JoeMama's Movie Reviews

The Campaign Starring Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis, Jason Sudeikis, Dylan McDermott Directed by Jay Roach Cam Brady (Will Ferrell) is North Carolina's 14th District Congressman four terms running, and is about to win his fifth term unopposed.  This outrages the Motch brothers (Dan Aykroyd and John Lithgow), who wish to insource Chinese workers to the district so they can make a bigger profit.  So they bring on Marty Huggins (Zach Galifianakis), a mild-mannered everyman to oppose Cam's candidacy. Soon both men realize the real nasty nature of political campaigns, as their campaign chairmen pull their strings to make their man the winner, which results in several hilarious hijinks and smear campaigns which showcase how to really win (or lose) a congressional race. Director Jay Roach ("Meet the Parents," "Dinner for Schmucks") just recently finished his TV film "Game Change" when he took on this other highly politicized film, rele...

The Lords of Salem Starring Sheri Moon Zombie, Bruce Davison, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Judy Geeson Directed by Rob Zombie During the time of the Salem witch trials, Margaret Morgan (Meg Foster) and her coven were trying to give birth to the antichrist, but to no avail.  They ended up captured and burned at the stake, but not before placing a curse on the women of Salem. Decades later, disc jockey Heidi Hawthorne (Sheri Moon Zombie) receives an odd record at the studio with no return address, saying it was from the Lords of Salem.  She plays the music and the men in the town are unaffected, but the women fall into an odd trance-like state, including Heidi.  Shortly after, Heidi starts receiving odd visions and terrible apparitions, and it seems that she unwittingly unleashed a new kind of hell into Salem, and the spirit of Margaret Morgan is still wishing to bring the antichrist to life - this time through Heidi. Rob Zombie is well known for his eccentric an...

Insidious Chapter 2 Starring Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Barbara Hershey, Lin Shaye Directed by James Wan Picking up right where the first film ended, the Lambert family - father Josh (Patrick Wilson), wife Renai (Rose Byrne) and their young children - feel that their ordeal is at an end.  The demon haunting them was defeated, their son was returned from the Further, and life can get back to normal - well, after the investigation of the suspicious death of psychic Elise (Lin Shaye) ends.  Josh, Renai and their children stay with Josh's mother, Lorraine (Barbara Hershey) while the police investigate their house, and to Renai's horror the terror isn't over, as she is haunted by a ghostly female presence.  Then she notices weird things about Josh, and begin to suspect that he didn't come back from the Further with just himself and their son. Meanwhile, Lorraine and Elise's co-workers investigate the woman in the black wedding dress that's been hau...

Riddick Starring Vin Diesel, Jordi Molla, Matt Nable, Katee Sackhoff Directed by David Twohy Riddick (Vin Diesel) has been left abandoned on an isolated planet populated by deadly predators.  As he struggles for survival, he tunes into his more inner animalistic nature, and adapts to the planet around him. Then two sets of bounty hunters arrive on the planet, searching for Riddick's head.  However, one man (Matt Nable) has a more personal vendetta with Riddick, which comes to blows later on.  I could go on about the events of the movie, but that's basically it.  There was no real story given in this film, and it doesn't move the Riddick narrative forward.  It feels like a forced, pointless, unnecessary addition to the Riddick story, much like how the last "Resident Evil" movie didn't add anything new.  Sure, the action was amazing and the dialogue was quick and witty, but at the end we learn nothing new about Riddick, no real absolution to ...

Looper Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt, Paul Dano Directed by Rian Johnson It's 2047, and thirty years from then time travel would have been invented and immediately outlawed, and five of the most powerful crime lords have access to them.  They send marks back in time so Loopers - people hired by the crime lords - can kill them in the past. For Looper Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), life is good.  He's getting rich off killing people, and he has no issues with it.  He spends his money on women, drugs and living the high life, until he discovers it's his turn to "close the loop," meaning kill your future self. In Joe's case, he's unable to kill his future self (Bruce Willis), who manages to escape.  Now Joe's bosses are out to kill them both, while young Joe is trying to figure out a sinister plot that the older Joe warns will cause death and destruction in the future.  The older Joe is in search of a child who w...

This has been an amazing summer for movies, but also has been a big bust.  There's several films I haven't seen yet (most of them being the animated ones because I refuse to go to a theater for a kids' film with a bunch of screaming kids around), so I only got to see twelve films this summer, so I've ranked them from the worst to the best. See if you agree... #12: White House Down Roland Emmerich once again gave an explosive, way-too-long epic about an attack on the White House.  Not even the chemistry between Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx could save this blunder of a film, perhaps it would've been better if it wasn't released only months after another (and better) White House abduction film, "Olympus Has Fallen." #11: The Great Gatsby An excellent source material, some excellent actors, but unfortunately all of that was overshadowed by way over-the-top effects and highly elaborate set pieces which should've accentuated the main story, but ...

Now You See Me Starring Mark Ruffalo, Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Morgan Freeman Directed by Louis Leterrier A mysterious man invites four different types of magicians - Daniel Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg),  Merritt McKinney (Woody Harrelson), Henley Reeves (Isla Fisher) and Jack Wilder (Dave Franco) - to join forces and become The Four Horsemen.  During a show in Las Vegas, they magically transport a man to a bank in Paris, where the money is taken and given to the audience. Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman) lives to debunk magic, and works with special agent Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) to find out how the magicians were able to rob a bank in Paris while being in Las Vegas.  That is only the beginning of the mystery, as the Four Horsemen continue their Robin Hood-esque style of magic, which at first seems unconnected to each other, but as the pieces begin to add up, there's more than meets the eye with these particular magicians, and the person responsib...

The World's End Starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Rosamund Pike, Martin Freeman Directed by Edgar Wright Gary King (Simon Pegg) has had one dream - to finish the Golden Mile.  12 pubs, 12 beers, one night.  He attempted it when he was younger but failed to finish, and now it's his life's ambition. He re-unites his old friends Andy (Nick Frost), Oliver (Martin Freeman), Steven (Paddy Considine) and Pete (Eddie Marsan)  - who all have very successful lives and families, unlike Gary - to finish the Mile.  They reluctantly agree to head back to the old homestead to achieve Gary's dream. Soon they realize things aren't as they used to be, and at first they think it's because they've changed, but they find out they're wrong - the town has changed, and not in a good way.  The people have been taken over by alien robots, who wish to assimilate with the humans to take over the world.  Gary and his friends try to blend in as they try to complete the...

The Great Gatsby Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton Directed by Baz Luhrmann Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire) is in a sanitarium for alcoholism, and tells his doctor the story of a great man he met in the past - a man named Gatsby. Encouraged to write his story, Nick begins the tale in 1922, when he moves to New York from the midwest to work as a bond salesman.  His house is situated near a mansion owned by the mysterious Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio), a man who throws lavish parties yet remains elusive.  Nick doesn't feel like he fits in with the high society crowd, since he himself is rather penniless.  He reunites with his cousin Daisy (Carey Mulligan) and her husband Tom (Joel Edgerton), who is a very well-known and wealthy socialite.  Tom takes Nick to the slums of New York, where he confesses his several infidelities, and treats Nick to a party thrown by one of Tom's mistresses, Myrtle (Isla Fisher).  N...

Mimesis: Night of the Living Dead Starring Allen Maldonado, Sid Haig, Lauren Mae Shafer, David Brown Directed by Douglas Schulze While attending a horror convention, friends Russell (Taylor Piedmonte) and Duane (Allen Maldonado) are invited by Judith (Lauren Mae Shafer) to a secret underground party.  Both of the men are drugged, and when they come to they're in different clothes and in different places.  Russell and another girl at the party, Karen (Jana Thompson) are at a cemetery and are being chased by what appears to be a zombie.  Duane wakes up in a truck in front of a farmhouse, and soon discovers that there's other people from the party in the house.  Trapped in the farmhouse, the survivors see the zombies standing outside, and it appears to be an oddly familiar situation. Keith (David Brown) comes to the realization that this is a re-enactment of the movie "Night of the Living Dead," and it seems that the "zombies" aren't as de...

Pacific Rim Starring Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day Directed by Giollermo del Toro In 2013, the Pacific coast comes under attack by Kaijus - huge otherworldly creatures who come out from an interdimensional portal in the Pacific Ocean.  At first the world doesn't know how to stop them, until they create monsters of their own - Jaegers, colossal robots manned by two people who are connected by their brains, linked to share the load of piloting such monstrous machines.  The Jaegers successfully fend the world from the Kaijus, but as the years progress the Kaijus become more sophisticated and intellectual, and begin destroying the Jaegers by observing their actions.  By 2025, the Jaeger program is discontinued, and the governments of the world resort to building huge walls to keep the Kaiju at bay. Former captain Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba) wants to use the four remaining Jaegers to put an end to the Kaijus once and for all, by sendin...

Bio-Dead Starring Matthew Norton, Derek Long, Tony Williams, Jacob Gentry Directed by Stephen Hadden Terrorists have struck Los Angeles by releasing a deadly toxic virus that even FEMA and the CDC can't handle, so a private company was hired to try to find survivors in the toxic mess. Benson (Derek Long), Ellis (Matthew Norton), Jackson (Tony Williams) and Graham (Jacob Gentry) are sent into the Zone to find survivors, and instead discover an office complex that seems to have not been affected by the poison. They investigate the seemingly abandoned building and discover that it's not as abandoned as they thought, as a strange ghoul follows and stalks them at every turn. The concept is an interesting one, even if it's been done before.  However, everything else about the film is a snooze-fest.  The dialogue seems to be added in as they went along.  The majority of this rather short film consists of them roaming the building, talking nonsense and very few...

Black Rock Starring Katie Aselton, Lake Bell, Kate Bosworth, Will Bouvier Directed by Katie Aselton Friends Abby (Katie Aselton), Lou (Lake Bell) and Sarah (Kate Bosworth) decide to take a trip to Black Rock, an abandoned island where they frequently went to when they were kids, in hopes of re-kindling their dead friendship.  Abby and Lou hate each other, and Sarah hopes to bring the two together again. While on the island they run into hunters Henry (Will Bouvier), Derek (Jay Paulson) and Alex (Anslem Richardson), who recently returned from Iraq.  On a drunken night, Abby seduces Henry and leads him into the woods, but when he begins to take advantage of her, she accidentally kills him out of self-defense. This sets off Derek and Alex, who knock out the girls and tie them up, preparing to kill them in retaliation.  The girls escape and a cat-and-mouse game ensues on the small island, where three girls who have no survival instincts try to survive agains...

Hatchet III Starring Danielle Harris, Kane Hodder, Zach Galligan, Caroline Williams Directed by BJ McDonnell Immediately taking place where the second film left off, Marybeth (Danielle Harris) thinks she's just killed the spirit of Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), and heads back to New Orleans where she goes to a police station, and is immediately arrested by Sheriff Fowler (Zach Galligan).  She tells him everything that happened, but he doesn't believe her and keeps her in a holding cell while he and his men investigate. They travel to the island where they find countless number of mutilated bodies, and they think it's an open and shut case.  Until Fowler's ex-wife Amanda - who is also a Victor Crowley enthusiast - discovers Marybeth is being held and informs her that Crowley is indeed not dead, but his body re-animates after his supposed hacking. Sure enough, Crowley comes back to life and begins brutally killing everyone on the island, and it's up ...