Knights of the Zodiac
Knights of the Zodiac
Starring Mackenyu, Famke Janssen, Madison Iseman, Sean Bean
Directed by Tomek Baginski
Seiya (Mackenyu) is an underground fighter who's a street orphan with memories of his sister getting abducted and giving him a necklace resembling a Pegasus, but doesn't remember a lot of anything else. During a fight with the nightclub's owner Cassios (Nick Stahl), Seiya unleashes a power that he didn't know he had, drawing the attention of Guraad (Famke Janssen), a woman who's searching for the reincarnation of the goddess Athena who wants to stop her before she destroys the world. It also draws the attention of Alman Kiddo (Sean Bean), who's daughter Sienna (Madison Iseman) is the bodily host of the slumbering Athena. It turns out Seiya is a Knight who's destiny is to protect Athena from the likes of Guraad, and he goes through intensive training to earn the Pegasus armor - but he's impeded by his memories of his sister, which could prevent him from achieving the full potential he's supposed to achieve.
The Good:
This is a movie. It was made with money. A director, actors, writers, producers, and a slew of behind-the-scenes people all came together to make it. It was made. So kudos for people who came together to make something.
The Bad:
Everything else.
Seriously, though, there's not a lot to write home about. The movie is based on a manga created back in 1986 (and, after cursory research, discovered it's actually based on a very poorly received CGI series in 2019), and other than the names and a lexicon of definitions that are explained at length and ad-nauseam, lacks any of the spark that the manga has.
The film generically follows your stereotypical anti-turned-hero Seiya, a man with a checkered past who has to go through multiple trials to prove he has what it takes to save the day, and who at first is adamantly against it, but slowly opens up to the possibility that he might indeed be The One (or, in this case, I suppose, twelve, since there's twelve signs of the zodiac). It doesn't help the fact that the actor Mackenyu doesn't seem to want to be there, as he delivers his lines with near-flatline precision, squeaking through due to the fact that he's a decent martial artist, and nothing else. No charisma, no on-screen presence, nothing that makes him anything more than a moving cardboard cutout of a character.
The story itself is full of definitions that need defining, and are done so numerous times, in case you've fallen asleep a few times to miss out on it. It seems that there are Knights who protect a sleeping Athena who resides in the body of a young girl who, once awakened, will either save or doom humanity, I guess depending on how she feels at the time (however if she would even glance at the Internet, we all know we'd be doomed). The Knights are imbued with special abilities called Cosmos which comes from finding inner strength, and once they unlock that potential they're granted Cloths, which resemble constellations and makes them worthy of protecting Athena. Yeah, I'd be as confused as you if I even cared slightly about anything happening in this movie.
I feel a tinge of pity for the likes of Famke Janssen and Sean Bean, who somehow found themselves in this drivel of a film, offering more clout than it deserves. Janssen was once a very sought-after actress after achieving fame as Jean Grey in the original "X-Men" trilogy, but her stock has plummeted ever since, and now she finds herself playing a generic paramilitary organization out to stop Athena from ending the world. Sean Bean has had more luck with his work after "The Lord of the Rings" with the critically acclaimed "Game of Thrones," but he also seems to want to appear in as many movies as he can where he's killed off (not a spoiler, I think it's actually in his contact). He plays Kiddo (and, spoiler alert if you care, Guraad's ex-husband) who is tasked with finding the Knights to protect Athena, believing that she won't actually bring about the end of the world. Both of them try their hardest to make it work, but their talent is only so limited, and unfortunately Cosmos doesn't exist so they can't channel it into something worthwhile. Then there's Madison Iseman (you might remember her from playing the snooty Bethany in the "Jumanji" films), the MacGuffin who does absolutely nothing in this film except lay down and wait for Athena to take her over, waxing some sort of philosophy about fate not being dictated by someone else, and basically just exists merely to come out of her shell in the final act with Athena's rebirth. Absolutely none of the actors produce anything worth remembering, much like the movie as a whole.
The CGI here is amazing, if this was 2000. However, since it's 2023, the CGI here is incredibly dated and muted, along with the drab color schemes spread throughout the film. Taken from a very lively, active, and colorful manga, "Knights" drowns it all out with dull as dishwater colors that only aid in helping your eyelids become too heavy.
The Verdict:
There's kudos to be had for people achieving their dream of making a movie, but unfortunately that's the only accolade I can give "Knights of the Zodiac," which - if they had checked any of the zodiac signs - would've known to stay away from this idea from the start.
The Score: D-
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