JoeMama's Movie Reviews

Imagine Me & You Starring Piper Perabo, Lena Headey, Matthew Goode, Darren Boyd Directed by Ol Parker If it wasn't for the lesbian theme in "Imagine Me & You," this would be one of those films you'd find on the Hallmark Channel (although I've heard they're branching out and including gay and lesbian love stories in the near future, but we'll see) - a film so sickingly sweet, so innocent in its indiscretions, so vanilla it might as well be an ice cream cone that you can't help but fall in love with all the characters involved, at least that's what was supposed to happen.  Instead it turned into a meandering tale of mediocrity, where every character is sympathetic, nice, and wholesome, and culminates in a totally unsurprising conclusion. Rachel (Piper Perabo) and Heck (Matthew Goode - seriously, his name is Heck...well, short for Hector, but everyone calls him Heck) have been lovebirds for years, and finally decide to tie the kno...

Guns Akimbo Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Samara Weaving, Natasha Liu Bordizzo, Ned Dennehy Directed by Jason Lei Howden It's no secret that today's day and age have been plagued by online trolls and cyber-bullying, two of the major downfalls in the technology age we live in now.  It's easy to be a "keyboard warrior" and to sit behind your computer and leave hateful, judgmental comments for the world to see and feel like you're a big man for doing it - but what happens when a real repercussion occurs for your fowl-mouthed comments?  For those on the receiving end you probably don't care too much about, but when it happens to you, you realize that your words have consequences, and sometimes you can't escape it. Miles (Daniel Radcliffe) is your typical 21st century guy - living in an apartment filled with action figures, working at a dead-end job where his boss is your typical bro-guy who picks on nerds, still pining for his ex-girlfriend (Nata...

Bloodshot Starring Vin Diesel, Eiza Gonzalez, Guy Pearce, Lamorne Morris Directed by David Wilson In the early 2000s, comic book film adaptations began hitting the big screen, with mixed results to say the least.  Now, when you look back at films like "Hulk," "Daredevil" and "Elektra," you wonder how they managed to keep the genre going long enough to craft the MCU.  "Bloodshot" falls into that category - a superhero comic book film that seems more suited for the early 2000s than 2020 in practically every sense of the word: it's bland, forgettable, simplistic, typical, and worst of all filled with laughably bad CGI. Ray Garrison (Vin Diesel) is a Marine who is captured and tortured, but then witnesses his wife's murder before he himself is killed by Martin Axe (Toby Kebbell), and is brought back to life by a shady organization known as Rising Spirit Tech led by Dr. Emil Harting (Guy Pearce).  Garrison has been injected with n...

Portrait of a Lady on Fire Starring Noemie Merlant, Adele Haenel, Luana Bairami, Valeria Golino Directed by Celine Sciamma I've never been able to draw or paint anything remotely beautiful, and I've always admired artists who are able to create something out of nothing, and to do more than just that - but capture the sheer essence as well.  Some paintings tend to speak to the observer in deep, personal ways, while others appear bland and almost inconsequential, and it all comes down to the vision of the artist: if it's something out of an abundance of their desire, the painting takes on a life of its own.  Conversely, if an artist is hired by someone to paint something wholly unoriginal and not within the painter's own view, it'll still be pretty to look at, but lacking the depth of soul that an artist intrinsically releases from themselves into the canvas. "Portrait of a Lady on Fire" is much more than just about a painting, and much more tha...

I Still Believe Starring KJ Apa, Britt Robertson, Gary Sinise, Shania Twain Directed by Andrew & Jon Erwin The music biopic subgenre has had its fair share of highs ("Straight Outta Compton," "Rocketman") and lows ("All Eyez On Me"), and has exploded on the scene in recent years.  It was only a matter of time before the Christian community got into the game with their own music biopic, a film based off Christian music's biggest mainstream hit, "I Can Only Imagine."  Christian films - to say the least - aren't very good, and don't really appeal to anyone outside the coveted Bible-loving crowd, but to my surprise I was actually quite moved by "I Can Only Imagine" due to its strong performances and emotional depth that didn't make you feel like you were being manipulated into feeling something, but the feelings were genuine due to the characters on screen. So when the Erwin brothers (who directed "Imag...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten Most Disturbing Films Not every film has a happily ever after.  Not every film features superheroes who overcome an unstoppable enemy to win the day and save the world.  Not every film will leave you with warm fuzzies and happiness.  Some films are downright disturbing, unforgettable in all the worst ways, and yet like a car wreck, we can't seem to look away. Here are my personal top ten most disturbing films, worst2first... **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 The Mist  This list wouldn't be complete without at least one film based off the works of the famed Stephen King.  "The Mist" centers around a group of small town citizens who find themselves trapped in a department store as alien bugs attack them from the outside - but learn that the dangers aren't all on the other side of the door.  Starring Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden (in one of her most delectably devious roles), Laurie Holden, Andre Braug...

Worst2First:  My Top Ten LGBTQ Films June is Pride Month, a time to celebrate the LGBTQ community and all the positives that they've given to the world.  Hollywood for decades has managed to shed a light on this often-forgotten group of people, offering numerous films about love, overcoming adversity, and real-life heroes in the LGBTQ community.  Here are my top ten personal favorite LGBTQ films, worst2first... **THERE WILL BE NO SPOILERS** #10 Love, Simon While it's more socially acceptable to come out as gay, it can still  be something extremely difficult for some kids to do, especially when they're still in high school trying to maintain an image.  Nick Robinson stars as Simon, a closeted gay teen who secretly longs to be in a relationship, but is afraid to come out to his friends and family for what he thinks would happen negatively.  He begins to talk to someone named Blue in his school that's also secretly gay through e-mail...