JoeMama's Movie Reviews

White House Down Starring Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, Maggie Gyllenhaal, James Woods Directed by Roland Emmerich Cale (Channing Tatum) and his young daughter Emily (Joey King) take a tour of the White House, as well as interview to be a member of the President's (Jamie Foxx) Secret Service.  He is interviewed by old friend Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal), who dismisses Cale's desire to be in the Secret Service because, according to her, he's never finished anything. As they're about to leave, the Capitol building is blown up, and the White House is taken hostage.  Cale is able to find and rescue the President, and together they try to find out who's behind the terrorist attack and why, as well as figure out a way out of the White House with Cale's daughter and the other hostages. Director Roland Emmerich is well known for his disaster films such as "Independence Day" and "2012," and "White House Down" is no exception....

Amour Starring Jean-Louis Trinitignant, Emmanuelle Riva, Isabelle Huppert, Alexandre Tharaud Directed by Michael Haneke Long-married couple Georges (Jean-Louis Trinitignant) and Anne (Emmanuelle Riva) are now retired piano instructors who still enjoy the music they once taught.  They're enjoying the retired life, until one morning Anne suffers a silent stroke, and after a failed surgery on a blocked artery, becomes paralyzed on her right side, confining her to a wheelchair. Anne's fear of hospitals leads her to beg Georges to not send her to the hospital again, so he becomes her personal caretaker, despite their daughter Eva's (Isbaelle Huppert) pleas to send her to a nursing home.  Anne suffers a second stroke which leaves her bedridden, demented and incapable of speech.  This puts an even bigger strain on Georges, as he watches the love of his life slowly dying in front of him. "Amour" received five nominations at the 2013 Oscars, including Bes...

Dark Feed Starring Andrew Rudick, Victoria Nugent, Dayna Cousins, Jason Beaubien Directed by Michael & Shawn Rasmussen A group of film makers decide to film a cheap horror film in an abandoned hospital, but it's not as abandoned as they thought.  The former doctor injected some medicine into the water supply, making his patients crazy.  Now the water is still there, and so are the spirits, which somehow results in some of the workers becoming possessed and others dying and then coming back possessed or something like that. Quick review: Stupid.  Made no sense, had no story, cared for no one, care less about writing a review for this. My Rating: D+

Red Starring Bruce Willis, Mary-Louise Parker, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich Directed by Robert Schwentke Retired black ops CIA agent Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) is enjoying the retired life, until one night a team of assassins invade his home.  Fending them off, he takes off in search of Sarah Ross (Mary-Louise Parker), a GHA pension officer customer service agent whom he had been talking to on the phone, fearing for her safety.  He then enlists the help of other retired agents including Joe Matheson (Morgan Freeman), Marvin Boggs (John Malkovich) and Victoria (Helen Mirren) to find out why the CIA has targeted him for assassination.  Their investigation leads to a stunning event that happened in their past, and a very powerful man who will stop at nothing to keep that event a secret. Filled with nonstop action and hilarious humor, "Red" (Retired, Extremely Dangerous) mixes both with brilliant precision, with a cast that you know enjoy each other and theref...

My Amityville Horror Starring Daniel Lutz, Susna Bartell, Laura DiDio, Lorraine Warren Directed by Eric Walter As a child, Daniel Lutz was subjected to a supernatural horror that most people can only image in their worst nightmares.  His family moved into the house in Amityville where, years before, a kid murdered his entire family because of the voices in his head told him to. The Lutz family only lived in the house for less than a month before they were driven out by the evil spirits that lived within.  Their harrowing tale was subject to several books and films, and made the Lutz family a nationwide name. Now a much older man, Daniel recounts the terror he experienced in the house, and talks against the skeptics who say that it was all a hoax, as was revealed by Daniel's stepfather before his death. For people like me who were looking for a great documentary on the real horror of the house, you will be highly disappointed.  All this film entails is ...

The Count of Monte Cristo Starring Jim Caviezel, Guy Pearce, Richard Harris, James Frain Directed by Kevin Reynolds Based from the classic novel by Alexandre Dumas, "The Count of Monte Cristo" centers around a man named Edmond Dantes (Jim Caviezel) and his friend Fernand Mondego (Guy Pearce).  Mondego is jealous of Dantes because he has a better life than him, and especially covets his fiance Mercedes (Dagmara Dominczyk). While on the isle of Elba, Mondego witnesses the exiled Napoleon Bonaparte handing a letter to an unsuspecting Dantes, and uses that to get Dantes arrested for treason.  Dantes - who is fully innocent - is sent to a prison on an abandoned island where, for fourteen years, he's tortured and forced to live in solitary confinement. He meets Abbe Faria (Richard Harris), who teaches him how to read, write, and fight, and one day Dantes manages to escape the prison.  He discovers a pirates' lost gold and changes his image.  Returning hom...

Mud Starring Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, Tye Sheridan, Jacob Lofland Directed by Jeff Nichols Best friends Ellis (Tye Sheridan) and Neckbone (Jacob Lofland) decide to travel down the river, and end up on a deserted island.  There they find a boat in the threes after a recent flood, and think it's uninhabited.  To their surprise, they find that Mud (Matthew McConaughey) is living there. Mud and the boys form a friendship, and Mud tells them he came back for his girlfriend, Juniper (Reese Witherspoon), but he can't get to her because of some problems from his past, so he enlists the kids' help to deliver messages to her and also gather supplies to bring the boat down so the two of them could sail away. As they work to help Mud out, the boys also discover their own worlds of love, loss and life, forcing them to grow up faster than they ever expected. Director Jeff Nichols delivers a modern day Mark Twain-style story set in the south.  Two young ...

Fangoria Presents: Inhuman Resources Starring Nicholas Hope, Kelly Paterniti, Sam Reid, Alan Dukes Directed by Daniel Krige Thomas Reddmann (Nicholas Hope) has been charged as the headhunter, a serial killer who chops the heads off executives.  Thought dead in a fire, no one really looked into it.  Months later, six people associated with incarcerating Reddmann are kidnapped and held captive in an office building where Reddmann, fully alive, is holding them captive, forcing them to find the "real" killer.  If they fail, they lose their heads. Surprisingly, I thought this was a fairly decent movie.  The beginning was slow, and the captives, I feel, were completely inept.  Their captor forced them to type law, and they did it willingly, without any question or fight.  I guess that's the "safe" way of doing things, but it didn't endear any of them to be a hero. Later on, however, they start fighting back, and surprisingly even realize that Redd...

Elysium Starring Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, Sharlito Copley, Alice Braga Directed by Neill Blomkamp In the year 2154, the Earth is completely over-populated.  Those who could afford it have escaped the planet and set home on an orbiting ship called Elysium, where you never age, and all illness is instantly cured. Meanwhile, on Earth, it's not as nice.  There's slums everywhere, there's no healthcare, and crime is rampant. Max (Matt Damon) is determined to make it to Elysium, and stops at nothing to achieve his goal, including having a body suit infused to his body so he can infiltrate a wealthy man, steal his mind and use it to gain access to Elysium. The man he chooses, though, has a secret of his own.  On Elysium, Delacourt (Jodie Foster) wants to rule, and she enlists the help of John Carlyle (William Fichtner) to help achieve her goal.  Carlyle is also the man Max targets to get to Elysium, so he gains all the information of the ship in his mind, ...

Aftershock Starring Eli Roth, Andrea Osvart, Ariel Levy, Natasha Yarovenko Directed by Nicolas Lopez While vacationing in Chile, friends Gringo (Eli Roth), Ariel (Ariel Levy) and Pollo (Nicolas Martinez) meet up with three beautiful women - Monica (Andrea Osvart), her sister Kylie (Lorenza Izzo) and Irina (Natasha Yarovenko).  The six of them travel Chile and go to the fanciest night clubs, and they're having a great time. Then an earthquake hits, one that's bigger than they've ever experienced.  Trapped in an underground club, they fight their way to the surface, where their troubles are only beginning.  With a possible tsunami approaching, and hundreds of criminals who escaped from a local prison roaming the streets, the friends have to use all their street intelligence to make it through the night alive. Loosely based off the Chilean earthquake in 2010, director Nicholas Lopez doesn't seem sure in what direction to take the film.  The first half is...

G.I. Joe: Retaliation Starring Dwayne Johnson, Ray Park, Bruce Willis, Adrianne Palicki Directed by Jon Chu The Joes, led by Duke (Channing Tatum) are framed for stealing nuclear warheads from Pakistan by the President of the United States (Jonathan Pryce), who is in reality Zartan (Arnold Vosloo), a Cobra operative, who's used nanotechnology to take the form of the President, who is really being held captive. He orders a strike on the Joes, and they're all eliminated, except for Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Flint (D.J. Cotrona) and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki).  They manage to escape and begin uncovering the real purpose of their supposed elimination. Meanwhile, in Germany, Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee), disguised as Snake Eyes, is taken to a high-level security prison where Cobra Commander (Luke Bracey) and Destro are also being held.  Storm Shadow escapes with Cobra Commander, and unknown to them, the real Snake Eyes (Ray Park) witnesses everything.  Sn...