JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Don't Move Starring Lyndsy Fonseca, Tom Cavanagh, Russ, Rob Riggle Directed by Maclain Nelson Rarely does a movie arrive that I know nothing about, but while looking through my Regal app for a movie to see I came across "Don't Move," and thought to myself, "I've never heard anything about this." So I ignored the trailer, imdb, and any articles about the movie before going into it. Then I realized the mistake I made. This movie is a creature feature that's reminiscent of the classics and had all the B-rated gore and comedy you'd expect, but the creature in this movie is something that terrifies me in real life: a massive spider. While obviously done with VFX and looking nothing like a real spider, I found myself cringing in my seat numerous times, and I was pleasantly surprised by the emotional heft that the movie also held. One year after a tragic event, Megan (Lyndsy Fonseca) decides to go on a church camping trip led by Pastor Rizzo (Tom Cavana...

V/H/S/Mixtape Starring Barbara Crampton, Jihad Brent, Alex Hsu, Neela Jolene Directed by Flying Lotus, Renee Zhan, David Moreau, Ernest Dickerson, RZA   2025's "V/H/S/Halloween" was one of the best in the long-running franchise, showcasing different directors delivering their take on Halloween horror hijinks and making for a great Halloween tradition. Sadly, the follow-up, "V/H/S/Mixtape" has the opposite effect. Not only is it the worst in the franchise, but it wastes its opportunity to tell thoughtful, terrifying stories all centering around sound. What we get instead is a lazy, haphazard set of shorts (with the exception of one, but even that might be because it was the last one and therefore better by comparison) that is devoid of scares, filled with subpar performances, and sadly a waste of time. This wraparound story is directed by Flying Lotus and basically features the band GWAR doing their bit - being strange, wearing outlandish costumes, and acting alm...

Your Mother Your Mother Your Mother Starring Mahershala Ali, John Cho, Giancarlo Esposito, Abubakr Ali Directed by Bassam Tariq Can an assassin have morals? How does one's devout religious standing and their job of literally killing people go hand-in-hand? Is there such a way that's possible? "Your Mother Your Mother Your Mother" is an intriguing, powerful, and thought-provoking movie that centers on these questions, but also serves as a microcosm of today's society: in this, a devout Muslim man is also a righteous assassin, taking down the enemy which is an overly zealous group of Christians bent on killing a man for something he didn't do, but something they believe he did. There's more to this than even that, as the assassin himself is a family man who is more ready to seek out breast milk for his baby than seek out murder. Latif (Mahershala Ali) is a trained assassin who kills using a bladed weapon rather than guns, and is a devout Muslim family man, t...

Whalefall Starring Austin Abrams, Josh Brolin, Elisabeth Shue, John Ortiz Directed by Brian Duffield Anyone who's been to church as a child knows the story of Jonah. A prophet of God sent to Nineveh to preach repentance instead cowers and runs away, only to be swallowed up by a great fish (many misinterpret it as a literal whale) where he spends three days and nights inside it before repenting and God causing the fish to vomit him out. "Whalefall," in many ways, feels like a modern day equivalent of this tale: a wayward son, an overbearing father, and a great fish that causes the son to learn a valuable lesson. Jay Gardiner (Austin Abrams) was never close to his seafaring father Mitt (Josh Brolin), who always seemed to insult Jay and treat him harshly, especially compared to his two daughters. This causes Jay to resent and hate his father, leading him from his home in California to Idaho for school. However, after his father comes down with an incurable disease, instead o...

Other Mommy Starring Jessica Chastain, Jay Duplass, Arabella Olivia Clark, Karen Allen Directed by Rob Savage During "The Odyssey" they played this trailer that I saw for the first time, and it was very unnerving. I wasn't expecting it to be so unhinged after the opening moments and was pleasantly surprised and a movie that immediately became something I was excited to see. While some trailers give away everything, this was merely the opening of the movie - but, sadly, also the best part of the movie. What follows is a thinly written story that doesn't flush out any characters and provides more jump scares and adrenaline-fueled chases, with shoddy CGI, but a capable duel performance by Jessica Chastain and a young child actress that didn't make me want the worst for her, so those are pluses. Seven-year-old Bella Martin (Arabella Olivia Clark) sees "other Mommy" frequently, an entity that takes on the image of her mother Ursula (Jessica Chastain) and love...

Onslaught Starring Adria Arjona, Dan Stevens, Reginald VelJohnson, Alex Pereira Directed by Adam Wingard "Onslaught" is one of those unique movies where its mileage depends on your love of classic 80s horror/action movies. If you love them and want to see an updated version, this movie is right up your alley - but if you think those type of movies have outlived their shelf life, then you'll find this more of the same. Personally, I thought it fell somewhere in the middle - a great throwback to the classics, but despite its use of gore and violence, it still felt a bit held back. Still, the third act more than makes up for a sluggish start even if it concludes a bit too conveniently.  Former Nazi scientist Dr. Hans Kammler (Dan Stevens) has bred the perfect soldier: pulling three former military soldiers and turning them into mindless super soldiers led by The Butcher (Alex Pereira) who can feel no pain, no fear, and don't give up until everyone around them is dead. Af...