JoeMama's Movie Reviews

 Worst2First: My Most Anticipated Films of Summer 2023   Summertime brings the big budget blockbusters to the big screen, and is the time of the year where cinemas see their highest profits. These ten films look to have audiences' butts in theater seats from May through August, and these are the ones I'm most excited to see. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** **DATES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE** #10 Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny June 30 Perpetual grumpy faced Harrison Ford returns to his iconic role of Indiana Jones for the fifth and last time in "Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny," the first in the franchise to not be directed by Steven Spielberg (instead by "Logan" director James Mangold) or written by George Lucas. It might seem odd that this film was made at all, being fifteen years since the much-maligned "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," and because Ford just hit 80 years old, but this looks somewhat passable at least. This adventure finds In...

Murder Mystery 2 Starring Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Mark Strong, Melanie Laurent Directed by Jeremy Garelick There are two worlds that coincide with one another, two worlds that share the same space, two worlds that are vastly different. One world consists of a stellar sequel of an equally stellar original that features the world's most intelligent detective who, even if a bit eccentric, manages to get the job done with perfection, and this sequel takes place on an isolated island with a slew of suspects who all wanted to see the same thing happen. The other world consists of a sequel of sorts, of an equally subpar-yet-adequate original that features the world's most unknown, not-so-intelligent detectives who, even if a bit eccentric, somehow manages to get the job done by a lot of bumbling blind luck and some intellectual sleuthing. This is the latter. Four years after solving a murder mystery in Monte Carlo, married couple Nick (Adam Sandler) and Audrey (Jennifer Anisto...

The Covenant Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Dar Salim, Alexander Ludwig, Anthony Starr Directed by Guy Ritchie After twenty years of fighting the war in Afghanistan, American troops were pulled out in 2021, and almost immediately the Taliban reclaimed the country for their own. During the war local Afghan citizens were brought in to serve as interpreters between American soldiers and their fellow Afghan citizens, with the promise that they'd be granted visas to America for their safety. Sadly, America didn't commit to their covenant, and after they left the country more than three hundred interpreters were tracked down and killed, while thousands more remain in hiding. While a fictionalized story, "The Covenant" is an intimate look at the dangers interpreters face, but since it's Guy Ritchie directing, he unfortunately glossed over any dramatic storytelling in favor of his trademark norms: jagged editing, slow-motion to the extreme, and over-the-top violence. Sergeant ...

The Pope's Exorcist Starring Russell Crowe, Daniel Zovatto, Alex Essoe, Laurel Marsden Directed by Julius Avery Ever since 1973's "The Exorcist," Hollywood has prayed to the cinematic gods that they would give a divine inspiration for another spectacular, legendary, memorable exorcist film: and to that end, it may seem that they worship false gods, because they've yet to churn such a memorable, Oscar-nominated film. They've come close a time or two ("The Exorcism of Emily Rose," "The Rite"), but haven't been able to capture that Jesus-in-a-bottle again. "The Pope's Exorcist" was their latest Hail Mary Full of Grace shot, and while it won't garner any Academy Awards nor will it be studied fifty years from now, it's still a top-tier demonic possession film thanks to the impeccable, subtly simplistic performance by the great Russell Crowe. Father Gabriele Amorth (Russell Crowe) was the Pope's (Franco Nero) persona...

Sisu Starring Jorma Tommila, Aksel Hennie, Jack Doolan, Mimosa Willamo Directed by Jalmari Helander In Finnish language, "Sisu" has no English equivalent. The concept of it, most simply put, is a tenacity of purpose, grit, bravery, resilience, and hardiness, expressing itself by taking action against all odds, and displaying courage in the face of adversity. So when it came time for Finnish director Jalmari Helander to put the concept of Sisu to the big screen, of course the result is a brilliant, gory conglomerate of "John Wick," "Taken," "Inglorious Basterds," and a healthy sprinkling of the Road Runner and classic slapstick Looney Tunes (if Bugs Bunny actually blew up Elmer Fudd, along with Fudd's leg flying through the air) - all set against the unforgiving Lapland landscape. After losing his entire family during the Winter War, Aatami Korpi (Jorma Tommila) takes his dog and lives a solitary life in Lapland mining for gold. ...

Evil Dead Rise Starring Lily Sullivan, Alyssa Sutherland, Morgan Davies, Nell Fisher Directed by Lee Cronin The "Evil Dead" franchise is an anomaly in the world of horror cinema. The first film was released back in 1981, and since then there's only been four sequels (or remakes), along with a critically acclaimed television series. By taking their time and crafting these sequels (or remakes) with care and precision, surprisingly none of them have been duds. Sam Raimi was an unknown director who created "The Evil Dead" in 1981 on a less-than-shoestring budget, and the film was revolutionary for its story, its unique camera work, and the practical effects that made for an unforgettable experience. That was followed by a more "polished" sequel sorta requel with "Evil Dead 2" before going completely bonkers and sending our chainsaw-hand wielding hero Ash back to the Middle Ages in "Army of Darkness" back in 1993. Then the franchise went...

Renfield Starring Nicholas Hoult, Nicolas Cage, Awkwafina, Ben Schwartz Directed by Chris McKay When he was a younger actor, Nicolas Cage wanted to play three characters: Captain Nemo, Superman, and Dracula. While he attempted to don the red cape in the Tim Burton film that was scrapped, he finally got to live out one of his fantasies in "Renfield," and even though his Dracula doesn't receive top billing let's just be honest: no one wants to see the film to see Nicolas Hoult's wimpy Renfield stand up to his narcissistic eternal boss, but they want to see Nic Cage be "NIC FU**&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&INGGGGGG....CAGE!" To that end, audiences were not disappointed, despite a lopsided script and some loose ends remaining at the end. Way back when, Robert Renfield (Nicolas Hoult) wanted riches, s...

His Only Son Starring Nicolas Mouawad, Sara Seyed, Edaan Moskowitz, Ottavio Taddei Directed by David Helling The Bible is a wealth of cinematic gold, featuring story after story about faith, love, forgiveness, and - most cinematically - epic battles that are all the more potent because they actually happened, but the Bible is also a strange dichotomy: on one hand it's preached every Sunday at church for the young and old to behold, and on the other if it was made into a true epic movie, it'd be so R-rated that no one under 18 would be able to see it, if done adequately. Plus it seems that major directors and film companies shy away from such epics, leaving the Bible to lesser-known directors and lower-income production companies who skimp on lavish set designs, stunning effects, or even A-list actors in favor of showcasing "what God can accomplish with less." While that works on a faith level, it doesn't hold true to a film in the theater that tells of one of the ...

Air Starring Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Jason Bateman, Viola Davis Directed by Ben Affleck Coming from someone who has absolutely no knowledge of the sports world whatsoever, even I know the name Michael Jordan, and how he is (some would argue possibly) the G.O.A.T. of the basketball world, and even of the sports world in general. His name is synonymous with not just basketball, but product placement as well, with his long-running connection with the Nike corporation and his own unique shoe, the Air Jordan. Never did I once wish to see a film about how this magical connection took place, and never did I think I would actually enjoy myself watching it - but it only proves that sometimes a film can be so wonderfully done that it turns a complete sports novice into a believer. In 1984, the Nike corporation is on the verge of bankruptcy, competing against juggernauts like Adidas and Converse, finding themselves in a distant third place. Sonny Vaccaro (Matt Damon) is the company's basketb...

The Super Mario Bros. Movie Starring Chris Pratt, Anya Taylor-Joy, Jack Black, Charlie Day Directed by Aaron Horvath & Michael Jelenic The first live-action video game movie ever made was 1993's "Super Mario Bros." movie, and the result is that of cinematic nightmares. It was a huge bust, a jumbled, disjointed, and absolutely abysmal film featuring Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo - with the legendary Dennis Hopper as Bowser? - as the iconic plumber duo the Mario Brothers who must rescue Peach from the diabolical lizard. The effects were horrible. The acting was atrocious. Everything about the film was so legendary that it's still talked about thirty years later, and effectively made Nintendo shut down any ideas of future Mario movies. Then Illumination came with an animated idea for a new Mario Bros. movie, and the result is something on the total opposite end of the spectrum - a lively, lavish, vividly animated tale that includes more Easter eggs than the Easter b...

Malum Starring Jessica Sula, Eric Olson, Candice Coke, Chaney Morrow Directed by Anthony DiBlasi One of the biggest debates in movies is the issue of remaking previous films, and there's really no wrong answer, as some remakes have turned out to be spectacular ("Ocean's Eleven," "The Departed") and some have turned out disastrous ("Psycho," "The Fog"). What is almost consistent is that whoever does the remake of an original film is a different director from the first, but what sets "Malum" apart is the fact that this remake of the 2014 horror film "Last Shift" was directed by the same director, who wanted to utilize a bigger budget and tweak his own story in a way that makes the remake worthwhile. While it mostly succeeds on that end, comparing it side-to-side with the original shows some cracks that the original didn't have, and a script that seemingly took shape after the director watched another particular film ...