JoeMama's Movie Reviews

The Demented Starring Kayla Ewell, Richard Kohnke, Ashlee Brian, Brittany Agler Directed by Christopher Roosevelt Six college friends decide to spend the weekend together at a huge mansion owned by one of their friends' fathers.  They're enjoying their time together when all of a sudden word of a terrorist attack reaches them, and they see a missile heading for New Orleans.  Soon the place is ravaged by zombies who were turned by the missile, and they have to work together to get out alive. Yes, the concept has been done.  Yes, the characters were as horrible as you can imagine.  Yes, there was nothing new to the film.  Still, though, it's a zombie movie, and I enjoyed it.  Not enough to call it a blockbuster by any means, but I've seen a lot worse zombie films done, and I appreciated the high technical values given to this film.  Not in the lame zombie makeup, but in the fact that the camera didn't look like someone purchased it at Best...

The Big Year Starring Owen Wilson, Jack Black, Steve Martin, Rosamund Pike Directed by David Frankel It's the event every bird watcher loves - The Big Year.  Spending a year traveling the country, documenting as many different kinds of birds possible.  The person who sees the most wins the Big Year, and everyone is out for the title. Brad Harris (Jack Black) is out to break the record done by Bostick (Owen Wilson), and, despite lack of funds, sets out to accomplish his goal.  Meanwhile, CEO Stu (Steve Martin) wants an adventure before he retires.  Bostick knows people are out to break his record, so he sets out to break it himself. The three travel all over the country locating different birds and competing against each other, and it seems that all three of them lose sense of what's really important in life.  Bostick isn't paying attention to his wife (Rosamund Pike).  Brad has a terrible relationship with his father, and Stu is watching his...

Kiss of the Damned Starring Josephine de La Baume, Milo Ventimiglia, Roxane Mesquida, Anna Mouglalis Directed by Xan Cassavetes One night the mysterious Djuna (Josephine de La Baume) meets screenwriter Paolo (Milo Ventimiglia) at a video rental store, and romance blossoms almost immediately.  Djuna is apprehensive, however, because she's a vampire and she doesn't want to fall for a mortal man.  One night she confesses everything to him, and he allows her to bite him, making him a vampire as well. The two begin a relationship and everything is going good.  They don't hunt humans but rather drink the blood from animals, and they live a very civilized existence.  That is, until Djuna's wild sister Mimi (Roxane Mesquida) visits.  She embraces the vampire world and everything it entails - including feasting on humans.  Her wild, reckless ways threaten Djuna and Paolo's relationship as well as threatening to expose them to the public. I could see...

The Conjuring Starring Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston Directed by James Wan Husband and wife Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) Warren are nationally known spirit hunters.  Ed is a demonologist and Lorraine is a clairvoyant, and together they've helped countless people with their haunted lives, but there's one story that they never told until now. Carolyn (Lili Taylor), Roger (Ron Livingston) and their five daughters just moved into a quaint house in Rhode Island in the early 70s, and almost immediately strange events surrounded the family.  What first started off as bumps and creeks soon turn more sinister, causing Carolyn to turn to the Warrens for help before whatever is haunting them destroys the family from within. Director James Wan ("Saw," "Insidious") is the new face of horror.  He consistently delivers powerful films that haunt people to their innermost parts, and "The Conjuring" is ...

Movie 43 Starring Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, Naomi Watts, Halle Berry Directed by Bob Odenkirk "Movie 43" is a sketch comedy movie that features several mini-movies that have nothing to do with the other. Sketches include a blind date where there's more to the man than meets the eye, home schooled parents who want to give their son the "complete high school experience," a young girl going through the trials of womanhood, and a truth-or-dare game that goes way beyond the limits. "Movie 43" is well known for its delectable list of veteran A-list actors including Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Naomi Watts, Dennis Quaid, Elizabeth Banks, Josh Duhamel, Emma Stone, Richard Gere, Kate Bosworth and Uma Thurman, to name a few.  To think that these famous, prestigious, incredibly talented actors would lend their names to such drivel astounds me.  The film seems like it was written by some fifteen year old who thinks the funniest things ...

Apocalypto Starring Rudy Youngblood, Dalia Hernandez, Jonathan Brewer, Morris Birdyellowhead Directed by Mel Gibson In the final years of the Mayan civilization, Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood) and his village is attacked by other Mayans who take the men captive.  Before they attack he's able to hide his pregnant wife and young son in a well so they're not spotted, but can't get back to them because he gets captured.  As he and his people trek to the Mayan pyramids, his mind is always on his family and how he could get back to them. After escaping his captors, Jaguar Paw uses his forest to aid in getting back to his family and stopping the enemy Mayans from re-capturing and killing him.  The movie begins with a quote: "A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within." W. Durant.  After the critical success of "The Passion of the Christ," Mel Gibson decided to tackle what might have happened to the...

Mama Starring Jessica Chastain, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Megan Charpentier, Isabelle Nelisse Directed by Andres Muschietti A man brutally kills his wife and takes his children to an abandoned cabin in the woods, where he is subsequently killed by an evil spirit.  The children - Victoria (Megan Charpentier) and Lilly (Isabelle Nelisse) - grow up with this spirit for years before they're discovered and brought back to society.  Years of isolation have turned them into feral creatures, and it's up to their father's brother Lucas (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and his rocker girlfriend Annabel (Jessica Chastain) to bring them back to modern society.  It's not as easy as it seems, because it appears that the children were not the only ones brought back from the cabin. Taken as a "once upon a time" tale, the film suspends the issues of reality, especially the ending.  Throughout there's the typical "jump scares" and tense moments, but overall this...

6 Souls Starring Julianne Moore, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Jeffrey DeMunn, Frances Conroy Directed by Mans Marlind & Bjorn Stein Cara Harding (Julianne Moore) is a doctor who's out to debunk the myth of multiple personality disorder, believing it to be a nonsensical hoax.  She's managed to convince the police to put a man to death who tried to use that defense, and her father, Dr. Harding (Jeffrey DeMunn) has a new challenge for her. Adam (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) was found on the street and admitted to the hospital due to possible multiple personality disorder.  He turns into a man named David, but not only by voice, but his whole body undergoes a change, confining him to a wheelchair.  Cara feels this is just another hoax, and goes out to investigate the real David.  She discovers he was murdered in the 80s after being confined to a wheelchair, and brings his mother (Frances Conroy) in to talk to Adam, who turns to David, and talks about things that onl...

Man of Steel Starring Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Michael Shannon, Diane Lane Directed by Zack Snyder On the planet of Krypton, the planet is dying from overuse of its resources.  Jor-El (Russell Crowe) and his wife give natural birth to a child for the first time in centuries, and they name him Kal-El.  When military leader General Zod (Michael Shannon) try to stage a coup, he's apprehended and sentenced to isolation, and right afterward the planet implodes.  Before the planet dies, Jor-El manages to get Kal-El on a ship and send him to the next planet that shows visible life - Earth. Kal-El, now named Clark Kent by Jonathan (Kevin Coster) and Martha (Diane Lane), the couple who found him, grows up trying to understand his purpose and why he's different than the other children, while he learns the values of helping others and trying to stay hidden because, according to Jonathan, the world isn't ready for him to be seen. Now as an adult man, Clark (Henry Ca...

Long Time Dead Starring Joe Absolom, Lara Belmont, Melanie Gutteridge, Lukas Haas Directed by Marcus Adams In England, a group of friends are looking for the ultimate high, so they decide to use a Ouija board to summon a spirit, but playtime soon ends when they conjure up a Djinn, which begins systematically killing them off one-by-one.  Lucy (Marsha Thomason) discovers that the Djinn is inhabiting the body of one of her friends, but which one?  And will she find out who it is before it destroys them all? A five year old is sitting at a computer and begins mashing on the keyboard.  His father comes in and sees what he's typed, and decides to sell it to a major film company, and thus "Long Time Dead" was born.  Seriously, it's that stupid.  It's a cheap version of "Final Destination," and there's a special throw-in of a story concerning the Djinn and one of the guys who summons it.  Apparently they have a history together, and this thr...

Night of the Living Dead: Resurrection Starring Sarah Madison, Sabrina Dickens, Sule Rimi, Richard Goss Directed by James Plumb In Wales, the dead are coming to life and killing the living.  A family is holed up in their family home in the middle of nowhere, hoping to somehow survive together, but they don't have the dead to worry about, as a group of teenage kids who are obsessed with "Call of Duty" is on the prowl looking to bring their video game lusts to life. George A. Romero brought to life the new vision of the zombie, but unfortunately he didn't market his own film right, making it available to the general public to use and abuse.  Worst movie to do this was the 3D version with Sid Haig.  Another bad one was the one before this film, "Re-Animation."  That seemed to try to combine the "Night of the Living Dead" and "Return of the Living Dead" franchises together, with horrible results. As it goes with "Resur...

The Call Starring Halle Berry, Abigail Breslin, Morris Chestnut, Michael Eklund Directed by Brad Anderson Jordan Turner (Halle Berry) is a 911 dispatcher who deals with hundreds of emergencies a day.  She's learned to detach herself from the situations and keep a calm head, until one night she gets a call from Leah (Evie Thompson), who is reporting a man breaking into her house.  Jordan tells her to hide and the phone goes dead, and when she re-dials, she attracts the intruder to her and inadvertently causes Leah's death. Jordan is heartbroken over what happened and blames herself for calling back and giving away Leah's hiding spot.  She decides to step away from being a dispatcher and instead trains other dispatchers.  Six months later, she is drawn into another call, this time from Casey Welson (Abigail Breslin), who is calling from the trunk of a car.  She had just been kidnapped, and Jordan tries to help her find out where they're going....