JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Major Theatrical Releases August 2017 Typically the last month of summer brings the leftovers that studios wanted to release in the summer but not during the time of the heavy hitters.  This year, however, looks to be a rather exciting month with some highly anticipated films - as well as the obvious stinkers - that makes this month something of an anomaly. Here are the major theatrical releases for August 2017. **There will be no spoilers** **Dates are still subject to change** The Dark Tower August 4 After much hype and anticipation, "The Dark Tower" - based off a series of books by Stephen King - finally hits theaters.  Idris Elba stars as The Gunslinger, a man tasked to protect the Dark Tower from being destroyed and ending several worlds, including Earth.  Matthew McConaughey stars as The Man in Black, The Gunslinger's nemesis and the one who sets out to destroy the tower.  While I'm excited that the film is finally being made, seeing...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Worst Films  to be Nominated for an Oscar The Academy Awards are the gold standard of cinema, the statuette that everyone in Hollywood pines for, and establishes the winner as the best of the best. Yet, even the Academy can get it wrong, and here are ten films I feel shouldn't have been nominated for an Oscar, worst2first (the "first" being the least deserving). **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 Sideways The story of two men nearing middle age traveling the wine country of California is fine enough as it is, and the cast of Paul Giamatti, Thomas Hayden Church, Sandra Oh and Virginia Madsen is decent enough, but when it's stacked up against fellow nominees "Ray," "Finding Neverland," "The Aviator" and winner "Million Dollar Baby," one has to wonder how it could've been included in such prestigious company. #9 Seabiscuit The Academy Awards are suckers for...

Dunkirk Starring Tom Hardy, Mark Rylance, Kenneth Branagh, Cillian Murphy Directed by Christopher Nolan The Story: "Dunkirk" tells the true-life story of the most harrowing rescue in World War II.  The Nazis have invaded and the allied soldiers have retreated to the shores of Dunkirk, where they're severely outmanned, outgunned and out of options.  The film splits into three narratives, taking place at the same area but in different time frames. On land, lasting one week, we follow the story of three soldiers (Fionn Whitehead, Aneurin Barnard and Harry Styles) who struggle to survive the attack by Nazis by boat, plane and land.  At sea, lasting one day, civilian boater Mr. Dawson (Mark Rylance) travels the Channel with other local boaters to help rescue the men stuck at Dunkirk, picking up a downed captain (Cillian Murphy) on the way, as he struggles with going back to the war.  In the air, lasting one hour, fighter pilots (Tom Hardy and Jack Lowden) ta...

Wish Upon Starring Joey King, Ki Hong Lee, Sydney Park, Ryan Phillippe Directed by John Leonetti The Story: Clare Shannon (Joey King) witnessed her mother hang herself at an early age, and now she's a teenager who's constantly picked on by the pretty, popular people. Her father (Ryan Phillippe) finds an antique Chinese box while dumpster diving, and she concludes she can get seven wishes from it.  As she keeps wishing for her life to get better, it does, but people around her die.  Once the seventh wish is cast, the box owns her soul, but can Clare resist the urge to make that one final wish? The Synopsis: I don't normally do this, and I'm a huge proponent of not doing it, but with a film this awful, this catastrophous (it's so bad I made up a word for it), this mind-numbingly awful, I find it my civil duty as a God-fearing man to spoil the entire movie (if you call this a movie) for you the reader, so I can save you from 90 minutes of your life you c...

War for the Planet of the Apes Starring Andy Serkis, Woody Harrelson, Steve Zahn, Karin Konoval Directed by Matt Reeves The Story: Taking place after the previous movie, Caesar (Andy Serkis) - the genetically enhanced, highly intelligent ape - is in hiding in the woods with the rest of the apes when they're ambushed by a government army known as Alpha-Omega.  Even though he shows mercy, the Colonel (Woody Harrelson) returns with more men and cause Caesar to battle his basic instincts for revenge. While he sends his other apes away, Caesar embarks on a one-ape mission of vengeance against the Colonel, but his right hand orangutan Maurice (Karin Konoval), Luca the gorilla, and Rocket the chimpanzee refuse to leave him.  Through their trek they come upon a young girl (Amiah Miller) who cannot speak, and Maurice takes her as his own.  Thanks to another talking ape named Bad Ape (Steve Zahn), they find the Colonel's base, where a final battle between men and ape ...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Films Featuring Dogs Growing up I've always had animals, and I am a true animal lover at heart.  Whenever I start hearing Sarah MacLaughlin's "Angel" come on the television, I know it's about abused animals and I have to change the channel or start crying.  It pains me to see any animal in pain, and sometimes I feel they're more loyal than most humans I know. So it comes as no surprise that I love films that feature dogs, and I've often been moved more by their plight than humans.  Here are my top ten films featuring dogs, worst2first. **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 All Dogs Go to Heaven A children's film that's a bit more adult than you'd expect, "All Dogs Go to Heaven" features the vocal talent of Burt Reynolds as Charlie, a con artist dog who dies and comes back to earth for revenge, but meets an orphan girl and learns the importance of love, forgiveness, and family.  It's a...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten George A. Romero Films There are very few filmmakers out there who not only add to a subgenre, but create one all his own.  George A. Romero did just that with his low budget film "Night of the Living Dead."  Before Romero, zombies were hardly frightening and subject of some incredibly cheesy films (such as "Plan 9 From Outer Space"), with the first notable zombie film being "White Zombie" back in 1932.  However, most people won't even know zombies before George A. Romero, because he re-identified them as undead creatures who crave human flesh, can only be killed by having their brain destroyed, and seem unstoppable en masse.   Without Romero, we'd have no "The Walking Dead."  Without Romero, we'd have no zombies in "Call of Duty."  Without Romero, the horror genre would be severely lacking one of its most endearing and famed subgenres. With his recent passing after a brief battle with lun...