill their owners.  A group of people take shelter in a local truck stop, and they have to learn to work together to get past the group of trucks awaiting them outside. Review: This was Stephen King's first - and only - time directing one of his stories.  It's legend that during the time of filming he was doped up on cocaine, and even he admits he had no idea what he was doing.  Does this show?  Absolutely.  There's no real acting, which is why I find it surprising that Emilio Estevez is the star, coming from such a pedigree of acting talent.  The effects - at least nowadays - is entirely laughable.  Still, there's something about the film that has endured all this time.  Maybe it's be...

Wolf Creek 2 Starring John Jarratt, Ryan Corr, Shannon Ashlyn, Philippe Klaus Directed by Greg Mclean Synopsis: Mick Taylor (John Jarratt), the Outback killer, is still roaming the desolate Australian desert seeking out poor unsuspecting tourists to torture and kill, in order to keep his Australia pure.  When he stalks a young German couple, Englishman Paul Hammersmith (Ryan Corr) gets caught in the crossfire, and becomes Mick's latest victim to torture. Review: The first "Wolf Creek" was amazing in its brutal nature and the grittiness of it all.  An unseen killer (who is only later revealed in the film) stalks tourists and kills them brutally.  What "Wolf Creek 2" has failing for it is that it humanizes the killer, and almost makes him an antihero and someone you actually root for (especially against the cops at the beginning of the film).  Mick is humanized, trivialized and even has some truly laugh out loud moments. Still, the violence is ext...

Transformers: Age of Extinction Starring Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci, Kelsey Grammer, Nicola Peltz Directed by Michael Bay Synopsis: Years after the events in Chicago, the government has turned on the Autobots, setting out to destroy them all.  Led by ruthless Attinger (Kelsey Grammer), all Transformers are hunted down and killed, led by the alien bounty hunter Lockdown.  In Texas, wannabe inventor Cade (Mark Wahlberg) discovers an old truck and learns that it's not just an ordinary truck, but a Transformer.  He re-starts it and learns it's none other than the Autobot leader, Optimus Prime, who wants to find his fellow Autobots before they're decommissioned.  Meanwhile Attinger is working with Joshua Joyce (Stanley Tucci) to build their own Transformers using their life force, and manage to create a few of their own Transformers, including Galvatron, who sets out to find "the Seed," an item that could destroy humanity and raise a whole new breed o...

Bloody Birthday Starring Lori Lethin, Melinda Cordell, Julie Brown, K.C. Martel Directed by Ed Hunt Synopsis: In 1970, during an eclipse, three children were born.  Ten years later, those same kids go on a killing spree in their hometown, killing without remorse, and getting away with it because...who would expect three ten year old kids? Review: The 80s.  An amazing decade for cheesy horror.  Never to be taken seriously, it delivers a rip-roaring good time.  "Bloody Birthday" is no exception, as it never takes a single minute seriously.  What other movie has three young kids brutally killing people?  Wouldn't happen nowadays.  The acting is horrible.  The story doesn't make sense (why would they start killing on their 10th birthday?), and the characters do the stupidest things.  After the "main girl" almost gets run down by the pint sized horrors, she goes back home to do homework because, you know, school is important....